“Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you" Genesis 3:16b
Women want to be in charge. That’s why (for the most part) we excel in parenting and domestic things. Even if home is messy and the kids are undisciplined, we are Queens over our own little domicile. We make the rules about the structure of the home and most women control what takes place there.
Our desire for control does go back to the Garden. We are no different from our ancient sister, Eve. We want to be the ones making the decisions and running the show over the men. It is a part of the curse upon us. The meaning of the word "desire" in Genesis 3:16 is usually misunderstood to mean that women long for the love or affection of their husbands, but what it really means is, "to compel, impel, urge, or seek control over." Since Eve, we have wanted to be in control of our husbands and other men and authorities in our lives. It is part of our natural bend that we must fight against.
What is interesting is that husbands want to “lord” their authority over us (part of the curse on them), and we want to control them! This makes for some ongoing friction in marriage!
Many of the young men who come to our counseling center for premarital counseling will tell us they had no male role model to instruct them in biblical manhood. They were not taught leadership skills as they grew up.
Today’s men and women have grown up with the understanding they are to be partners in marriage. Men are not taught to assert authority, but to consider women equals in every respect, home, job, and church. They are taught to share the duties of the household 50/50. My counseling experience has led me to conclude wives have a difficult time respecting a husband who is not the leader of his home.
…the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33b (NASB)
A woman who does not respect her husband has a heart of pride. She believes that she is better than he is, that her decisions and opinions are better than his are. Her lack of respect is revealed in many ways. She may use non-verbal methods of communication that are disrespectful such as: giving him the cold shoulder, eye rolling, finger tapping, loud heavy sighing, “whatever-ing” and so on. She may look upon him with disdain and distaste, or belittle him in front of their children and friends. Some women blatantly disregard his wishes are inconsiderate of his time and requests, or “forget” to do something important he asks her to do.
...each man must love his wife as he loves himself. Ephesians 5:33 (NLT)
A man who doesn't love his wife has a heart of selfishness. He refuses to embrace his God-given role as husband/shepherd/leader and instead abdicates his responsibility and refuses to lovingly lead his wife and family. His lack of love is revealed in leaving his wife with most or all of the parenting duties including discipline of the children. He shows little appreciation for his wife's efforts at home and may devalue her God-given role as a wife and mother.
There is much work to be done in families, and much reeducation on the biblical roles of both men and women. I am slightly encouraged to see a small inroads being made by some organizations and churches that are promoting biblical manhood and womanhood. It will take generations to reorient the church and it will literally be done one person at a time. We continue to fight against the culture and the battle is hard. It will require tremendous perseverance and dedication, but by God’s grace it will be won.