The "Solutions" for Fear, Worry, and Anxiety

The world has its own way of dealing with worry. Here are some suggestions I found in various places: 

One useful way is to set aside a "worry time". This is time specifically set aside when you will do nothing but think about whatever the issue is. When you are tempted to worry, you tell yourself that you will tell yourself that this is something you will deal with it in your “worry time” and then give yourself permission to do so.  

• Use “emotion-focused”, rather than “problem-focused” coping techniques.
• Practice “mindfulness". From very old Eastern meditative traditions. One of the main points of mindfulness is that one tries to pay attention to the present moment.
• Don’t worry at night about not being able to sleep! It is best to remind yourself to worry only during your “worry time” and to use bedtime as your time for relaxation and recuperation 
• Make sure you remind yourself of your “worry time” and enjoy your “non-worry time”, paying attention to the present moment as much as possible

Overcoming anxiety is done this way according to this “expert”

• Lack of control over your thoughts strengthens your anxiety. As negative thoughts get stronger and stronger, your anxiety gets stronger. You need to learn to control your thoughts.
• Start the day with several minutes of positive affirmations
• Be busy, do something. By doing something you keep your mind off your anxiety
• Exercise
• Find reasons to laugh.
• Use positive words in your conversation and in your inner talk
• Affirm and visualize positive situations and events. Visualize a happy and positive solution to your problems.

Too often, the answers put forth by Christians are no better than those of the world.  The Christianized versions of treatment are not that much different than their secular counterparts. 

In numerous Christian self help books, readers are told to think godly thoughts, clear their consciences, and trust God. They are told to share their feelings and fears, get an accountability partner, a prayer partner and recite Bible verses. 

There is the inescapable connection to increasing your self-esteem, being empowered and confident, as well as the line of thought that says Satan is attacking me, and that is why I feel this way.  

Unfortunately, much of what "Christian counseling" offers is no different than what the secular folks do, including the use of medications and various holistic cures. 

Christians tend to substitute the vitamin routine and herbs for the prescribed medications because it makes them feel less guilty about taking a pill to deal with fear, worry and anxiety. 

Dr. Ed Hinson wrote a book titled, Overcoming Life’s Toughest Problems and in it he says, "Worry is anxiety over circumstances beyond our control. Worry is based on the fear that God is not control of our lives. It is a self-inflicted panic that is the opposite of confidence in God."

 

There is a difference between thinking for problem solving  and worrying. Problem solving involves looking at the situation in a factual way and creating various scenarios to  bring about a resolution. 

Worry is different. It usually involves “what if” and “if only” thoughts. Worry is ruminating, meditating on the problem without being focused on a solution. Worry is also a preoccupation with past events and bad events. A worrier finds themselves  thinking about past events that were depressing or anxiety-provoking.They also tend to think about all kinds of future events that might happen and which would make them feel badly if they did.

Those of you who struggle with worry, doesn’t it seem like at times, for no obvious reason, you just can't stop thinking about negative or worry-some things? Each time you do think about them, you body reacts just as if the event were actually happening or about to happen. The more you think about this thing happening, the worse you feel. The amazing thing about such a set up is that the event is not actually happening right now. It exists only in your mind. How you feel in those moments is being influenced by something that no longer exists or does not yet exist. 

Most of the time, if such thoughts come to mind, you can recognize that those events are not happening and can readily dismiss them. Other times, however, you find that you cannot ignore such thoughts; they continue to return to your awareness, and you just cannot stop them.

Worry is the fear that seemingly adverse events will occur in the future.  It is also based on “what if?”

These thoughts blur your thinking and remove your peace of mind because worry controls your mind.

Worrying is a waste of energy because often times, we worry for nothing, because events do not transpire or take place as we fear. 

Worry indicates a lack of understanding of God’s sovereignty. If we have faith and trust in a God who is faithful and has all events in His hand then why worry? It says to us we do not truly believe God will work out all things for our good.

The Unbiblical Treatment of Fear, Worry, and Anxiety

Today we are going to continue our look at fear, worry and anxiety. However, this time we will examine the unbiblical ways to deal with these issues. 

From the world’s perspective these are psychological issues and must be treated by a professional therapist or psychiatrist. Their way to deal with these issues is by medication and therapy. 

All psychological treatment for these issues is man-centered.  It focuses on figuring out a way that you can gain control over some aspect your life. The idea is that since you cant control the big things, you must develop something that you can control to increase your sense of well being.  

Freud believed and today’s Freudian therapists believe that man is driven (controlled by instincts-developed by evolution) fight or flight- survival of the fittest, seek food and gratification -just trying to satisfy my instincts!

The counselor is to search for what “caused” the problem in the counselee’s past.

What guys like Freud, Skinner, and Rogers have in common is that their understanding and approach to fixing the problem is humanistic. 

Many therapists use a combination of cognitive and behavior therapies in therapeutic treatment. They focus on identifying, understanding, and modifying thinking and problematic behavior patterns. Their goal is to change unwanted and disturbing thought patterns. The individual examines his or her feelings and learns to separate realistic from unrealistic thoughts. This sounds pretty good, right?

The problem is that all of the common methods prescribed by today’s therapists and psychologists are based on the humanistic and godless foundations. While their methods might be pragmatic, there is nothing godly about any of them. Should we use it just because it seems to work?

With this in mind, if you were to go for therapy because you struggle with fear, your therapist might suggest you take the time to identify your fears on paper, and then make a plan with some small steps you can take to gradually lessen your discomfort about the situation. 

Your plan might include things like:  

• Replace your negative thoughts - because they create negative feelings – with clear, positive thoughts about things. 
• Write down all the wonderful ways you can come up with how making these changes will improve your life.
• If you fear failure or rejection, learn to not think of it as something incredibly negative that might end your life if it happens. Redefine it in your mind to lessen the negative emotional impact and the fear. See failure simply as feedback on what you need to improve on. Listen to the advice the failure gives you and you will improve.
• If you fear what other may think about you if you fail, try to understand why validation from others is so important to you, and then learn to not let it matter to you.
• Determine to keep yourself steadily in the now. Don’t let your thoughts and emotions run away to the future or the past.  

(Here is my favorite) 

• Accept your feelings of fear. Don’t try to fight it or to keep it out (like many of us have learned throughout life). Say yes to it.  Surrender and let it in.
• Observe the feeling in your mind and body without labeling or judging it.
• Be prepared and willing to redefine yourself. *

We are in a building phase in this series, and tomorrow we will look at the world's way of dealing with worry. 

*http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2007/02/22/5-life-changing-keys-to-overcoming-your-fear/

The Gospel and Fear, Worry and Anxiety

Today's post is by my guest blogger, Pastor Bruce Roeder. Bruce and I worked together for many years in our counseling center in Wisconsin. Bruce has written a wonderful booklet on the subject of fear, worry, and anxiety that is available at www.r-g-c-c.org. If you are interested in an excellent treatment of this topic I highly recommend picking that little booklet up.

These are just a few of the labels the DSM-IV[1] uses to describe fear, worry and anxiety:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, Social Phobia, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Sexual Aversion Disorder, Sleep Terror Disorder, Avoidant Personality, Persecutory Delusions, Panic Disorder, Paranoid Schizophrenia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Nightmare Disorder, Paranoid Disorder, Separation Anxiety Disorder.

Ed Welch and Susan Lutz authors of a book on fear, worry and anxiety titled Running Scared[2] quotes Stephen King in an opening chapter.

“I like to scare people and people like to be scared.” Stephen King

It may seem odd but there is truth in Stephen King's words. On one hand we've taken our fears, worries and anxieties and defined them as disorders or diseases that we see doctors for. The doctors treat the fears, worries and anxieties as sicknesses and issue drugs to cure the fears, worries and anxieties.

Welch goes on to say that one in ten Americans suffer from one of the labels mentioned.

So it seems that Stephen King could not be more wrong and we really don't like to be scared given how many of us seek treatment.

On the other hand scary novels and scary movies are extremely popular. Stephen King's books total over 100 million in print. So maybe he's right after all, Americans like to be scared.

The third possibility is that sometimes we like to experience the emotion of fear and at other times we do not.

Emotions in and of themselves are neither good or bad. They can be positive or they can be negative and at times even a negative emotion like fear can be a positive in certain circumstances like reading a Stephen King novel.

Whether positive or negative, fear is a powerful emotion. It's one of the most powerful emotions God placed within man. In the normal sense of the term, fear is just fine because it warns us of potential danger. On the other hand fear can be irrational and not have much connection with reality. What we are afraid of often times determines how we respond.

For example...

A few years ago our counseling ministry went to Colorado for a conference speaking engagement. The four us took a side trip to the Rocky Mountains. Wisconsinites like us are basically flat landers so going to the mountains was a big deal and a rare experience. How the four of us reacted to the experience is an interesting study in fear, worry and anxiety.

As you make your way on the highway up the mountain you come very close to the edge of the road and then a sheer drop off that is not protected by side rails. As we went up the mountain two us were exhilarated by the “near death” experience and loved the feeling of looking down 12,000 feet from a car driving on the edge of the road.

The other two responded to the experience not so quite exhilarated! In fact, when the car came close to the edge and you could see down 12,000 feet these two leaned the other way as if that would keep the car toward the center line! Same experience, two very different reactions.

We make judgments as to what scares us or worries us. We assess the situation in the blinking of an eye and our emotional response is the result of the judgment. Two of us could not have been more thrilled and the other two wished they were somewhere else.

The two who wished they were somewhere else experienced anxiety. Anxiety is fear on steroids. It is based on “what if.” 

Anxiety is often the result of wrong thinking. We get an anxious thought, and begin to ruminate on it, meditate on that thought. As we roll it over and over in our minds it becomes more real and more probable that it will come to pass. We begin to tell ourselves it will become reality when we have little to no factual reason to think so. (after all, if people drove their cars off the mountain there would be rails, right?)

This causes our heart rate to rise, palms to sweat, breathing to become rapid. By our thoughts, we have manipulated our bodies into responding as though we are in trouble.

It if it gets serious enough the two who did not enjoy the mountain experience  will experience an escalating condition that could lead them into cowering in the bottom of the car rather than look outside.

You might be thinking well, lots of normal people might be uneasy going up on the mountain and driving close to the edge of a cliff but what about people who seem fearful, worried and full of anxiety who are not experiencing an immediate threat of any sort?

The answer to that goes back to what scares us when we don't wish to be scared. For example, your baby is sick and the doctors are not sure just exactly what is wrong. Or, your fifteen-year-old is acting “funny” staying out late, grades are declining and you are not thrilled with whom he is hanging with.

Isn't this normal worry you may ask?

Worry is related to fear because the person is fearful that something will occur in the future. Like anxiety its based on “what if” this or that happens.

Whatever we attach value to and that something is threatened that's what creates fear, worry and anxiety. In the mountain story two people feared they could lose their lives. The mother feared for her baby and the father feared for his son and perhaps feared for the family reputation as well. While these fears are normal and God given they become dangerous when they control us.

Not surprisingly there is a divine perspective on fear, worry and anxiety and it's found in Matthews gospel.

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷ And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life. ²⁸ And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, ²⁹ yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰ But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹ Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

³⁴ “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matt. 6:25-34, ESV

---

[1]    The DSM-IV is used by psychiatrists and psychologists to assess disorders by describing symptoms. It's been referred to as the bible of psychiatry.

[2]    Welch, Ed and Lutz, Susan, Running Scared, New Growth Press, 2007

Food and Self-Control

I recently had a physical examination for some medical problems I was having. While in the doctors office, I commented to her about my suddenly expanding body. It seems I am "growing" in all directions except up! Despite my (relatively) sensible diet I am still appearing to gain weight. The doctor kindly told me that it is the stage of life I am in and that if I wish to maintain where I am now I will have to exercise 1 hour per day. Horrified, I thought to myself that if I want to lose any part of the weight I have gained I will have to exercise two hours per day! My next thoughts were about giving up eating altogether and wondering about the possibility of running the 70 miles to and from work each day...

I have no problem admitting that I got the "fat genes" in the family. Weight has been something I have struggled with off and on all my life. The problem is very simple- I love food. Worse yet, I love bad food, food that may not even be real food! I would prefer to eat cookies, chips, salsa, frosting, cake, brownies and every other forbidden delicious yummy treat there is rather than other food (which I also love.)

I didn't always operate this way. There was once a point in my life that I simply stopped eating. I ate nothing but popcorn and diet soda for about 6 weeks and lost approximately 45 pounds. It was during a very sorrowful and distressing time in my personal life and that was the ungodly way I chose to deal with those issues. From there I went into what is known as eating disorder behavior, alternately binging huge amounts of food and then purging the food from my stomach. It was all about looking good, having it all, and having no consequences for my sinful behavior.

I wish I could say that these were isolated behaviors in my life, confined to just that span of time but that would be a lie. For as long as I could remember back to being a kid I wanted to overindulge in snack foods and things that tasted good. I went through stints as a chubby girl, a less-than-chubby girl, a slender girl, and a rightly proportioned girl too.

As a woman who is commanded in the Scriptures to train up the younger women (Titus 2:5), over the past 20 years I have had to learn to understand and practice self-control in my food intake and choices.  Self-control is defined as being prudent, circumspect, and temperate. It means to have sound judgment, common sense, and right priorities.  What I consistently fight against is my own sinful heart's desire to have its own way.

"...but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed." James 1:14

The heart of a woman enslaved to the worship of food is revealing the idol of "self" as being more important than the worship of God is in her heart.  We can recognize this as our reality when our desire to indulge ourselves in getting or having what we want seems to take over. Our desires control us instead of us controlling our desires.

"We make it our aim to please him." 2 Cor. 5:9

Do you find self-control issues surfacing over and over in your life?

Is your aim to glorify Him in how and what you eat? Does your treatment of your body reveal that your goal is to please the Lord?  If not, the changes have to begin in your heart as you confess your sin to Him. Ask Him to search you and reveal to you the idolatry that lurks within. Then begin to deal with these issues in truth and honesty instead of self-deception.

Peacemaking Women- Leaving a Legacy

From time to time we are all called on to be peacemakers. You may be asked to settle a dispute between others or you may be involved in a broken relationship with someone and have to be a peacemaker in your own situation.

Ken Sande's book The Peacemaker is a wonderful tool for those who want to take the command of Jesus serious when it comes to reconciling relationships. You will find his principles for peacemaking here, applied to real situations where they have been applied.

Sande says that the first thing that is necessary is a desire to Glorify God. We must determine if our number one goal and desire in the conflict is to glorify God, and it has to mean more to us than being right, being vindicated, being apologized to, or taking revenge. So often it seems that the latter are the goal in a conflict between Christians. No wonder some say it is hard to tell us apart from the world!

1 Cor. 10:21 tells us that we are to glorify God all things, even those common things like eating and drinking! If Paul thought to mention such base actions like the intake of food and beverage as actions that must glorify God then it stands to reason that our other actions must carry a heavier weight in His eyes.

In conflict it is easy to be carried away by the emotions and desires that are fed by the thoughts and beliefs that originate in our hearts. Especially when we are feeling hurt and betrayed. It is so important that we keep our thoughts focused on how we can respond righteously in spite of how we feel!

This is most difficult then we have been betrayed, attacked, misunderstood or attacked. There have been times I have been falsely accused of something by a person within the church. The hardest part for me is to hold the line of righteousness, and I confess that I have not always done that very well. The point I wish to make is that my failure to respond righteously was not due to inadequacy in the Holy Spirit and His power in my life, because He has enabled me to glorify God even in the midst of wrongful and hurtful accusations.

I must also examine my own heart to determine if the accusations have any merit.

"You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. Matthew 7:5

The most difficult aspect of Peacemaking is in examining your own heart, and asking God to do the same. To be willingly vulnerable before God and ask Him to examine your heart is a brave and terrifying prospect! However it is necessary when you are a part of a conflict.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way. Psalm 139:23-24 (NASB)

Before you can point to the faults of the person you are in conflict with, you have to clean out the logs in your own eye/heart. What sin have you brought into the situation? What have you said or done that has contributed to the issue at hand?

In conflict I am more likely to focus on my "opponent" and their wrongs and sins than I am willing to look at my own heart. Sadly, for many people this becomes a way of life and over time they come to believe the lies of their heart. They become blinded and unable to see things as they really are.

Their personal righteousness becomes an idol to be worshiped and the mere thought or suggestion that they could have any culpability in the conflict brings rage and disbelief. The closest this person will come to any admission of guilt or logs in their own eye is to say things like, "Everyone sins, everyone is guilty" without admitting personal failure and sin. When a person gets to this point their sight is distorted and they may be blinded to the truth and reality.

None of us want to find ourselves described in the above paragraph! We run from idolatry and self-deception as women of God, or we ought to! Each of us is completely responsible before our Lord to open the eyes of our hearts through the truth of the Word of God and the ministry of the Holy Spirit. We are to willingly lay our hearts bare before Him and rejoice as He brings His cleansing through our thoughts, beliefs, and desires. He is so faithful to make clear to us our own sin that we might confess and repent of it as an act of loving obedience to Him.

In examining ourselves for logs in our own eye we may experience the pain of realizing the depths of our own sinfulness in the situation. We tend to like to minimize this because it is easier for us to point at the sticks and specks in the eyes of the other person. We are uncomfortable with our weakness and our pride takes a pounding as we understand that we too still need the cross of Jesus Christ each day, every moment...Don't you like to think at times that you have it all together outside of the cross and the grace of God? That is our ever-present downfall.

In the end, will it matter what I have been accused of? Not really, this world is a temporary place and I will go on to meet Jesus and all this will be forgotten. What will live on is whether or not I glorified God on earth and the impact my life made on others for the Kingdom of God. Was I faithful to the Word? Was I a good and faithful servant of the Lord? Were others drawn to Him by the life I lived or were they repelled by my example?

Such gravity...Help us Lord to be all you have created us to be....

Peacemaking Disciplers

Peacemaking is a large part of being a biblical counselor/discipler. Have you been in the position to be a peacemaker yet? In the Beatitudes, Jesus says, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God." (Matt 5:9) As always, we must apply truth to our own hearts first.

We are called by God- all of us are- to "go and be reconciled" with one another (Matt 5:24). The desire to do so is an evidence of the very presence of the Holy Spirit within us. How many of your relationships are out of order? How many have discord and animosity as a rule rather than the exception?

Our very position in Christ is based upon reconciliation, and our having been gifted a forgiveness we do not deserve! We have been forgiven based on the grace of God, not on our own worth or penance we have done. Our response to such wonderful grace is to forgive as we have been forgiven (Col 3:13).

I confess that peacemaking is not always easy for me. My flesh still desires to be vindicated when I am wronged! I would much rather defend my position and redeem my reputation than allow myself to be falsely accused or slandered. These types of betrayals seem to be the worst.

There have been a few times in my ministry life that I have been betrayed by people in the church that I loved and trusted. I think what made it hurt do badly is that those people were my family; part of my eternal family and I loved them and respected them.

The truth is people with whom we have no relationship really cannot hurt us, they cannot betray us to the extent that our loved ones can. This causes us to withdraw and want to hold people at an arms length and have only superficial relationships with people.

Have you noticed your pastor's wife? Many pastor's wives do not have close friendships but many acquaintances in the church. There is a reason for that! Many have been so deeply hurt over the years by those who befriended them and eventually turned on them and their husband as they left the church. After a while it just seems easier to have only superficial relationships because they don't hurt as much. How sad!

Sisters in Christ, this should not be the case in our churches. The church is to be the example for the world of love and compassion and sacrifice. How we have miserably failed in many circumstances...

Peacemaking is a calling for every Christian- counselor, discipler, or pew sitter. Each one of us has a responsibility before God to apply Biblical Theology for conflict resolution in our homes and our churches, our families and our church family. To refuse to do so is frankly shameful and disgraces the name of Christ, the Ultimate Peacemaker.

"'IT' Is Not Evil..."

Years ago I was ministering to a wonderful woman who struggled with using food as a comforter. By her own admission she had tried every diet known to mankind. She had worked every program, bought every weight loss plan available and still she struggled with the same number of pounds over and over again. She commented to me that she had enough clothes from every size she had been over the years to open a store. As she began to understand heart change she made this statement, "It is not that food is evil, it's my heart that's evil!"

When a counselee gets to this point I know that swift and lasting change is right around the corner! She has to realize that she is her own worst enemy in the battle, because it is a spiritual battle long before it is a material battle. 

Another person once told me that her problem isn't her computer, it isn't the TV, it isn't external sources... "it is all WITHIN ME."

It is so critical to realize that there is a necessary part in any process of change that includes the putting off of the old sinful patterns and putting on new and godly ones, but that is certainly not the crux of the issue. Radical amputation is certainly required, for it is foolish to expect habitual patterns to change without any effort but this cannot be the only measure taken.

Some people who are failing to change realize that they are not putting forth maximum effort in the process of change. One person said this, "I've been keeping one foot in both camps, and playing the 'Hmm, which one do I like better today?' game." My Counselee goes on to say that she was losing the battle because she was not fighting with everything she had.

"... and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” John 8:32 (NASB)

Fighting with everything means that you must stop telling yourself lies. I have blogged before on self-deception and how it keeps many people stuck in their sinful habits. When you lie to yourself you will find that you can easily justify your temptation which leads to those sinful behaviors. You really must stop lying to yourself about what is evil in your heart and life.

Confession of these sins will bring them into the light of day and disarm them, stripping them of a great portion of the power they seem to hold over you. Sin hates exposure for this very reason! Once it is brought out, recognized, and confessed to our loving Father in heaven you can begin to reject its pull on an opportunity/temptation by opportunity/temptation basis.

These are all aspects of the change of heart that I write about all the time in these blogs. As you realize and admit your sin, confess it as sin, and repent of the sin (make a change and go in a new direction), you will begin to see some success. But it cannot end there. There must be in concert with these actions a desire on the heart level to be transformed into someone who desires to honor and glorify God by how you live your life. As I have said so many times, this is a response to a true understanding of what God has done for you in Christ Jesus (Eph 1). When you begin to operate out of this paradigm you will make rapid and lasting changes both in heart and in practice.