…the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33b (NASB)
A woman who does not respect her husband has a heart of pride. She believes that she is better than him, that her decisions and opinions are better than his. She may look upon him with distain and distaste; belittle him in front of their children or friends.
A lack of respect reveals itself in many ways. Many of the non-verbal methods of communication we women use are disrespectful. The cold shoulder, eye rolling, finger tapping, loud heavy sighing, “whatever-ing” and so on. Blatantly disregarding their wishes and requests, “forgetting” to do something important, being inconsiderate of his time…
The remedy for this is found in Philippians 2:3:
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;
Women have been programmed to be selfish! We have the curse working against us all to begin with, and then we have the rest of the world telling us that we need personal time, private time, time for me. The cry of women in our age is what about me? Where on earth did we get the idea that we are somehow entitled to private time, or that someone owes us something because our lives at home are so stressful?
These are thoughts of a purely selfish heart that is focused on self, not glorifying God.
Now don’t get me wrong, I like to relax as much as the next person. I like to be able to kick back and read a mindless book or something too. And there is nothing wrong with rest and relaxation but when we start to look at this as a personal right, something we are entitled to.
For us to begin to think of others better than ourselves we have to believe it is true! We have to change the way we think about ourselves and begin to develop a mindset of service, of living for God, and serving others as an outflow of living for Him.
When I tell women this in counseling, a look of horror comes over their face. We are so fearful of being “used” of not being appreciated, of being looked at as a slave. How can I tell you this? God will be glorified as you obey, even if it feels bad. He will meet you in the lonely places, in the moments of seemingly being crushed by the pressure. When you begin to get a glimpse of this and practice it out of a heart of love and desire to glorify Him your entire outlook changes and suddenly nothing you formerly thought matters.
Because it becomes all about Him.
Our failure and the failure of many of the mothers of the liberated generation has caused a vacuum in this area of it being “all about Him” in families.
I remember one recent counseling case of a Christian woman who told me she didn’t realize how feminized her thinking was! She was raised by her mom because her parents divorced when she was younger. Mom taught her to fend for herself, to not be dependent on anyone, to not let her husband boss her around! She worked through the wrong thinking and learned to think biblically about her marriage and responsibilities as a wife.
so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, Titus 2:4 (NASB)
So I have successfully converted one, but ladies how are we ever going to be able to train the younger woman to love their husbands and children when we are not living and modeling it ourselves? Where are the Titus 2 women in our churches? Now forgive me for a moment, but I am going to say some things that may sting a little here. Where are the older women who are to be discipling the younger ones? Where are the Bible studies in our women’s groups about godly womanhood? Why is so much of what our women’s groups consist of studies that are focused on past hurt and loss, poor self-image, approval-seeking, busyness, doubt and fear and unhealthy influences, and exploring the goals and successes that leave women feeling unsatisfied?
Think of this ladies- to have the trust of your husband, and to be the kind of woman, the kind of wife that does your husband good all the days of his life. That is what we should all aspire to be. Desire to bring God glory through being a godly woman and a godly wife. Be the kind of woman whose husband and family to profits in many ways from your being in their lives.
This eliminates the justification for nagging and whining and sinful neediness. It eliminates the rationalization for our spending sprees and selfish way of living. Be God’s kind of woman, one whose faith and trust and confidence are in Christ. Your husband and children will rise up and call you blessed and your husband will sing your praises!