The last time I posted "an earthquake" was in October. Today was another one. I had not visited at my parents house since Monday because I had a cold and could not risk infecting my mom. So I was glad to be able to go there today.
When I saw her today she had just about gotten up and she was headed for her chair. She stayed there and slept for the next 5 hours. She looked feverish, felt "freezing" and her face felt warm. This gave my dad and I many hours to talk about what comes next.
This evening after she woke up, we had the weirdest episode...She had a sudden onset of terrible confusion, as though she had dementia. She does have some confusion normally now because of her condition but this was beyond anything that ever happened before.
All I could think of was "Oh Lord, not this too now!" Please don't allow her to be afflicted with this on top of everything else Lord. We have so little of her left already, and to loose what remains might just do us all in.
I am waiting for Jesus to come and get her. My beloved mom is for all intents and purposes already gone. When I look at her, the shell that remains is not the woman who raised me. That person is gone away. I am waiting for Jesus to come and claim His beloved one.
I never thought I would wish her to go, to leave us all behind but I do! I long for her to experience the joys of heaven and the embrace of the Lord who she accepts with childlike faith.
Her world is so small and clouded. Her vision and strength are gone. There is so little left for her here Lord, please come and get her and take her to Yourself. I know my heart will bleed the day she leaves this earth at Your calling, but I want for her to be free of the shackles of misery that have become her life. I want for her more than I want for me.
The timing of the Lord is perfect, and His wisdom is beyond question. Should He tarry in calling her home, it is intentional and it is good. I do not claim to understand it Lord, but I know You are working in this- as we are waiting for Jesus.
Labels: Death, Parents, Suffering