Our desire for control does go back to the Garden. God is the one who said: “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you" (Genesis 3:16b) "desire" in this verse means "to compel, impel, urge, or seek control over."
We ladies want to be in charge. We want to be the ones making the decisions and running the show over the men. It is a part of the curse upon us.
They want to “lord” their authority over us, it is a part of the curse on them! This makes for some ongoing friction in marriage, doesn’t it?
Sadly too many of our men have been emasculated. The leadership has been drained right out of them by the 1960’s hippies and 70’s feminists who became parents and have learned parenting from Dr. Spock, Dr. Dobson, Carl Rogers, Abraham Maslow, Phil Donahue, Geraldo and Oprah.
The whole don’t let boys be boys’ mentality created an effeminate generation of men. They were all supposed to be Alan Alda, sensitive, tender, loving, and soft. They grew up playing with playdough not lego guns, or soldiers; they played with dolls and were coddled and as they grew up the learned they were to be partners with us wives, and share the duties of the household 50/50. They were taught to consider us equals in every respect, home, job, and church.
All of this fed the desire of the curse- that women would want to seek control over their men.
Women have told me they are afraid to let the husband lead. Think about that statement- “let” the husband lead? I didn’t know it was a choice biblically! A woman who refuses to submit to her husband’s authority is thumbing her nose at God.
A husband who is not the leader of his home is not being respected by his wife. He may not make every right decision, and some wrong decisions have far reaching consequences. God has given him this role we are to honor it.
The heart is set on self- not God. It is a difficult but not impossible habit to break.
The key to true submission is God, living to glorify Him. When my heart is focused on Him, and I long to serve Him, and worship Him, and obey and please Him then it becomes a joy to submit to Him. My husband or father reaps the reward of my obedience to God.
I encourage women in difficult marriages to do that very thing- to really be in obedience to God, for His glory. When the focus is taken off the finite and focused on the Infinite a change in the thinking takes place. It is no longer about me and him, but about God. I have seen this work miracles in lives and marriages.
The husband is understandably leery of such a change! A wife may have to give him opportunity to lead. She must step back from the decisions and stop taking the lead at home. Especially if you have been rather vocal about his shortcomings in the leadership department. It is never too late to change; there is time to make it right.