Dear Reader, This post contains discussion about sexuality. My intention is to address the ever-growing number of questions I receive about issues women are afraid to ask their Pastor's wife, their Bible Study Leader, or their best friend. Please understand I am in no way glorifying any aspect of sexual immorality.
I heard my whole life that women don’t enjoy looking at bodies the way men do, and it is true that most women are stimulated more by mind and imagination. Yet women are being seduced into the world of pornography.
It is true that some couples view it together as foreplay. Others use it to spice up their sex lives when things get “boring” after a number of years. This is not okay.
As you might guess, self-gratification (masturbation) almost always accompanies viewing of pornography. Often the rationalization is that they are married and actually having sex with each other. However, this behavior is still sinful and perverts what God intends for the sexual relationship in marriage.
Some women confess to independently viewing pornography, and enjoying it. This may shock you because it is not well known like it is with men. Women and porn is a relatively new phenomenon. A female porn addict is still considered rare. But they are out there! The woman who looks at porn often places herself in the role of the women in the pictures or movies, being daring and bold. She is able to act out her fantasies and do things she would never dare dream of doing in real life. Although, statistics say that women who view porn are more likely to act out the behaviors they see in those movies. They cite having multiple partners, casual sex, or affairs.
The statistics for women and porn are growing rapidly.
- 9.4 million women access adult web sites each month
- 17% of all women struggle with porn addiction
- 70% of women keep porn viewing a secret
- 1 in 3 visitors to all adult web sites are women
(These are from 2006 and I have no illusions that the numbers are any better.)
Porn does not have to be hard core or internet download- you can find it on your television every day between 9-3 in the form of a soap opera. Soaps have become soft core porn and many women are very addicted to them.
You can also find porn on the cable stations that are geared for women, like Lifetime and WE. It is certainly not graphic, but it is again, soft core.
If you read romance novels, you are reading soft core porn. I picked a book off the shelf in the library and as I paged through it, it was very clear that it was pornography!
Your teenage sons and daughters see lots and lots of porn if they are watching MTV, VH1, or any of those reality shows that feature a group of men or women trying to “win” a person. These programs are the lowest of the low and focus on the voyeuristic desires many people have.
The spiritual results of viewing pornography are immediate and negative. They destroy the image and picture of what God intends for this intimate act. Nothing about pornography is righteous. It is revealing perversions of mind and body that are the result of a heart that is not set upon glorifying God, but is set upon feeding the sinful lusts of the flesh.
Acting out sexually brings physical pain as well. In some cases the body is used in a manner God never designed it for causing damage to tender tissues and organs. Sinful lust is never satisfied and the levels of perversion will only increase over time. You may have heard of the death of several Hollywood celebrities who have died attempting "heightened sexual arousal" via strangulation.This may strike you as being just nuts, but it also reveals the reality that sin always takes you further than you ever wanted to go.
A woman who has viewed pornography may feel violated, both physically and emotionally. Women cry to me that they never thought it would take away their desire for their husband and a natural physical relationship with him. They often say they feel dirty and can't get those images out of their minds during intimate times with their husband. It is worse when her husband begins to only want what they viewed in the movies.
The emotional pain is sometimes worse than the physical pain as a woman relives sexually immoral events over and over. She may have guilt at what she consented to do, shame at her behavior, fear of being exposed, or catching a disease. She may experience anxiety that can lead to physical illness. These can lead a woman to use or abuse drugs or alcohol to relieve the symptoms, dragging her deeper into the pit of perversion.
It is hard to believe I am speaking of Christian women here, but I am. Sadly, I am.