In this little journey on loving the unlovable, we began by looking at men who abdicate their responsibility to lead in the home. Let me start by saying that living with an abdicating leader is not easy, especially if you are a strong woman.
I would be such a woman. I am often joked about being a Deborah - a strong woman with leadership abilities. This has its up side, as I am strong and independent. It also has its down side as I tend to want to take over the universe.
My husband is a wonderful, God-loving and God-reverencing man who lovingly leads our family. He would not be unlovable nor would he fit into the category of an abdicator. I understand that not all wives are as blessed as I am.
If you are a woman who is married to a man who will not lead, you have to realize you will not change him, you cannot change him. Only the Lord can do those changes in his life, because they begin in his heart.
For a man to willingly take on a harder way of life he has to be convinced it is to his benefit (ordinarily) and headship is not easy. The Lord has to convict him, and change that selfish part of him that desires ease and comfort.
Women frequently complain to me that their husband won't make a decision or take a leadership role so they have to do it. My question is, why would he lead when he doesn't have to? If you are doing his job what reason does he have to fight you for it? Many times, it is a fight too. We don't want to give up that control, or power and it is evident as we criticize the decision he does make! We tell him to lead, and then refuse in practice to get out of the way!
So my question for you is, are you standing in the way of his leadership in your home? Are you critical of his decisions? Do you contradict him and belittle him? If so, then the first problem in this equation is you.
Begin by confessing the sin of your heart to God. This would be the sin of pride as you have believed in your heart that you believe your way is better than God's way. Then re-read key passages of Scripture about your role in the home, Proverbs 31, Titus 2, 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5 and many others. Then pray and ask God's help in changing your heart toward submission and leadership. Find a Godly woman in your church who can help you to learn these principles and then begin to build them into your life. Be aware of the times you respond sinfully to your husband, and confess to him that you have become aware of your usurping his authority in the home and ask his forgiveness.
Then give him the room to be the leader. Stop making decisions, stop doing his job and put him back in the place to succeed. This is going to be a process ladies! If you have been living this way for a decade you cannot expect things to change in a week.
I already know that some of you are thinking about what you should do when he simply refuses to lead... we will look at that next time.
Please be patient with me, I am having computer issues, and posting times will very in the next few days! Blessings to you.
Labels: Counseling, Marriage