Deliver my soul, O Lord, from lying lips, from a deceitful tongue. Psalm 120:2
Yesterday we began learning how to deal with the results of being deceived by someone important to you. As with anything else, the choice is to respond biblically (in a manner that glorifies God) or respond according to the desires of the flesh knowing that this will not bring God glory.
I think each of us enters into a relationship with a degree of trust that is either proven to be well placed and grows stronger or is proven to be mis-placed and decreases with time and revelations of lies. When the trust we have placed in someone is broken through deception few are willing to grant a "refill" on trust without some demonstration that they are worthy of that trust.
This is frequently misunderstood as being vengeful and bitter toward them, even though we have granted them forgiveness which is a biblical response. It is not vengeful to hold them accountable and to urge them to change .
Many are afraid to forgive a liar because they believe they are setting themselves up to be lied to again. They equate forgiveness with a restoration of trust which is not accurate. We can by God's grace forgive as we have been forgiven without restoring trust to its previous levels.
Trust is earned over time as a persons word is proven to be true. I follow the "trust but verify" method when I have been lied to. I am sure to tell the person that I want to trust them, but because of their lying to me I will have to have some evidence that their heart has changed. The evidence of heart change comes in life change.
As they demonstrate faithfulness and honesty trust in them increases accordingly. The relationship is restored and built and moves forward. This would be the godly response to being lied to. It leads to life in the relationship and peace and unity.
The sinful response to being lied to chooses to hold unforgiveness toward the person. They do not put it in the past and it is brought up repeatedly in whatever argument is current. This breeds bitterness and does not allow the relationship to move forward.