Seeing My Heart

This is going to be another "see my heart" moment. For well over a decade I have been in the service of the King in one way or another. Teaching Bible study, mentoring, serving in ministries within the church. Over the past five years God has blessed me beyond all measure in allowing me to be on staff in a counseling center in WI bringing the ministry of soul-care through intensive discipleship and intensive biblical counseling. This has truly been the joy of my life.

Anyone who knows me knows that I eat, sleep, and breathe biblical counseling and discipleship. It is my heartbeat, and next to my God and my family- it is my life.

I have been struggling greatly since making the move to Missouri because I have not been doing what God has called me to do, which is to live my life in service to Him as a Biblical Counselor. Until recently, I was not been able to understand why I am so miserable and discontent inside, for I am a woman who is very blessed by God. I have a wonderful godly husband, great kids, a nice home, a decent income, and I am blessed beyond measure by our church family. Why is my heart disquieted within me?

I recently met with a fellow biblical counselor and we discussed my dis-contentedness over coffee. She had an interesting perspective on this. She stated to me that because I am now working full time outside my home I am violating Titus 2- being a keeper at home and this is the origin of my discontent.

I cannot deny this is true. While I enjoy the contact I have with the people I serve daily in my job my heart is not in it. While I pray daily that I would do my job for the glory of God and I believe that I do that (not perfectly of course) I ache when I leave the house each morning and cannot wait to return at the end of the workday.

I simply love being a wife and mother. I love cooking and cleaning and caring for my family! It is what I was created to be- a help meet for my husband. I also miss spending my days immersed in biblical counseling and discipleship and God's Word. I miss devoting my waking hours ministering truth to hurting women. I long to return to this way of life.

Titus 2 tell me as a woman and now as an "older woman" that I am to be a teacher of good things, the things which are fitting for sound doctrine. To be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance. I am to be reverent in my behavior, not a malicious gossip nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, encouraging young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

This is what the Lord says I am to do with my life. It is my calling, my strength, and my overwhelming and driving passion. I have a plan to reach all around the world with the kinds of messages this blog provides through webinars and internet radio. I am working toward opening a Biblical Counseling Center for this very purpose- to invest my life in the people God brings my way, to be a minister to the hurting souls of people.

So, how do I make this a reality? One way would be just to resign my full time position. While it would please my flesh to do so, and also my heart, I know that it would cause my husband to suffer some anxious moments in the financial department. We have to take care of some things first- be responsible. God is very gracious and we are making headway in this area. We are using the Financial Peace principles of Dave Ramsey (a big shout out to Dave!) to eliminate all debt and to make these desires a reality.

I must raise enough support to supplement my husband's income so as not to be selfish and financially irresponsible. I will be applying for non-profit status to enable anyone would would like to contribute to the counseling ministry to receive a tax deduction.

The way this blog page looks will also be changing to accommodate some other things. One of which will be a paypal button for anyone who would like to contribute to the ongoing ministry of Biblical Counseling for Women. Until the non-profit thing is done you wont be able to deduct any contributions.

The content will remain centered around God's Word and its application to our hearts and lives. That will never change.

The most necessary element of all of this is prayer. I have given of myself for over two years to this blog, and I am asking that those of you who follow it would commit to praying for me; that if these changes in my life would glorify God that He would richly bless my goals and desires and then quickly make these things a reality.

When I began today's post, I had no intention of laying all this out there and now that it is written I have to conclude it is time to do so. These things have been on my heart for months and now that I have shared my burden with you it is lighter. Now that I have asked for prayer I am hopeful.