Many single people are very self-sufficient and take care of themselves very well. This is out of necessity as they have to provide financially for themselves, take care of their own health needs, housing needs, and transportation needs. There is no one else to rely on or to give direct support to them in most cases. They tend to be driven personality types and successful in their chosen job or career. This is a blessing as well as becoming a curse because where there is self-sufficiency there is no need for God.
Think of what the term “self-sufficiency” means. It means I am complete in myself, I can handle everything myself, I am in control of my own life and destiny. For a Christian, those thoughts and beliefs are deadly because they reek of a haughty, prideful heart. I don’t know anyone who would seek after self-sufficiency with this understanding, yet there are plenty who function this way.
There is a great temptation to be self-sufficient because, after all, if you don’t take care of things yourself, who will? We find the answer to that in God’s Word. If this is a struggle for you, you must be reminded of who you are.
You must remember that you are God’s workmanship (Eph. 2:10) and that as your life story unfolds you are not meant to “go it alone.” God is fashioning you into His image and likeness and this requires you depend on Him to take care of you and the things in your life. Of course, it doesn’t mean you sit at home and wait for the money to roll in the door or the bathroom drain to magically be unplugged. It does mean that even though you may be gifted to perform at your job or even to unclog a drain; you must recognize that your abilities, hope, and help come from God.
The things you struggle with are areas in which God may be humbling you, reminding you that you are not all sufficient, and are incomplete without Him (Col 2:10).
Another part of His workmanship is smoothing off or even amputating the rough spots in your character. He does this through unique trials that are fashioned specifically for you. As a single person, it is simply easier to develop sinful patterns of thought and behavior because many live alone and are not challenged constantly by others who would hold them accountable for sinful thoughts, beliefs, and desires that lead to sinful actions in their lives. (Even if you have a roommate there is still a different sort of intimacy or closeness than when two people are married. There is not the “oneness” in a friendship that you have in a marriage.) God allows the trials you have into your life and uses them as a tool to break down the pride of self-sufficiency and to remind you that no one can exist alone. Despite how you may feel, you need the church and her members to help you in sanctification (Col 1:28; Jas. 1:4).
If you have been standoffish in your church, or holding yourself back from connecting with other people, I urge you to change that pattern this very week. The next time there is a gathering, go and show yourself to be friendly and open. Remember, God created you with a genuine need for other Christians. Listen to Him.