Forgiveness- A Few Excuses

Corrie Ten Boom was arrested with her family for hiding Jews during the Nazi holocaust and was placed in Ravensbruck along with her sister Betsie. Life was unbearably hard and the soldiers horribly cruel. In fact, Corrie watched Betsie die at the hands of the Nazi’s just three days before her own release. It would have been very easy to live the rest of her life an embittered, angry woman.

Corrie tells of doing a speaking engagement about her tragic life in the camp and after the meeting, a man approached her who she immediately recognized as a former guard in Ravensbruck. The man slowly approached her hat in hand and admitted to her that he had been a guard there. He confessed that he had done unspeakable things but had since become a Christian. He held out his hand in friendship and asked her to forgive him. Corrie said that in her flesh she did not want to forgive, that she didn’t feel forgiving but knew it was the right thing to do before God. She whispered a desperate prayer for help and then she placed her own hand in his and granted him the forgiveness he asked for.

This is what Corrie Ten Boom said: “Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.”

In other words, forgiveness is an act of the will and it doesn’t matter how you may feel about forgiving.

Anyone who has been wronged or harmed knows that forgiveness is the only right move but many people struggle deeply with this command of Scripture. It is easier to bury the issue under the rug of activity, or distraction, or excuses than it seems to be to forgive. Also, there is a gross misunderstanding about what biblical forgiveness truly is, therefore, people are not sure what they are agreeing to when asking for or granting forgiveness.

Some people simply don’t want to forgive. The hurt they have experienced is so great, and the pain goes so deep because the violation was so severe that they have decided that forgiveness can never be granted to that individual or group of people. Pastor James MacDonald says, “The bigger it is, the more you should want to get rid of it!” He adds; “Are you being destroyed by a massive injury caused by another that you won’t let go of? The bigger it is, the harder you fall.”

I have been told that in order to forgive you have to be able to forget the offense. This is simply untrue. Forgiving is a part of putting the offense in the rear view mirror of your life. As long as you are unforgiving you are cherishing that hurt, meditating on the wrong done to you, and dwelling on your pain and anger. This is simply not helpful in moving forward! You will not forget, until you learn to forgive. When you forgive it, you release it and then in time, you will begin to forget. Honest!

As I said before, the majority of people who are unforgiving do so by adopting the sweep it under the rug method of dealing with offense. They cite not having the time to deal with it, being too busy, or adopting the adage “time heals all wounds.” In the case of unresolved conflicts nothing could be further from the truth.

Second to that thought is the belief that if they forgive they will only be wronged again. What logic does that employ? Somehow, my holding unforgiveness toward someone is going to prevent them from sinning against me? I have news- they will most likely sin against you anyway. You are not hurting them one bit, but you are hurting yourself. Along that same track is the misunderstanding between forgiveness and trust. Forgiveness does not equal a return to trusting a person. When you grant forgiveness to your 16 year old for getting a speeding ticket it does not mean you trust them with the car keys!

I will end here for today, next time we will look at what forgiveness is not. It is just as important to know that as it is to know what it is!

A View From the Pig Sty

The Prodigal Son of Luke 15 is a very interesting story. I like how Jesus illustrated His teachings by the use of parables. One aspect of this particular parable has hit closer to home than I care to admit...

If I could just review this story with you for a moment: greedy, disrespectful son asks his dad for his inheritance. The son intends to take what he has coming (while his father is still alive!) and go off and live the high life. The father obliges his son and gives him his share of the inheritance and the son takes off without a backward glance.

This is mistake number 1. The son is discontent with his life, even though it appears he has a good life with his father and brother. He wants more than what he is due at this time in his life and is actually so impatient to have his worldly desires sated that he cannot wait for his father to die to collect his inheritance! His discontent is revealed in his grumbling and complaining about all that he does not have right now.

The father must have been heartbroken as he gave his son his share of the family goods. I can only imagine the impatient foot tapping of the son as each coin was counted out and put into his sack. He was so anxious to get away! He was so ready to be independent and free from his father and his life as he knew it. I wonder if the father counted slowly, trying to draw out the remaining minutes with his beloved son, hoping he would change his mind and stay.

When the money was counted out and the son had his full share he blew out of town without so much as a look over his shoulder or a wave at his father who surely stood there and watched him walk away.

Before long the son finds himself broke, starving, in wretched condition physically and so bad off he is longing to eat the pods fed to the swine. It was here, in the pig pen that the son finally got a clue. It was as he fed the pigs that which he could not even eat; as he wallowed in their filth and excrement exposed to the elements and miserable that he realized what he gave up and how he got in the pig sty.

I hate it when I wake up in the pig sty. When the day dawns and my spiritual consciousness arrives at the conclusion that I am in it deep and I stink, I am covered in filth and spiritually starving again. Why is it that there are just times we don't see it until we have wallowed a while? Why don't we recognize the beginnings of discontent while they are just small thoughts, simple desires and wrong beliefs?

We blunder on, blind to the idols of our hearts that pull us toward the slop of "having my own way," and "having what I want." We forget to be thankful for all that we have by grace, and we whine and complain that it is not enough. Our idols grow in stature and despite our protestations and proclamations of righteousness we are truly idol worshipers...self worshipers.

Has worshiping self ever gotten you anyplace other than the pig sty? Have you ever come out of idolatry smelling pure and sweet, washed clean and radiant? More likely, you (like me) came to your senses and realized what a foul stench you had become to God and all those downwind of you.

The only option of the Believer is repentance. The only way out of the pig sty is past the cross of Jesus Christ. As you lay at the foot of the cross in worship of Him and His glory and majesty you are washed clean by His lavish grace and mercy. All of heaven rejoices when a sinner repents for it puts the cross of Jesus on grand display and our awesome God is brought much glory! For it is nice for a "good" person to be forgiven, but it is nothing short of amazing when an evil person is forgiven.

So, I have climbed out of the pig sty and once again gone to that blessed cross. I came stinking and wretched and foul and He has washed me white as snow. All I can do is lift my hands in worship and praise- Oh what a Savior!

Leaving A Legacy

Unless you live under a media rock, you know that Michael Jackson has died. As I listened to report after report, and "friend" after "friend" eulogize him I was struck by the things being said about him.

He was most certainly a great entertainer, and an entire generation of people grew up listening to his music and watching his unbelievable dance moves. His life was somewhat of a sideshow and sadly, his talent was overshadowed by accusations and suspicions of immoral behavior. He was also very philanthropic, giving to more charities than any other person on earth.

What legacy has this superstar left behind? What will be our lasting memories of this man turned pop icon?

Now what about you, and what about me? If you died suddenly what kind of legacy would you leave your family? Would it be one of

• She was a good wife
• She was a great mother
• She was a hard worker
• She was a dedicated servant in church
  

I hope all those things are one day said of me, but I have a greater desire. I hope that one day it can be said of me that, "Julie honored God by how she lived her life." I figure, if I am making that my goal each day then I will be all of those other things by default.

I do not care a whit about fame or fortune, popularity or notoriety. While I am very grateful for all the nice things the readers of the blog and of my books say about me or my writing I cannot take any of those things along from this life; and when I am in the grave they will all be meaningless. What I pray for is that if anything at all is said about me that it would be that I loved the Lord and that I dedicated my life to His service. I hope it is said that I proclaimed Christ, gloried in the cross, and made the most of every opportunity in these evil days.

Yes, fame and fortune like Michael Jackson had would have been nice for creature comforts, but where did it leave him in life? Cloistered, haunted, and frankly just plain weird would describe his life with all his millions. More importantly, where did it leave him in death?!
What did it all get him in eternity? Does God care about his fame and millions? Hardly.

What God cares about is what Michael Jackson did with Jesus. That is really the only legacy that matters in the end.

Grief

Today is a day of grieving for me. It is nearly 6 months since my mom went home to be with Jesus and there are still times the grieving is very hard.

I think so often about what she would have to say about how much my life has changed since her passing, and I long to talk with her. When I am driving places I wish I could call her and just discuss life again... Days like this one make me so very glad I spent all that time with her when I did, caring for her and loving her and showing her Jesus.

I got to thinking that (duh!) I am not the only one in this position, lots of people have lost someone they love so dearly and deeply! How can we grieve honestly and yet honor God in the process?

I once had a pastor tell me that I should not cry when a Believer died, that it was somehow wrong to grieve their passing- what hogwash! Even when a Believer passes on there is a void that remains in the life of those left behind. Memories, keepsakes, and special events are brought back to the forefront of life in the days and weeks after the passing of someone you love.

So, how should we grieve? As in all things the Word of God is our final authority and to it we must go for our answer. Jesus wept (John 11:35) because He felt emotion. He wept as He saw the pain and suffering of His friends in the death of Lazarus. He wept even though He knew Lazarus would be raised from the dead in minutes!

The Apostle Paul said in 1 Thess 4:13 that we must not grieve like those who are hopeless. In other words, we are not to grieve over the death of a Believer as we would over the death of an Unbeliever. Our loved ones who trusted Christ for their salvation are truly rejoicing from the moment they take their last breath! There is true hope in that reality but it does not mean that we do not grieve at all. We would be cold and hard hearted in such a case! We still are separated from someone we love, we still experience a loss, even if it is only a temporary loss. We cannot enjoy their presence right now or most likely for years to come. The good times we shared with them here are over forever and that surely leaves a gaping hole in our lives.

As I said before, something I miss terribly is being able to call my mom on the phone. We talked almost daily, even if it was only a few minutes sharing each others daytime activities. Her voice is still on the answering machine at my dad's house, and it is a great comfort to me at times just to be able to connect with those days.

While I grieve deeply for loosing all those things I enjoyed, I also rejoice in knowing where she is and that she is pain free, walking with Jesus, knowing Him completely, and...waiting for me.

Humility in Leadership

Today's post is for those of you who counsel. You are a leader. Truthfully, anyone who is in the role of mentoring or discipling others is in a position of leadership. It may not be an official position in your church, but trust me, you are a leader to the women you minister to.

All leadership is a position of trust. Someone trusts you enough to allow you into their private life and to share with you difficult, sometimes intimate, and always painful details of their relationships.

Many women who disciple have undergone extensive training and possess great knowledge and wisdom from a biblical point of view. Because the heart of (wo)man is sinful and depraved it is easy to become prideful and puffed up with knowledge. The temptation can be there to begin to think one is beyond correction or reproach. I have seen it happen to counselors and pastors alike, so I know this is true!

How can we maintain a humble heart?

1. Examine yourself. Ask yourself the hard questions. Do you bristle when someone has a better way than yours? Do you seek the wisdom of others? What happens when someone criticizes you? Do you listen and evaluate what is true and repent and change, or do you justify and rationalize your behavior?
   
2. Ask a close friend to tell you the truth. This is tough, and a willingness to do this is a good sign you have some measure of humility already! I would suggest that if you are going to take this step that you be prepared for whatever is said to you. You may hear things you are not expecting.
   
3. Pray God would illuminate your heart to the sins therein. God is the Chief exposer of the heart and He desires for us to be humble. In fact, Scripture tells us that God opposes the proud! (James 4:6)
   
4. Once you become aware of what lurks there, you are to confess those sins to God. Confession means that you agree that you have been wrong, that you have sinned. If you have sinned against another person by your lack of humility then you must confess to them as well. Two of the most difficult words for a person who struggles with humility to utter are "I'm sorry."
5. Ask your friends and family for forgiveness and thank God for His forgiveness.
   
6. Make yourself accountable to someone who is not afraid to be honest with you.
   

A refusal to take any of these steps is a clear indication that you may not be "fit" for service to the King right now. We are held to a much higher standard by God because of the Truth we present to the people of God. Our actions and attitudes, thoughts beliefs and desires are to be worthy of imitation by those we disciple and mentor. It is a humbling thought for me as I reflect on my own heart and realize that I am not always a godly example.

My sinful humanity tends to sneak in from around the edges. If it were a frontal assault I would recognize it immediately and refute it, but the sin-seed that is in my own heart is so deceptive and so sneaky that I don't always see it until it has given birth to full blown sin. Be mindful of the deceptiveness of the pride that resides in your heart.

When Your Child is Not a Christian

What do you do when they have heard it all before; your son or daughter seems to have all the right answers, but their life is opposite of how we know a Christian is to live?

How do you get through the heartache and the heartbreak of realizing that one of your children is not a part of God's family?

How much do you say to them about salvation? Do you cut them off for refusing to repent? These are but a few of the questions the parent of a prodigal child has. There are so many variables in situations I would not attempt to give a "one size fits all" response to them, but some things will be universal and I will outline them here.

Parent: you are responsible before God to present Christ to your child and to live a life that glorifies God. That is a life of honesty, integrity, service to others, and selflessness. You are responsible to live what you say you believe! If you have brought your children up in the reverence of the Lord, with a solid biblical foundation - that is all you can do. Ultimately, you are not responsible for what your child does with the Jesus question.

Parent, you are responsible to pray for your child. Wayward or not, prayer is always the right thing to do for others. Parents struggle knowing what to pray for though. It is hard to pray God would bless your child when he/she is living a life of wanton sin and rebellion. In such a case, prayer for repentance and conviction is in order, not a blessing! The best thing that could happen to a rebellious child is to be under the discipline of God. Pray that God would do whatever it takes to bring your child to the place where they cry out for the grace and mercy of God.

Praying for God to act in your child's life means you have to stay out of the way when He does! The hardest thing for parents is to stop protecting our children from things that hurt. In this case, some pain and hurting may be the very best thing for your child. Nothing makes us cry out for God like pain and suffering does. God is the master surgeon, He knows exactly what is needed to affect the heart.

Continue to evangelize your child. Even though they have heard the gospel many times and may even claim to believe, if their life's work is not directed biblically and lived with a desire to glorify God, they may not be saved.

Continue to love your child, and tell them so, often. Accept your child for who they are and don't expect them to act as though they are saved when they are not. Always speak the truth in love and remind them that God's mercy never fails.

Part 2

Many of our wayward children are miserable no matter what facade they present to their friends or to us. Those Prodigals are slopping with the pigs in spite of how happy and boisterous they appear.

What do we do when our children who professed Christ at one point in their lives are living like the world? How do we reach them when they have heard it all before, and can parrot the gospel back to us even though it seems to mean nothing to them? What do we say to a daughter or son who posts Bible verses on their MySpace or Facebook and lives an immoral and godless lifestyle otherwise?

The sad truth is that their hearts may not have been affected by the truth. It is one thing to know the truth and another to believe the truth. With this in mind, challenge the child with what Paul said in 2 Cor 13:5, test yourselves to see if you are in the faith, examine yourselves!

Remind them that their salvation is not evaluated by something they have done in the past (pray a prayer, walk an aisle), it is evaluated by the present. In the examination process, there must be evidence of a new life, there must be something to convict them of being a Christian beyond their words.

No judge in the world would take only the word of a person who confessed to a crime if there was no evidence to back it up. Plenty of unbalanced people have claimed to be famous killers but were released from police custody when there was no proof to connect them to the crimes no matter how much they proclaimed they were guilty. Similarly, a person who claims to be a Christian but has no proof of their claim cannot be believed either.

A person who is a Believer will have evidence in their lives of their claim. There will be an ongoing desire for holiness and an increasing hatred of their sin (Rom 7:15-25). It is not as though they are sinless, but progress in holiness is evident. If their life is characterized by sin and disobedience it is possible they are living as disobedient Christians, but it is far more likely they are not saved at all. They (and you) have to face the fact that they are not truly a Christian.

This is the hardest for us as parents because we hope beyond hope that we are wrong and they really are saved. The feelings of grief and sorrow go so deep when we realize our beloved son or daughter is lost and in eternal danger. It breaks the hearts of parents who have poured their lives into their children and raised them according to biblical principles to see their kids reject Christ.

All we can do is to continue to pray for our children and point them back to the cross over and over. We must continually challenge their thinking and lifestyle- not with our own preferences, but by the standard of the Word of God.

Let them know you love them over and over, despite how they behave. It is most difficult to love someone who is "unlovable" but God will enable you to do so.

When the Unsaved Is Your Child...

I have spent the past couple days on counseling the unsaved person who thinks they are saved. I know this hits painfully close to home for some of you. You have children you have raised in Christian homes, in the church and Awana or Pioneer club. You sent them to Christian school or you maybe even home schooled them and somewhere along the way you began to question if all that you poured into them actually stuck.

What began as a little niggle in your mind has over time become a roar of concern as you see them make one worldly choice and decision after the next. Their language and music, clothing and friends all speak of ungodliness. When you confront them their words assure you that they really meant it when they got saved, and that there is really nothing wrong with what they do. Somehow, your concern is twisted around and becomes "judging" and you wind up defending your words and actions before the conversation is over!

This is common place stuff in many of our Christian homes these days. We have got to know how to address our kids who "prayed the prayer" or walked an aisle, or recommitted their lives to Christ at youth camp one summer. We have got to know what our role is in the lives of our kids who profess but don't live it. The age of the child does matter. Parents still have time with younger ones to influence and mold their hearts and wills and orient them toward Christ.

It is the older ones, the high school and over age that I will address here. It is sad that so many homes have become battle grounds for the sake of Christ and salvation. Parents, can I remind you of some truth? You are not responsible for their decision regarding Christ. Your job as Mom and Dad is to present the truth to them about the gospel of Jesus Christ accurately and you are responsible to live the truth of the gospel as well.

God is the one who decides who will be saved. Not you, not me, not your pastor or youth leader, and not even your child. Ephesians 1 makes that crystal clear.

...just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, Ephesians 1:4-5 (NASB)

If God chose them, they will come. No one can resist His calling on their life, you can be comforted in that truth. Does that absolve us of our responsibility to evangelize them? NO, by no means is that the intention of Paul. The question is just what means will it take to get their attention? Do not be so prideful to think that you must be the one who eventually really leads them to Christ. If God intends to save them, He will do so before they take their last breath.

What do we do when they have heard it all before, the kid seem to have all the right answers, but their life is opposite of how we know they are to live? We will have to save that for tomorrow because it is too long to cover today.

Why Does He Think He is Saved?

Yesterday I blogged the first entry about salvation. I get lots of questions on this topic because there are an abundance of people in our lives who claim to be Christians and their actions are quite contrary to their words. Why is this? It is because so many have the wrong understanding of salvation.

Lots of people out there “get saved” because someone wanted to scare the hell out of them. Someone presents the threat of hell and uses all the scary verses in the Bible about what it is like, and people naturally don’t want to go there, so they are willing to pray a prayer! Others pray a prayer of salvation because they think this is a good and helpful thing to my life- this is the “well it can’t hurt” attitude of salvation. They figure they already have been baptized and confirmed and they are a pretty good person, so they figure they can just seal the deal by doing this. Far too many people want to get saved because they think Jesus will give them what they want- God as the cosmic Santa Clause, the genie in the bottle, rub the magic lamp. Then it becomes all about me and nothing about glorifying God, or wanting to live for Him, or understanding I am a sinner.

Sadly, I see so many people that want to be saved “in their sin” and not “from their sin” –The message of the contemporary churches is come as you are, and stay that way. Easy believism rules the day! In this seeker/market driven mentality a person can come to church, hear about Jesus, and God, and listen to a few carefully selected Bible verses that will confirm that while they may not be perfect, they just are not that bad. The preacher nudges his church attendees in the direction of seeing what a sinner is, but there is little to convict them that they actually are one! The message is that it is okay to keep living as you are – there is no confrontation about obvious sin, no reason to confront immorality or unbiblical divorce or living together. The idea is just “get saved” “ask Jesus into your heart” and keep on living your life the way you always have. They say that one day you will turn it around, when you are ready.

Yes, I realize some of you reading today might be upset at this critique of some churches, and some might accuse me of being judgmental. I accept your critique and your criticism and in love, I tell you I don’t care if you criticize me. It is truly more important that these heresies are exposed for what they are: cheap grace and not a true presentation of the gospel or the salvation bought for us by Christ. And because harm reduction theology seems to rule the day in the evangelical churches of America we are meeting more and more people who claim to be Christians but are unconverted.

I have been presented with people who claim to be saved, can tell me all the “requirements” for salvation, and can point to a time in their life where they prayed or walked an aisle but now they live like the devil. Often these folks claim to have received Christ as a child, or on a street corner, or at some evangelistic conference.

When a person professes Christ and it is a true conversion, there WILL be a change in their life. Those who say you can continue living the way you please, with a lifestyle full of sinful practices and activities are self-deceived.

2 Cor. 5:17 tells us that there has been a transformation inside- the believer is a new creation, the old has passed away, we have become new. The new wineskin does not leak like the old one. It does not behave in the same manner. One pastor said this: “Who or what you are vertically changes how you behave horizontally.” If there has been a vertical change, where the old has been made new positionally, then there will be a horizontal change- you will live life differently, behave differently, and think differently.

It is so important to help people understand that if their behavior is carnal on a consistent basis they may not really be saved.

Is He Saved or Not?

I have been thinking a lot about this topic. My concern for gospel presentation goes very deep because of what I have seen as results of the gospel being presented en mass and incomplete.

I am not what I would consider a skilled evangelist. I know the Romans Road and the “proper” presentation of the gospel. I have been trained how to present the gospel in many ways and I don’t use any of them. For the record, I have had the privilege of being used by God to lead people to Christ- not hundreds, not even 20, maybe not even 10. I don’t keep score.

The weight of the salvation decision is obviously great. It is what separates the sinner from heaven and hell. Due to improper presentation of the gospel, I believe we have churches full of unconverted people all trying to work out a salvation they do not even possess.

I have seen people walk an aisle or raise a hand when they are asked if “they want to receive Jesus as their savior.” I have seen those who have embraced a prayer without having any other clue as to what was supposed to happen, or what supposedly did happen to them in that moment. We have churches full of people who are confused because their lives have not changed one bit since they have prayed that prayer. They have no new desires, no new direction, and they cannot understand why “God does not work for them.” They are defeated and miserable, waiting for this joy and jubilation they see among others at their churches.

In the counseling room, I have a unique opportunity to meet with people who are not saved, people who think they are saved but are not, people who are saved and who are living in deep unrepentant sin, and people who are saved that are not sure they are saved for a variety of reasons. My counsel relies 100% on the activity of the Holy Spirit in a person’s life for change and if there is no Holy Spirit, there will be no change.

This may shock you, but I am not willing to try and press someone into getting saved. I generally do not push for a decision. I want them to know (if they are not saved) about the power of the Holy Spirit to change hearts and lives. I want them to know that if God wants them, He will have them.

I am not so prideful to believe that I am their only hope of hearing the gospel, and if God intends to save them He will do so before they take their last breath- even if it is not at our first counseling session. I want them to understand that their presenting problem is what God is using to bring them to this point of decision in their life- to reveal the real problem. It is a tool that He is using to reveal that they are in need of a savior. I give them hope that the Bible has the answers to their problems and that I am confident that we could discover them together if they decide to go on with counseling.

I am going to continue this tomorrow.