I used to be a talker. I wanted people around me all the time and if I didn't have them in person I was on the phone with them. As the years have gone by and most especially in the last decade of my life I realize that I am changed. I love people, I love to serve and minister and counsel, but I am no longer one for idle chatter like I used to be.
As I think about how and why this changed, I would have to say that what had the greatest impact on me was when I determined to really talk only of Him. I have a dear friend (who I don't see nearly as much as I would like) and when we had the opportunity to get together we did not speak of much else except how we were growing, changing, and learning about Jesus. It became our habit to just talk about what God was doing in us and through us to those around us as my old pastor says.
This causes me to be more of a person of reflection than a person of reaction much of the time. I have become very comfortable in my own skin and I am content to be alone with only Jesus to talk to. This has become my prayer life, and I look forward to those times of day where I can be one with Him in discussion about the needs of others and myself. I rejoice in praising Him and thanking Him for His goodness and gracious love He demonstrates toward me.
In church Sunday we sang a song asking the Lord to draw us to Himself. This made me think... I truly desire closeness with the Lord yet I have come to understand that the act of being drawn has a personal cost to my flesh. It seems to be a double edged sword as being drawn comes with pain and suffering or trials.
It is when God is drawing me through His means and I sense that pull in my Spirit that I understand more of what is required of such a relationship. Don't misunderstand, nothing is required of me for the act of salvation that is all of Him and none of me. I am referring more to living this Christian life that we are called to live and how it is required of me, now bought with a price to be chiseled and hammered and molded and shaped into His likeness. I know when He draws me that another time of painful, delightful growth is headed my way.
I respond to Him as I see magnets respond to the drawing or repel each other. There are times when I welcome whatever He brings and the pull is irresistible and there are times when I want to hover near but not actually embrace what He has for me. My goal is to always welcome His knock at the door of my heart, whether it is noon or midnight. I confess I am not there yet!
I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Romans 7:21-23 (NASB)
How thankful I am that Romans 8 directly follows Romans 7! It is hope-giving and life-giving to those who wish they would never try to run from the drawing hand of God.