"To Keep Me From Exalting Myself..."

Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself! 2 Corinthians 12:7 (NASB)

In 2 Cor 12 Paul is telling about the thorn in the flesh that he was given. In the preceding verses Paul was telling the Corinthians of his trips to the third heaven. He had been in the place where God dwells and he had surpassing great revelations.

These kind of things could cause a man to become prideful (smile). Paul was keenly aware of the danger of his flesh to become prideful and to flaunt this before the other apostles and believers in Christ.

Can you imagine having that conversation with the Sons of Thunder? “What have you guys been up to? I have been to the third heaven where God dwells, how ‘bout you?”

We are all capable of such pride. When we have those mountaintop experiences, or especially a string of them, we can become a bit haughty.  Paul was no different. He was human and according to Romans 7:14 he did struggle with the flesh!  There were times Paul still desired to sin and there were times he did sin.

God, in His wisdom afflicted Paul with whatever the thorn in his flesh was to keep this from happening, to keep him humble. We don’t know for sure if it was physical affliction or a church issue, or a literal messenger of Satan. What we do know that Paul was begging for relief from it. Three times he asked God for relief. 

Our hearts are so naturally bent on pride anyway that is doesn’t take too much to put us over the top. No doubt Paul was at risk for such a thing after such a glorious experience.

Paul began to understand that the purpose of this particular affliction was to humble him. Suffering is a humbling thing. It brings you to the end of yourself.

Humility born of suffering is an aspect of character in a godly person; the person God is shaping you into. In 1 Peter 3:8 (NASB) Peter outlines what that person looks like:

…harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead.

In Philippians 2:3 Paul says,  Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 

We don’t naturally put others before ourselves, and when we are told we are prideful we become indignant and deny it.  

Our hearts are so rebellious… The heart of pride is a devastating thing in a Christian.  God knows we are prideful. As has been said before we want to be independent and self-sufficient and there is no place for either of those in the life of a believer.  Invariably pride is the number one cause of the problems that bring people to counseling, and the other roots stem from that single devastating tap root. 

If you recall, pride is what turned the most beautiful angel God created into Satan! Pride is one of those sneaky things that we disguise as other things. We call it control, self-centered, being shy, perfectionistic, and independent, self-sufficient and so on. The world has disguised pride as having low self-esteem.  We place such a high value of ourselves-independent of God. 

We need to be humbled. The heart of pride must be vanquished.

Are You Captive to Your Treasures?

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 (NASB)

Many of us struggle mightily with circumstances that cause us to be anxious, fearful and to worry.  These are perilous and difficult days we are living in! There is so much uncertainty for us with the economy and employment being so volatile. 

It is easy to forget that God is in charge of all these things and knows the end from the beginning in each person's life.

John MacArthur says, "God does not merely use the circumstances in our lives, as in “somehow” works with them after the fact. He actually causes them. The Sovereignty of God is exhaustive and he ordains, both causes and effects or another way of putting it is He ordains the ends and the means to those ends. In His providential care God orchestrates every event in life-even suffering, temptation, and sin-to accomplish both our temporal and eternal benefit."

We need to be constantly reminded that is God who not only uses our circumstances, but causes them in the first place. We must look to the Old Testament narratives and the New Testament testimonies of the servants of God to see how He orchestrated every event down to the smallest detail in order to accomplish what He had planned.  

One example would be Israel. God brought them into Egypt in the first place, brought them out 400 years later (as He foretold He would do) , and took care of them every step of the way as they wandered for 40 years in the desert.  

In spite of God's faithfulness to them, they were fearful and complained about everything!

What indeed do they have to be fearful about? What do they have to worry about? What do they have to complain about? Why are they so anxious? Why do they fret?

Well, like us, they had heart problems that caused them to doubt God’s goodness, His provision, and His divine plan for their lives. The doubt feeds the fears and the desires of the heart, that is, what we really worship, forms a vicious circle of out of control emotion and paralyzing fear.

Consider Job and his wife for a moment. Job is struck and afflicted, his family is killed, all his worldly goods are gone. His wife suggests he curse God and die. 

But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips. Job 2:10

The word foolish does not mean ‘silly” but refers to one who rejects God or His revealed will. Such a person is considered “unwise” in Scripture because they doubt God and His power, His goodness and object to the circumstances He has sovereignly placed in their lives.

Job, on the other hand was willing to accept the circumstances as from God. He did not blame Satan and he did not blame the Chaldeans. He recognized that both were instruments of God’s revealed will and was therefore able to live out his belief in God's sovereignty. Simply put, Job trusted God rather than trusting his own "wisdom"!

Spiritually, worry is a form of idolatry and a fruit of unbelief. On a practical level the chronic worrier is unwise, living as if there is no God to place trust in.

In Matt 6:19-21 our Lord deals with seeking and trusting in various treasures. Worry involves earthly things to worry about or treasures:  (job, marriage, money, relationships, death, any desire, lust, passion of the heart )

What you are focusing on (eyes for) competes with God. Focusing and fixating on them gets the heart (inner self) attached. The thought process sounds like; when, how, if, how soon will these treasures fail?

The man is help captive to the idea of losing his treasure.

We try to manipulate our idols. We want something from our idols-the pay off is a temporary reassurance. In reality, the idol master’s you and you serve it-the manipulation is a two-way street.

What you value supremely will rule your life. In other words what you treasure rules you.

Is this really God's ideal for His people? 

Worried? Anxious? There is Hope!

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.  But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.  Matthew 6: 25:34

In this short section of Scripture Jesus uses the word “anxious” five times and the word “worry” and worried” are used to convey the same idea.  Thayer’s Greek definition means to be in a state of anxiousness, or deeply troubled with cares. The basic Greek word form means to be distracted.

One of the strongest emotions that God placed within man is fear. In the normal sense of the term, fear is just fine. Fear can be reality based or it can be based in thoughts that have no connection to the immediate reality.

Fear has valuable uses. But fear, like other emotions can be abused. It may be allowed to control us rather than be controlled by us. Someone who is overly fearful and is being controlled by their fears may become  paralyzed by their fears and may appear catatonic. 

Anxiety refers to a general feeling of tension and concern that something fearful may happen.

It is based on “what if.”  Anxiety is often the result of wrong thinking. We get an anxious thought, and begin to ruminate on it, meditate on that thought. As we roll it over and over in our minds it becomes more real and more probable that it will come to pass. We begin to tell ourselves it will become reality when we have little to no factual reason to think so.

This causes our heart rate to rise, palms to sweat, breathing to become rapid. By our thoughts, we have manipulated our bodies into responding as though we are in trouble. It is not good to live on this plane of anxiety it is very stressful on the mechanics of the body.

Often times, we worry for nothing, because events do not transpire or take place as we fear. Besides, what can you do about most stuff anyway? Not much, for many things are way beyond our puny attempts to control them.

Worry also indicates a lack of understanding of God’s sovereignty. If we have faith and trust in a God who is faithful and has all events in His hand then why worry? It says to us we do not truly believe God will work out all things for our good.

Our passage in Matthew then says we should work on problems about which we can do something. 

 "Worry is anxiety over circumstances beyond our control. Worry is based on the fear that God is not control of our lives. It is a self-inflicted panic that is the opposite of confidence in God."  From Overcoming Life’s Toughest Problems, Dr. Ed Hindson, Associate Pastor Rehobeth Baptist Church

By-products of our thinking means “our present state of mind.” We think ourselves into a state of worry and anxiety and fear. For example, if we judge a situation to be scary (car stuck on train tracks) we will feel afraid. By the same token, if we judge a social situation to be scary, we will feel afraid.

The bottom line on worry is that worry is sin!

The original definition of worry we looked at said that worry, anxiousness and unreasonable fear is sin. While the sin is rooted in our hearts, it’s propelled outward by unbiblical thinking which leads to unbiblical actions.

Why is Worry Sin?  It shows a lack of faith in God (Matt. 6:25-34), is forbidden by God (Matt. 6:34; Phil. 4:6-7), and can destroy the body by creating things like ulcers (1 Cor. 6:19).

God guarantees help and hope to worriers! He has already made a way though whatever situation we are presented with- the Word applied to our lives by the power of the Spirit. This is very hopeful for us. It means there are answers

Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope. Psalm 119:49 ESV

We do not have to live as slaves to any sin as Christians. The sin we habitually commit is something we can overcome in part by learning and holding to a sound, foundational theology, based on faith in God and His trustworthy Word.(Rom. 6:6,7).

"I Am Praying"

"I am praying."  This message showed up in my text message Sunday afternoon. Yesterday, I received an email from a friend who wrote that they were praying for us. As I left church a young man told me the same thing, "I am praying." What comforting words to receive in any form. Do you realize the power behind those three small words?

When someone tells me they are praying for me or mine it shows me they are invested, and that they are partaking in my sorrow or my concern. It is a revelation of their heart; that family goes beyond their own four walls and outside of their spouse and children.

Saying you will pray is selfless and sacrificial. You are taking time out of your busy morning, afternoon, or evening to plead my case before the Ruler of the Universe. When you tell me you are praying for me I understand the word "am" to mean it is ongoing, that my need has affected you deeply enough that you will bring it to the throne until you hear otherwise.

Praying for me or someone else is an indication that you place a value on who I am as a person, and on what I bring to the family of God. You pray because I have affected your life in a way that you are thankful for. Bring prayed for is humbling.

Praying is an act of obedience, and a demonstration of unity in the Body of Christ. Praying together for the needs of one another was an important function of the early church and was a main exhortation of the Apostles.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.  James 5:16 (NASB)

 Praying for me is an act of love. The fellowship love (phileo) of Christian sisters, and the selfless love (agape) that Christ demonstrates toward us. Praying for someone is giving of yourself and in doing so, you are expecting nothing in return.

Perhaps when you pray you shed tears for my plight. What a wonderful thing that God allows us to be so deeply affected for one another! It is so hope giving as I understand that I am not alone in the trial, that others are standing along side me, holding me and caring for me as I walk through whatever it is that God brings to me to deal with.

Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart, for you have been born again not of seed which is perishable but imperishable, that is, through the living and enduring word of God. 1 Peter 1:22-23 (NASB)

When you commit to praying for my concerns you are evidencing the Christ-life within you! Were it not for Him you would have no desire to pray for me, you would have no connection with me (or God) and my needs would pass you by unnoticed.  It is because of Christ that we have been enabled to care, and pray, and love one another from a changed and regenerated heart. 

Praying for others is a blessing, both to the one who prays and to the one who receives.

Gauging the Love of God

Have you ever doubted the love of God in your life? Do little things happen that are not a part of your plan and cause you to wonder, “Don’t You love me God?” 

Have you ever been there? Have you been in the midst of some difficult circumstances and wondered if God loves you? Or, have you ever believed that you sinned so greatly that God could never love you or accept you? Some of you have, I know. 

What would you have to see or experience to realize this love? How about a day where everything goes right, or an extra paycheck or bonus shows up in your mail slot? For multitudes of people the gauge of God’s love are the circumstances in their lives. If things go well then God loves them and is pleased with them. If things go badly then God is somehow displeased with them, especially if things go wrong for an extended period of time. 

I once went through a horrible time of conflict and thought that God was done with using me in ministry as a result of it. I was very, very sad at this thought but wanted what God wanted for me and for His church. I did not realize that I was questioning God’s love for me in the midst of all that grief until I was asked to participate in the Christmas service by reading the Word of God to the congregation. I was simply overjoyed at the privilege of being asked to share the very Word of God on Christmas and vividly recall hanging up the phone and with shouts of joy and tears saying, “You do still love me! You do still love me!” 

Until that moment I did not realize I doubted Him. I also did not realize that my beliefs were in conflict with the truth of Scripture. I did not realize what an insult such thoughts and beliefs truly are. 

Listen, when you are tempted to think such thoughts ask yourself this, exactly how much more would God have to do for you to show you that He loves you? What more this there than death? 

For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8

I repeat, what more can a person do for you to show you His love than to die for you? We make heroes out of men who jump on train tracks to rescue a little child and rightfully so! What about one Man who provided a way of rescue for every man woman and child ever born? What else could He possibly do to persuade you of His love? 

Jesus is enough! His death was enough to prove the love of God for us my friends. His death was sufficient to secure our salvation. His death was enough to secure our life. His death was proof of His love as on that day for the first time ever in all of eternity God turned His face away from His own Son. (Matt.27:46) 

But the LORD was pleased To crush Him, putting Him to grief; If He would render Himself as a guilt offering… Isaiah 53:10

God did not spare His own Son in any respect in this death. Jesus’ death was not private as His betrayer’s was. (Matt. 27:3-5, Acts 1:18) It was not a simple hanging in a deserted place or a neat and orderly affair, it was a bloody, messy, vile affair that was public; and every stripe was intentional, every drop of blood spilled was accounted for. 

In his book Grow in Grace Sinclair Ferguson says, “When we think of Christ’s dying on the cross we are shown the lengths to which God’s love goes in order to win us back to Himself. We would almost think that God loved us more than he loves His Son. We cannot measure His love by any other standard. He is saying to us, ‘I love you this much.’”

Carefully read Isaiah 53 today. Spend some time meditating on the great love that God has shown us in Jesus Christ. Put away the childish notions that worldly things are evidence of His love and favor and instead think on things that are true (Phil 4:8)

“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

The Opinions of Man Are...

It seems that I am always struggling with various circumstances in life, and decisions that must be made. I am a firm believer in the sovereignty of God (that should come as no surprise to you who read this blog every day) and firmly believe that He is in charge of all the events of our lives. 

I realized one morning that I have made the same error as some women I meet with from time to time, in that I have made the opinions of man more important that the Word of God. Of course, it is not intentional but nevertheless I found myself realizing this morning that I have neglected to seek the wisdom, direction, and comfort of the Lord in these trying times as much as I ought to.

As I sat down with my Bible I was reminded of the verses in Jeremiah 17:5-8 which begins in this way, “Cursed is the man who puts his trust in man, and makes flesh his strength, whose heart departs from the Lord…”

The passage goes on to describe the results of putting your trust in man and taking pride in your own strength as being like a shrub in the desert, inhabiting the parched places in the wilderness. I can tell you it is true- I have been there. In fact, I may have my own mini forest of shrubs...

Doesn't it seem that we start strong with the Lord and fade out in the long stretches? We begin praying and seeking and wanting what God wants for us, and over time we become wrapped up in the details of the occasion and we turn away in our heart from focusing on Him.

Remembering that all that is of this world is temporary is an important piece of making it through this life.

“For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison.” 2 Corinthians 4:17

While Paul describes the afflictions of this life as “light” and “momentary” and our sufferings as temporary and designed only for this lifetime there are times I certainly struggle focusing on the eternal weight of glory they are producing (Romans 8:18)

Have you ever thought that present suffering will cause future glory? This is a tremendous promise! All of the difficulties, and trials, and sorrow and suffering that you and I endure in this life is affecting a change in the image of who we will become in eternity! This makes every single moment of our suffering very significant.

Even the worst of our sufferings are light compared with that “eternal weight of glory” which they are producing (1 Peter 5:10; 1 Peter 1:6; 2 Cor. 4:17.) They are nothing in duration. For these sufferings are but for a moment; but the glory we will share will be eternal. Sufferings will soon pass away; but the glory we will one day experience is never going to end. Do you have any concept of how long eternity is? I doubt it; I know I don’t really understand the idea of eternal or never ending.

Paul understood this; he learned it through his trials. His trials began the moment he began to preach Christ. He wanted us to get two ideas in as emphatic a manner as possible; first, that his afflictions were light, and, secondly, that they were momentary, and soon passing away. His object was to contrast trials with the glory that awaited him, as being heavy, and as being also eternal.

Our afflictions are working, producing, and affecting future glory.

This is why we are to set our minds on what is to come. Not on the problems, the suffering, the afflictions and begin to look at the glory that is to come! If we really take these verses to heart and begin to understand in more than a superficial way that in comparison to what is ahead off us- the joy, the wonder, the splendor, the glory- this stuff is nothing.

As you pray about the burdens you bear, where is your focus? Is your focus in prayer, “God please end this” or is it “God be glorified?”  Paul never would have made it if he lived focusing on the suffering, he understood that when it comes to suffering, our minds must be renewed and we must learn to focus on the glory to come.

Today, think of what God is accomplishing in this season of suffering. This time, think of the changes that have been made in your heart and life. Think of how your perspective has changed on things as a result of this trial.

And by all means, stay out of the desert!

Imploring From the Heart

Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:1-3

Each of the imperatives in Eph. 4:1-3 cannot be accomplished apart from the heart. Of course a person can fake being humble and gentle but not long term. Eventually the "real you" will squish out around the edges.  Tolerating idiosyncrasies in other people is much easier when the attitude of the heart is focused on being loving.

1 Corinthians 16:14 says, "Let all that you do be done in love." Love was the motivation for your salvation (Eph. 1:4) and it is how we are to build up this body (Eph 4:16). Love must come before programs, and outreach and service projects- it must come before it all or the work is useless.

We must speak the truth in love to one another, ( Eph 4:15) even when it is hard. Sometimes we manage the truth part, but we are far less than loving about it. Our words to one another are vicious and we intend to hurt with them and it seems that if we can't say what needs to be said in a hurtful manner we avoid it totally! This is not what Paul intended. We are instructed to speak spiritual truth to one another to help each other grow to be more like Christ. As we do this the body of Christ matures and grows stronger and it becomes more difficult to feed wrong doctrine to the church.

We are to walk in this love, and it is to be a way of life with each of us! Can you say that about yourself? Do you endeavor to walk in love in your relationships at church? Some people are just plain hard to get along with, I understand. But are we to hate them? Avoid them? Gossip about them and go out of our way to be difficult or to complicate their lives? Ephesians 5:1 says, "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma."

I suspect that much of the "love" we show one another is not as sacrificial or loving as we might like to thing it is. I also wonder how fragrant it is to Him.

You see, none of this is about us, it is about Him. It is about Jesus Christ. You and I and the other people in our fellowships are to be representing Him to the rest of the world. We are supposed to be Ambassadors for Christ, representing Him in this foreign land. We are commissioned to display Christ in such a way that other people want what we have!

As you reflect on your relationships with others please examine them in the light of Scripture and in light of your Ambassadorship for Christ. If you were on the outside looking in, would you want what you see being offered as "Christian?"

When Is Enough "Enough?"

Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus... 

Is your mind consumed by living your life or by giving of your life?  As I observe those around me it seems that most of them are consumed by living life. There is nothing wrong with enjoying various aspects of living, God intends that we do enjoy the fruit of our labors and that we make time for fun and relaxation.  When I find I am spending more time on fun and relaxation than serving others, I have to ask what my life is made of. What am I about?


When I first became saved I was all about the living of life. Things were very important to me, I spent my weekends at the mall, I had to be home to watch my favorite television shows. I think I had 60 pair of shoes! I was out for me, what I could get, and how I could live the best life possible.


When I began to grow in my faith I discovered a desire to serve. Sadly, that desire was still more about me and about being recognized than it was about God. After time, enough growth took place that I realized that was the wrong motive. I wish I could remember exactly when that switch was hit, and the change took place... I do remember thinking I would take the classes offered at church on theology. I wanted to be prepared for whatever God would want me to do.


I vividly remember when I realized a deep and yearning desire to give and serve. This was not a snap decision nor was it a lightweight thing. I sat on the steps alone, and prayed asking God to reveal to me if this weight I was experiencing was the call to serve, the call of ministry. It was a time of heavy contemplation and much angst.


That is when I became conscious of my life becoming about giving instead of living. I began to realize what the life of Christ was about, and it was service. The Gospels came alive in a new way as I understood that to be about serving was sacrifice. It was not about being thanked and recognized or appreciated, it was about hard work and invisibility.


Life that is Christ-centered is about giving and sacrifice. I desire to serve and yet my flesh desires to be selfish and self serving. This may be a battle that is with me for the rest of my life and one I will fight continually. Some say that you and I have given enough, that our lives are consumed by Christianity and service. They tell us it is not "normal" and we are "out of balance." In reality, the more we become like Christ, the more we are returning to our "normal" state-  pre-fall.

I am excited to see my heart being transformed despite the desire of my flesh to be indulged and coddled. I have learned that the giving of self is to be as complete on our end as it was on Christ's. When you and I reach the level of giving that costs us our lives then we have done enough. 

On Eagles Wings...

Are you discouraged today? Discouragement is a thief of joy, and brings with it thoughts, beliefs, and desires that are untrue. Everyone has occasional reason to be discouraged, and when this happens we tend to become introspective.

Have you been there? If so, you are not alone in discouragement today. I know we are not alone in struggling with discouragement as God has graciously given us many Psalms to read that record the discouragement of David, and others.

One thing I have noticed about the Psalms, those that begin on a discouraging note don't stay there. There are a few exceptions, but by and large the Psalms that begin down in the dumps conclude with the Psalmist soaring over his troubles and rejoicing. In between the dumps and the soaring is a whole lot of truth. So following the pattern of the wise men of old, you and I have to go back to the basics and preach truth to ourselves.

As out of control and discouraging as this all may appear to me God is in complete control of the situation. The truth is that God is fully aware of our circumstances. Nothing that is happening is catching Him by surprise because He has the long view. He knows the end from the beginning (Isa. 46:10) and He says that what He intends will be accomplished as a result of this time.

There is no need for us to fret and be anxious about any of these things because God intends to use them for our good and the good of all those involved. That good may not be what we think it will be...but we can be sure it will be what He has determined it to be. The good that God promises to bring about is that we will be conformed to His image We will learn more about Him and in some way we will be more like him, imagine that.

So what do we do in the meantime? We have to realize that sometimes there is nothing practical we can do about any of it, nothing for us to change. This can be most frustrating and add to the discouragement because we are action oriented people and long to fix things.

We must pray for the willingness to focus on Him instead of our circumstances. When we get our eyes off of the situation and begin to ask God to help us to glorify Him in the midst of the discouragement the clouds of gray will lift. Pray God will strengthen your heart with faith for continued testing that we might glorify Him as we go through this. There are times I am tired... but I am reminded of Paul's words:

...we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

Is the life of Jesus being manifested in you as you struggle? We can soar as David and Paul did in the midst of their trials. When David had no personal reason to praise God because his circumstances remained bleak he praised God for being GOD! He praised Him for being wonderful, gracious, kind, loving, merciful, patient, generous, worthy, mighty, glorious and every other attribute he could think of! Paul praised Him for Jesus Christ, salvation, redemption, forgiveness, justification, reconciliation, sanctification, and eternal glory with Him!

As you and I apply these same remedies to our lives we will experience the same shift in heart and mind that these two giants of the faith did. We will manifest Christ and live in the truth despite our circumstances. I have this urge to ask you if you feel better as though that is what it is all about but it is not. It is about Him and our Holy Spirit given ability to praise Him in the midst of difficulties and trials, it is about bringing Him glory and honor in all things!

"Are You Happy?"

"Are you happy?" This question was just asked of me the other day. I had to stop and really think about that before I answered, and come to think of it I never really did answer the question! It did provoke me to write this blog entry though.

Happiness seems to be the thing we search for in life. In counseling I will occasionally get a woman who tells me that she wants happiness from her life. She is upset that happiness eludes her as she goes about her daily tasks and she seeks my help in finding what she thinks she has lost.

Personally, I don't think happiness is to be found here. I do believe that God puts people and things in our lives for us to enjoy but not to make us happy. This is a sin-cursed world and the lover who makes us happy now is in the next minute is ticking us off or hurting us. That sort of happiness is totally conditional on our circumstances. When all goes as I think it should go then I am happy. But somehow, I don't think that is important to the Lord.

I have to say that I know He does not desire that we wander around with long faces and red eyes from crying but I seriously doubt God delights in our relentless pursuit of happiness here on earth.

This place is not our home. Earth and this life and all it contains are temporary. The writer of Hebrews makes that point clearly in Chapter 11 verses 13 and 16. We are aliens and strangers in this land. Our life does not truly begin until we are finished here. This world is for us preparation for the next world which will be without end.

I think that if more Christians had this attitude, if we really, really believed that we would not spend our days searching for happiness and contentment and fulfillment here. It took me a very long time to realize what I say here and I don't always live it either. I am as susceptible to falling into worldliness as anyone else. Reading one of my blogs from the end of last year and the beginning of this year is enough to convince anyone of that!

I want ease and happiness as much as the next gal, I just know that it is not to be found here except in fleeting moments. This life is about work and change. It is about hardship and heartache. This life is the Undergrad Program on the way to the most prestigious and coveted degree offered. We won't receive that until we stand in the presence of the risen Lord and He says to us, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

So, what do I spend my life doing then? What is the point? The point is we spend each day learning how to glorify God in the midst of work and change, trial and hardship and even heartache. If you believe in a sovereign God who orders and orchestrates all the events of our lives then you must also believe that He is in each of those things that come your way each day.

I am learning to find happiness in Him alone. Even when my circumstances are not to my liking, the call on my life has not changed one iota. Even when my heart is heavy and nothing is going my way I can rest in knowing it is marching along unimpeded God's way. I do think this is how Paul managed to rejoice in his circumstances. He stopped looking at them through his own eyes and achieved the ability to look at all of life through the eyes of the Almighty God. He could then see things beyond "self."

Re-reading his epistles as he awaited execution tells that story clearly! I wish I could have his eyes, but I am not at all crazy about what it would take to get there! I am wimpy and I like my creature comforts. Would I be willing to give them all up to have what Paul had? To have the ability to look at all my life issues through those heavenly eyes?....

This I am not at all totally sure of. I remain a work in progress.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Phil. 1:6

Engaging the Culture for Christ

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. 

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called. Eph. 3:14-4:1

Paul prays for the family of God in this chapter of Ephesians, He asks the Father to grant His children spiritual things so that we are able to walk in a manner worthy of our calling, that we are able to walk in a manner that is worthy of the name, "Christian."

Do you? Do I?

I do not intend this to be a rant of all sorts of things you "should be doing" as a Christian, there is already far too much of that going on. NO guilt trips, no encouraging you to stand with a sign, or hand out a tract, or march in a protest.

Instead, an encouragement to look inside and be honest with what you see there, lurking in the corners of your heart. Jesus said we act out of the contents of our heart (Matt. 15; Luke 6) and so when you look at what your life is made of it is clearly visible to others what is going on in there.

Are your thoughts worthy of the name "Christian?" Do you spend time each day at some point through some means and method renewing the content of your mind and reorienting it to what God's Word says, and to what would bring Him glory?

Are your words worthy of the name "Christian?" When you speak, are your words gracious and seasoned with salt? Do they provoke the hearer to godly thought or action or do they provoke anger in others?

Are your actions worthy of the Family Name? Do you represent the grace and love of Jesus Christ in your dealings with people? Do you bring them the gospel in an honest, true and gracious manner with your eyes fixed on the cross as well? 

I think this is where I will land this particular plane...if our intention is to show people how much they need Christ, do we show them Someone they will want to have as their own? While my theology says that God chose me (Eph.1) and that I responded because He chose me, I have no idea who else God has chosen! Paul and Peter didn't either so they represented Jesus Christ every where they went.

They engaged the culture for the cause of Christ, preaching the cross, displaying His grace, proclaiming the truth that Jesus fulfilled the Law and a new age has come into being through Him. They went and lived among them and showed them Christ. They met them where they were in their synagogues, pagan temples, and street corners and public squares.

They did not carry signs, or scream "Jesus loves you" or try and hand them anything. They did not tell them they were going to hell, or that God hated their lifestyle. They simply lived among them spoke the truth forcefully and in love, and revealed "Christ in you, the hope of glory" (Col 1:27). 

Paul and Peter were the greatest missionaries and evangelists the world has ever known. They changed the world forever through the teachings of Christ and they did it by being faithful to the continually changing context of the cultures they ministered to (1 Cor 9:19-23). They engaged the culture with discernment and never compromised the truth of the gospel.

Can we say the same?

Self-Discipline

Have you seen that television program about hoarding? I have only been able to stomach watching it a few times. My goodness, the people sent in to help these hoarders have found the remains of family pets buried under the many feet of stuff that folks have accumulated! The hoarders themselves say they can't bear to part with their junk, and they state they have no self-control over their purchases. ( I don't buy they last part, no pun intended!) 

While I don't actually know anyone who would be a candidate for a television show about hoarding, I know that many women struggle with aspects of self-discipline and building the same into their lives. They tell me they struggle with beginning tasks on time and seeing them through to the end. They struggle with deadlines, and details. More than a few women tell me they make piles of stuff that they will look at and sort out...later.  These are but a few of the areas of self- discipline today's women lack.

If you are looking to develop this important discipline in your life, I would like to offer some suggestions I found. They are of course not the total answer to a life that lacks self-discipline, but they are certainly practical things you can begin to put into your life on a daily basis.

Many women tell me they are simply overwhelmed by the task of cleaning a whole house in a day. Usually this is because they have too many piles of stuff, bursting closets, and baskets of laundry that need attention. I suggest you start small, with the goal of putting one room in order in the span of several days or a week, depending on how truly out of order it is.  Once you get that one room cleaned and organized make the goal to keep it that way. This means you will have to learn to put things away right away when you are finished with them.  Room by room, follow this pattern, cleaning and keeping clean and before you know it your home will be clean and ready for guests with only short notice.

Some women like to do the hardest job first. They choose the worst and messiest room to tackle because it gives them a sense of accomplishment and then the rest of the things to do are easy! Other women like the sense of immediate gratification they get when several rooms are cleaned or several easier chores are done before tackling those really big and tough things. Neither one is wrong, it is personal preference. The point is, just do it!

A huge issue these days is one of timeliness. It seems people think nothing of being late for all sorts of important events, including church, weddings, meals where they are the invited guests, and even work.  Being habitually tardy is a huge clue that you lack self-discipline. Being late is the result of poor planning, and/or indulging your desires. It is truly a heart issue! When you live "fashionably late" you are revealing that the idol of your heart is you. You are telling the world by your actions that you believe you are more important than anyone else, and that you are worthy of being waited for.

You can avoid habitual lateness from a practical perspective by planning how you will use your time. Use the electronic one on your phone or computer, or good old pencil and paper. Once you make a commitment to be somewhere, stick to it! Plan to be at least 5 minutes early to an event.  By the way, a lack of planning will cause you to live as though your life runs you rather than you running your life.

Learn to tell yourself "no." Especially learn to say "no" to the feelings that lead to self-indulgence and laziness. Deny yourself the extra 5 or 10 minutes in bed or in front of the television or at the mall when you know you have a time deadline. Deny yourself the extra brownie or scoop of ice cream if you have a weight issue. Learn to say "yes" to things you don't necessarily like, but you know are good for you like exercise, fruits and vegetables, healthy treats and so on. Mastering your body and making it obey is a good first step toward self-discipline.

Finally, be open to constructive criticism and correction. When someone offers you correction, welcome it and them into your life. These are those iron sharpening iron moments that you may come to cherish in time. Someone loves you and cares enough about you to want to help you to grow and change and become more like the Lord Jesus Christ.

Weeds in the Garden of My Heart

When I lived in Wisconsin I went through a phase where I liked to garden. I liked the types of flowers that came back every year and didn't require a lot of fussing around. I went out once each spring and removed the dead growth from the previous year, reloaded the wood chips and watched the flowers grow.

What I learned was that my minimal tending was not enough to keep weeds and grass from growing in my garden. I encountered a particularly tough weed year after year. The root on it was very long, and I am certain I never completely got to the bottom of it. I know this because even though I dug down very deep, and pulled and pulled until my back hurt and my hands were green and raw; just a few short days later the weed was back again. Worse yet, that weed soon was sprouting in other nearby places in the garden, usually among the flowers, the good stuff that I wanted to keep. I hesitated to whack away at the weeds that were among the flowers because I would destroy my beautiful garden if I really got serious about eliminating the weeds.

Sin is the same way! Sin is a fast growing obnoxious weed that will not contain itself to one place in your life, it will move in and take over almost before you realize it. It will grow among the good things in your heart and soon you will find it choking off the beautiful things in your life. Your ministry, your joy, your peace will all become overrun by the weeds of sin you entertain.

Obviously, you cannot go on this way. You must weed the garden, you must eliminate the sin. Getting rid of sin requires that you first admit that it is there. Pride and its companions self-justification and rationalization will want to keep you from this critical admission. It is so easy to bypass the admission and want to work on making yourself a better person.

Once you recognize you have it, you have to understand the importance of putting it to death. Then you must believe that you can have victory over it. 

The first step to victory is to set your heart on God and His glory. Pray for an undivided devotion to God and a desire to love Him more than you presently love yourself and your sinful habits.


"My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed." Psalm 57:7


Have you ever fixed your heart on anything before? I have! When I fixed my heart on a particular thing it consumed me, and I was determined to do anything to have what I wanted. That is the attitude you must develop in your heart toward God. You cannot conjure this attitude or desire up in your flesh or on your own, no way. This is a working of the Holy Spirit in your life! He will accomplish this as you seek to know Him through the Word of God and spend time in prayer. It comes as a result of refusing to tolerate sin in your life; in any area of your life. You cannot decide to tolerate sin this area or that one, there must be a total commitment to eradicate it from your life.

I know, I know...it sounds impossible and it feels like you are defeated before you even start but please believe you are not defeated or hopeless. The Person of the Holy Spirit is living within every believer and He is our helper- He is the Living God residing in your spirit. He is the weedkiller for sin.

The more you apply truth to your heart, the more you desire His working within you, the more you will begin to refuse to obey the sin. Your heart will become a fruitful fragrant home for the Lord your God and your life will be an offering of praise to His holy name!

I Don't Think I Trust Him Anymore

Recently while on a trip we met with some old friends who pastor a church. As we reconnected on life and family, my friend began to tell me a story of an incident that took place regarding a local pastor.

He had been accused of immorality by a woman in the church, something his wife knew he was not guilty of. It seems a woman he had "friended" on Facebook had been watching his daily activities from his postings and had concocted a relationship with him in fantasy-land. She sent a detailed letter to the Elders of the church and to his wife outlining their "affair." It included times and places and activities the two had supposedly partaken in.

The woman knew her husband was innocent of the charges, and after investigation the pastor was indeed cleared and the accuser was exposed to be a liar. This was of course all good news!

However, the problem was not resolved in the mind of the pastor's wife. As much as she knew her husband was innocent, her mind began to play tricks on her.

There had been enough truth in the letter regarding her husband's whereabouts to cause a small seed of doubt to form in her mind about his fidelity. She often found herself wondering if it could possibly be true that her husband had really met up with this woman as she claimed, and was it possible that he was just a really convincing liar? She was no longer sure she trusted him.

These thoughts began to take a toll on their relationship as the wife started to pull away emotionally from her husband and refuse his advances and affections. She found herself angry at him and suspicious of him. She questioned him weekly about the accusations he had been cleared of, searching to prove he was guilty. She said she could not help thinking these things, and believed she was powerless over her thought life. In the end, it destroyed their marriage of 30 years.

You may think this whole scenario is crazy, but I assure you, the mind is a very powerful thing. We are capable of convincing ourselves of just about anything we desire to believe.

My old pastor used to speak of women being beguiled. This means to come to the wrong conclusion without all the facts. In the case of the wrongly accused pastor and his wife, that is what happened to her. She came to all sorts of wrong conclusions about her husband, and doubted his many years of faithful love toward her. She convinced herself that there was enough truth in the allegations that she had a reason to be angry and suspicious of him and no amount of truth-telling would convince her otherwise!

While the stories are different, the heart of man is the same world-wide. Our hearts are deceitful and wicked (Jer 17:9) and if we give full reign to the feelings and emotions that live there, we will ruin our lives.

For example, how many Christian's get divorced because they say the feelings of love are not what they used to be? How many equate feelings of sadness with being "sick" or having some sort of depressive disorder? How many people make lifer altering decisions based on the fuzziness of "following your heart?" I have had women tell me they have decided to divorce and run off with their lover because they prayed about it and "have peace in their heart."

There is no doubt that our thoughts direct the course of our lives. What we think determines our emotional mood and leads us to have various feelings. Your thoughts are a critical component to the direction your life will ultimately take. Be cautious about where your thoughts go and what you meditate upon.

Self-Gratification- Gift or Sin? Part 2

Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.  Romans 13:13-14 (NASB)

I finished up yesterday's post with a couple of links to some previous postings about the critical nature of the heart in change of life. Self-gratification is a habit, a comfort, a release, a choice, and a decision.  When a woman engages in this behavior it is she is deciding to indulge the lusts of the flesh. She wants to feel good, and sometimes she just wants to feel something.

I will repeat what I said yesterday, that there is nothing in Scripture that specifically prohibits masturbation by name. That does not make it permissible or advisable to participate in this behavior. In putting together the numerous passages that command us to avoid fleshly lusts, make no provision for the flesh, honor God with our bodies, and avoid sexual immorality a person who is thinking biblically must conclude that self-gratification is a behavior that does not bring glory to God.

I believe the only way to truly overcome this sin is to be broken over it. The feelings that accompany sexual release are so pleasurable and even addicting, that unless the heart is reached and aches because of it there will be sporadic periods of success but not an overcoming of it as a lifestyle. 

Our goal in biblical counseling is to help a person meet the challenges of life by means of biblical heart change.

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:1-2

You have to understand that self-sex is not glorifying to God, and then you have to decide if glorifying God is more important to you than feeling good, and indulging your sinful desires.

I do not believe self-gratification is a gift for the single person, I believe that it is a sin that entangles and drags a person down into deeper sin both in thought and action. 

For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification.     1 Thessalonians 4:3-7 (NASB)

I have seen the effects of this sin in the lives of the women I counsel. They are guilt ridden because they know in their heart that what they are doing is wrong. They are ashamed of their behavior and tell me they seem to be powerless to stop. While the latter part is not true because we have been enabled not to sin because of Christ in us, the feelings are so strong that we believe we cannot stand against them. The truth is you can refuse to obey the lusts of the flesh and decide to glorify God instead.

Self-Gratification- Gift or Sin?

This issue has been a long time in coming to the blog. I undertake it with some fear and trepidation because of the sensitivity of the topic in such a public forum. However, because this topic holds such power over so many women I will enter into this arena for your benefit and for the glory of God.

A few things for you to know: Self-gratification (masturbation, self-stimulation, self-sex) has become a literal epidemic among women, including Christian women.  I have counseled many, many women who are struggling with this issue and they have no idea where to turn for information or help.  They believe it is sinful and are burdened with guilt and shame.  These women are fearful of being discovered and their secret being uncovered. They are afraid of being judged.

As with every topic we look at on this blog, we have to go to the Scriptures to see what God's Word says about the issue. What we will quickly learn is there is no direct reference or prohibition to masturbation in Scripture. There are certainly direct commands to avoid types of sexual behavior such as adultery (Ex. 20:14), bestiality (Lev. 18:23 , homosexuality (1 Cor. 6:9), fornication (Eph. 5:3), orgies (Rom. 13:13; Gal. 5:21) and the like, but nothing that directly tells a person not to participate in self-gratifying sexual conduct. There is nothing telling a person to do it either.

Now before you think there is a green light to go forward with the behavior, let me clearly state I am not saying that. My task is to present what the Word of God says about this topic and I must be true to the text. I cannot say the Bible says something that it does not say. What is required is that we look further at what Scripture says about sexual immorality to determine if despite masturbation not being specifically mentioned, it is included in some other aspect of that group of sins.

Most people who engage in this practice achieve a state of arousal by viewing or reading pornography, either hard-core or suggestive enough to bring arousal to the forefront of the mind. Because the mind is so effective at storing information, many times a person can recall something they viewed or read previously to meditate or play over in their thoughts at any time. If you want to engage in self-gratification you find this helpful, those who want to overcome this behavior find it a curse.

I think we all would agree that the consumption of pornography of any kind is sinful. It is at the least voyeurism and at the most adultery. Pornography both creates and feeds sinful lusts in the flesh, something Scripture commands us to abandon.

For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. 1 Peter 4:3 (NIV)

Debauchery (extreme indulgence in immorality) will be the inevitable result of pornography. While many claim to be able to "moderate" with pornography, statistically people gravitate toward more and more forbidden behaviors as they view it. This in my opinion is one evidence that our flesh grows more corrupt (Eph. 4:22) the more it is fed.

Secondly, Scripture is also clear on our obligation to put to death the desires of the flesh.

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality (pornea- unlawful lust), impurity (physical or moral uncleanliness), lust (suffering a passionate lust), evil desires (a longing for forbidden desire) and greed (covetous practices), which is idolatry. Colossians 3:5 (NIV)

The question before us then is, is masturbation a form of sexual immorality? Based on the above Scripture, I would say it is. Self-sexual stimulation stirs up an unlawful lust and leads to forbidden desires and passions that cannot be righteously satisfied.

It becomes idolatry when satisfying those desires is more important than glorifying God.

A common complaint from women is with respect to what to do with "illegitimate" arousal. This is arousal that is a result of prior sexual contact and having that person or practice removed from your life. This can take place in the life of a widow, a divorced woman, one who is no longer living with a man, or someone who wants to break free from the old habits of self-gratification. Those desires are still there and are used to being satisfied. In the case of a widow or divorcee sexual satisfaction was a part of normal life, and is now history.

I believe the admonition to put to death the desires of the flesh applies to all forms of desire that cannot be righteously satisfied within the bounds of a marital relationship. Widows are encouraged to remarry rather than burn with passion (1 Corinthians 7:8-9). I believe that women who are divorced having been abandoned or who have been given clearance by their churches to remarry in the Lord would also fall into that category. As for the rest, Scripture commands them to put to death the desires of the flesh.

If we are commanded to put something to death, that sounds very final to me. To put it to death means to snuff the life out of it, to kill it off, to cut off the flow of its life blood. In the case of sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires that would mean to stop doing anything that keeps those things alive. Those who struggle with any kind of sexual immorality have to evaluate their daily activities to determine what must be put to death to keep them from entering into sexual immorality.

For each person the trap is different, so I won't list them. The origin of it all is the same for this sin as for any other- the heart. (You can check out both of these links http://bc4women.blogspot.com/2009/07/workings-of-inner-man.html

More tomorrow on this important topic!

Why Take Medication?

In the 1970’s there was a very sappy song entitled “Feelings” sung by some sappy guy who moaned his way through his song while he was trying to forget his feelings of love.  Our society has become almost completely feeling oriented and I think this is very bad. Many of you who read this blog with any regularity have heard me say that it seems that we have lost the ability to think, and reason.  I find it so rare when someone is willing to risk sticking their neck out for a belief or a thought. Feelings are sacred ground, especially for women. I can say that, I am one of you.

The number one reason people take medication of any kind is to feel better.  Whether it be an aspirin for a headache or Neurontin for nerve pain, the goal is to eliminate the pain and suffering they are dealing with.  Every day on your tv box you are presented with at least a dozen different kinds of commercials showing you hurting people.

Each of these ads contribute to the daily mantra of you must feel good, you must not be unhappy. It is known as better living through chemistry.  Most of the medication peddlers tell you that you have a disorder or an emotional illness. I hear the announcer saying things like, "Depression is a serious medical condition." While feelings of depression can certainly lead to physical problems due to how a person deals with their feelings, there is currently no research to objectively prove their claim. I think the classifications of some of those “disorders” and “mental illnesses” may be a little iffy because there is really no organ to define as being “sick.”  There is no virus, or bacteria, there is no genetic history, there are no disease qualifiers.

How do we know? Well, here is the definition of a disease. “A pathological condition of a part, organ, or system of an organism resulting from various causes, such as infection, genetic defect, or environmental stress, and characterized by an identifiable group of signs or symptoms.”

A disease is pathological and affects organs and or systems.  Disorders and problems with various behaviors are not on the same medical platform as true diseases.  Yet, many of these disorders are being elevated to that very state without any proof of organic decomposition.  A person simply feels bad and sometimes taking these pills make a person feel better for a while. Have you ever asked if they know how these meds actually work?

In addition to knowing how these meds work, we also have to think about how do you know you need them?  If you are treating a medical problem, you have to know what the problem is you are treating, right?  What proof or organic decomposition is there? In a clear majority of cases there is no organic disorder, nothing to prove that the feelings a person is having are the result of a physical problem. 

And here is another good question: since most of the things being treated are not physical, they are mental which is not a brain disorder, nor are they a disease, exactly what are we doing with these pills? I would contend that we are medicating emotions.

What is the reasoning behind medicating emotions? There are a few good reasons to do so on a short term basis, but these are rare and extreme. Such as when a person is so crippled by their emotions that they appear to be non-functional. They are not sleeping or eating or practicing any kind of hygiene.  We have to help this person to a place of at least being functional so we can deal with the underlying issues.

A person so severely depressed that they are catatonic is not going to communicate with a therapist or a counselor of any kind. Medication is helpful in the short term in such a case.

If a person has a terminal illness, or a chronic illness, medication for no other reason than to make their last days more bearable may be beneficial to enable them to enjoy what is left of their life. Their time here on earth is short and perhaps taking these medications will enable them to conclude the last business of life in a controlled manner. 

However, most times these medications are prescribed to otherwise healthy people because they are feeling bad, or sad, or because of a traumatic event in life that they felt they could not cope with alone. 

People do many things to medicate their emotions. The person who drinks or uses drugs for the purposes of escape, the teen that cuts or self-mutilates in other ways does it as a way to medicate emotions. They are trying to create a temporary relief of stress and create happy or euphoric feelings they lack. There may be a desire to relieve guilt or shame from activities that violate the conscience. 

The biblical solution to these kinds of issues is to deal with the real problem, such as unconfessed sin, dealing with guilt and shame, clearing the conscience, learning to trust God, to turn away from sin and unrighteousness and to begin to live in a way that brings God glory. 

It has been my experience that when people learn how to deal with the issues of the heart that the feelings that follow are vastly different than the ones that lead a person to feel depressed or guilty or fearful. It is when we begin to fulfill our God-given purpose on this earth that we find peace and contentment in our souls. None of this comes from a bottle or pharmacy, it comes straight from the Word of God.

Building Up in Speech

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:15 (NIV)

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

Make it your goal even in conflict to use “edifying” communication that encourages and builds others up.  These are words that give “grace” (the desire, ability to do God’s will) to those who hear. They are other oriented, aimed at solving problems, not to win an argument.  These are words that are timely and are spoken according to the need of the moment. They are centered on the issue at hand not yesterday’s conflict or one from 1 year ago or more.

Edifying communication has the goal of solving the problem- today’s problem - and not attacking the person you are in conflict with.

As you are speaking you must examine your own heart and do an examination for the sin logs you have contributed to the whole problem. This keeps you humble and keeps you from blameshifting your sin responsibility onto the other person. It also keeps your focus on solving the problem at hand and doing so in a loving manner.

Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. Colossians 4:6

It is true that some people are impossible to have a civil and decent conversation with. They refuse to operate under biblical principles and prefer to strike out and hurt in the midst of an argument. Regardless of the sin of the other person involved, you are obligated before the Lord to respond in a righteous manner. Don’t let their sin be your guide, stand up for what is honoring and glorifying to God.

What I am saying is don’t react in anger, especially if a person points out some way you have sinned against them. The natural tendency of our Gen. 3 nature is to be defensive about dealing with our own sins.  We like to “help” other people see their sin issues, but prefer to not look at our own. When you are confronted by someone who has your best interests at heart, how do you respond? Are you defensive or humbled?

The truth is, despite how you feel you are commanded to put on communication that “acts” correctly regardless of what others have done [or might have done]. You can not excuse your bad behavior because of someone else’s bad behavior- that is called blameshifing

Instead you are to respond in these ways: be kind: benevolent, helpful, courteous, of good heartedness, compassionate, sympathetic, and forgiving- be willing to give up your right to or claim to revenge, hold a grudge or get even.

You, through God’s Spirit, must learn to be kind, tenderhearted and forgiving.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)