Personal note: I would like to thank you for putting the blog over 5000 hits yesterday!! That is incredible! I know many of you visit regularly, and am humbled and blessed by your checking in here each day.
When a divorce takes place, it is because one person or sometimes both have become involved in some aspect of idolatry. Idolatry is the worship of something or someone other than God. When idol worship takes place the focus changes from thinking of your spouse to thinking only of gratifying self and meeting that perceived need...worshiping the idol of the heart.
Most often one or both parties in the marriage have become focused on their own wants, needs and desires. I have seen this displayed when husbands decide to stop for that one drink after work with the guys on a nightly basis, giving no thought to their wife who waits at home. Wives who spend money out of the family budget on clothes they want but do not need, or expensive manicure or pedicures that they cannot afford (Phil 2:3).
I also see selfishness revealed as a husband or wife indulges in pornography to meet their perceived needs of pleasure. In doing so they deprive their spouse of the physical attention they are due (1 Cor. 7:1-6).
Women reveal their idols not only by going overboard with excesses to look good, but the other extreme as well, being unkempt and overweight. (I battle the weight thing as much as anyone does! Please don't think I am some tiny little size 2 talking to you about being overweight!) This needs to be said ladies, because there is so much obesity among us. Divorces do take place because a woman has simply stopped taking care of herself, and has decided not to care about how she looks and smells. This too is idolatry.
What the woman desires is to eat what she wants when she wants it, and as much of it as she pleases. Food is a huge idol in our society and most of us have to be on watch that we do not indulge our flesh (literally and figuratively) by overeating (Phil. 3:19). In our church culture, food is a centerpiece of nearly every get-together, and we must practice self-discipline in eating right, and getting ample exercise.
How we spend our free time is another thing that reveals the heart in marriage. Rarely does a divorce occur when the couple spends time together involved in mutual interests. Simple things like yard sales, grocery shopping, trips to the hardware store, yard work, or enjoying coffee on the back deck are ways of spending time together. What I see in divorce cases is that the couple is spending more and more time apart pursuing separate interests and in time they come to avoid each other! Both woman and men claim a right to "me time" which has no place in a marriage!
Each of these actions began as a thought, a belief, or a desire in the heart of the man or woman. Somewhere along the way, they decided that it was alright to take this action and live this way. What began as something pleasing to them has systematically torn down their marriage until there is little to nothing left.
Then comes the separation and eventually, the divorce.