In Process

There are times I think I could bear up under the reality of suffering the loss of all things. In those moments I also look around at the collective total of all the junk I have amassed and can believe it is “rubbish.” I think it would be neat to be completely and totally un-tethered and rootless.

In those moments I imagine what it would be like to have the freedom to pick up and go on a mission trip if we desire to do so. I think about how wonderful it would be to not care at all about where I live or what I possess.

Then reality (the other reality) hits me, and I think of how much I love to entertain, and have the ability to bless others with our warm home environment, to have a place for our children and someday grandchildren to stay when they come.

I am still so conflicted in mind and heart. Yet, I have come so very, very far.

I think that all the stuff of life does distract me and cause my focus to be everywhere but on Christ. One thing Paul had going for him in all those circumstances is that he had nothing and no One but Christ. I am not sure I am ready for that yet. There is still too much of my flesh that lives.

Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14

That pressing on toward the goal of being like Christ… Christ, the suffering servant. Christ, the man of sorrows who was acquainted with grief. Christ, the man who created the whole universe and yet had no home in which to live and no bed to rest His head. Christ, the incomparable and indescribable One- sinless and perfect.

I am fearful to fully and completely offer myself in this way because I know that the suffering would increase as the love of the world is stripped away from my heart.

The only way to kill it off is through the sufferings and trials that we dislike so much. Through them we learn how to be content. You know that verse I think. This is another aspect of the process of sanctification.

My brain understands that this process is needed, and much of me wants it to go forward but there is much trepidation.