Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them Ephesians 5:11 (NASB)
Today is the day most Americans celebrate Halloween. A survey was just released that said that Americans are spending more money on Halloween than ever before. I have noticed the trend over the past 10-15 years that people are really decorating their houses for Halloween like they do for Christmas! Orange lights, and inflatable yard decorations that look like pumpkins and ghosts precede the colored lights and snow globes to come; and hideous witches and screaming skeletons adorn the porches where a smiling Santa will soon be standing with his bag of goodies.
We have developed an unhealthy pre-occupation with the dark side of the supernatural. It is amazing to me that people who deny the existence of God and scoff at the resurrection of Jesus Christ completely buy in to paranormal activity, scary movies, and supposed demonic interaction detected with "ghost buster" devices.
For the record, I despise Halloween. You won't find any decorations at my house, and when little kiddos come to call for their Trick or Treat our lights will be out. Am I some relative of the Grinch perhaps? Hardly, as I love holidays and decorating as much as the next gal does. I simply hate Halloween and everything it stands for and here is why:
Depending on your sources, Halloween was the November 1 celebration of the Feast of Samhain. Samhain was the Druid (pagan) lord of death who was depicted as what we know as the Grim Reaper. As with other gods sacrifices of appeasement were to be made to him.
The Celtic Druids believed that November 1 was the day of death and that Samhain was overpowering the sun god who brought the warmer temperatures. This was because the days were getting shorter, the leaves were falling and the crops were done bearing fruit.
They believed that Samhain gathered together the spirits of those who died during the year and those spirits had been confined to the bodies of animals as punishment for their evil deeds in life. On October 31 these spirits were released to visit the living.
To protect themselves the Druids taught that animals and people were to be sacrificed They captured horses, sheep, oxen, and most grisly of all, babies that were put into cages and set on fire to appease these spirits and prevent harm from coming to the living.
Costumes were animal skins and heads, Trick or Treat began as another way to ward off the harm of evil spirits. Depending on the source, you will find that the carved pumpkin began as a symbol of a damned soul doomed to wander the earth, or as a symbol of sympathy for the witches and Satanists who would require a sacrifice from the farmer to prevent being harmed.
The celebration of Halloween was brought to America in the mid 1800's. It is a safe bet that you have never encountered anything that I have detailed above, and unless you are acquainted with Satanists you are unaware of the things that go on in our present day in "celebration" of Halloween. I was once a part of that lifestyle and I know the seamy underbelly of this "holiday."
My point is this: There is nothing God-honoring or biblical about the celebration of this "holiday." As I look around and see what does take place in "celebration" of Halloween these days I am convinced my decision is the right one.
It is the one day of the year the evil of the human heart can be on display and no one will care. Costumes that glorify death and gore are the norm. You can "be" an ax murderer, a demon, a witch, and even dress as a whore putting all your wares on display in a public venue and no one will bat an eye because after all, it is Halloween! It is all "just for fun!" Violence and death, murder and mayhem, terror and torment don't sound like fun.
It is shocking to me how parents find it acceptable for their kids to act out their sickest and most sinful fantasies at this time of the year. Not only do they condone it, but they are willing to pay big dollars to make it happen. When a school makes the decision not to allow the costumes and parties during the school day in favor of actually educating the kids parents have an unholy fit!
I do not understand Christians who say that they participate in Halloween so their kids are not deprived of the age old customs of costumes and Trick or Treating. I am of course criticized as an extremest, and invariably told I am a hypocrite because I put up a Christmas tree. You would have to agree that there is a vast difference between the celebration of death and darkness and the celebration of the birth of the Savior who is the Light of the World.
You don't have to agree with me, and you may not like my position on Halloween. That's fine by me. I find nothing in Halloween that brings glory to God (do you?!) and I wish to live my life in a manner that does.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
The Dangers of Daydreaming
For in many dreams and in many words there is emptiness. Rather, fear God. Ecclesiastes 5:7
I once had the pleasure of meeting a young woman who struggled with daydreaming and fantasy life. Dannie was a wonderful young lady who had the most vivid imagination I ever encountered! Her thought life was so vivid that she could almost live there, and it was causing her problems in the real world.
You may find it hard to believe, but daydreaming can actually be a revelation of a sinful heart. I have counseled women who enjoy watching daytime "soap operas" and reading what are called "romance novels" but are really soft core pornography for women. Such is the stuff of many fantasies of the modern woman.
Such indulgences set a woman up for sinning in the theater of the mind. A woman who struggles with daydreaming may dream up a scenario in which she compares her husband to a character she reads about in a book. She may place him in the shoes of the fictitious man being written about and expect her husband to think and act in the same way. When her husband acts like who he has always been, the wife can become bitterly disappointed and angry. Often, the poor man has no clue as to why his wife is upset with him!
If you can, put yourself the position of a woman who is competing with her husband's internet or magazine pornography fixation. A women whose husband looks at pictures of naked women, who are airbrushed or photo-shopped to perfection may not be satisfied with the usual woman who shares his bed at night. He is living in a separate world of his own making. The wife is often furious because she knows there is no way after a few kids and a dozen years of marriage she can look like that, or be as exciting and daring as what is on the screen or the pages of the magazine.
Now, think of a husband who competes with the literal man of his wife's dreams- daydreams that is. He can morph into anything she wishes, and because he lives in her head he can adapt to whatever she needs at the moment. He can be tall and blond or dark haired, romantic, and sweep her off her feet. He can be a knight in shining armor one day and a rakish pirate the next! He doesn't need to take out the trash or pick up the dog poo from the yard.
The daydream man is often nothing like the real man, and this difference causes the woman to become dissatisfied with her husband. Reality is nothing like fantasy and these daydreams will cause a woman to have a very poor attitude toward the man she is married to. She may feel cheated and act out angrily toward him.
I would not want to leave out the single women from this conversation either. It used to be that single women had only their daydreams and imaginations to help them engage in sexual immorality or fantasy life. But thanks to the internet, a single woman can have virtual sex with a man who is a composite of bits and bytes. Her imagination may fill in the gaps about his personality and she too can have a very sinful and self-indulgent thought life. Some single women actually carry on virtual relationships with these computerized creations and consider themselves to be in love or in some sort of a romantic entanglement.
The mind is a very, very powerful thing ladies! Is it any wonder the Lord tells us to guard our thoughts? Does it surprise you that lust begins in the mind before it ever gets to the physical realm? It shouldn't!
Sexual is not the only kinds of daydreams we have ladies. Have you ever nursed a grudge? Have you ever replayed a hurtful incident over and over in your thoughts thinking of how you would like to get even with someone? I sure have! Have you ever thought about how you would react if something you want badly would come true for you? This can also be harmful because none of it is rooted in reality!
Philippians 4:8 tells us to meditate on many things, but they are all things that honor and glorify God. We are admonished to think on things what are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent and worthy of praise. Every thought of a godly woman ought to be glorifying to God.
When Dannie and I worked together, our goal was to reorient her heart and mind to be focused on what was first of all true and real. The fantasy man of the romance novel or soap opera is no more real than the pin up girl in the magazine. They are both illusions of fleshly perfection that are intended to hook you like a fish and drag you away into further sin. (James ) True and real means that she accepts life how it is. Sometimes that means husband is too short or too tall or bald or skinny or fat. He may be perfectly steady and not overly exciting to live with, but that is the reality she has been given and it is God's ideal for her.
We also had to work on what was honorable. It was totally dis-honorable for her to be thinking sexual thoughts about her fantasy man. Her thoughts needed to be directed towards being thoughts that were God-focused. This demands a renewing of the mind (Romans 12:2) from a mind that thinks of self and pleasure seeking to a mind that wants to glorify God and give Him praise and honor in all respects. To do otherwise is to practice gross idolatry, because she is placing herself first, even before God. All forms of self-worship are idolatry.
When thoughts are true and honorable they are more likely to be right and pure. The entire focus of the act of thinking is different when a person wants to worship God.
Dannie was able to see how her thoughts were leading her astray in acting out her fantasies of all kinds. She did determine that she would make herself accountable for her thoughts, and that she would harshly reign her thoughts in when she found herself wandering off. She kept a thought journal and recorded the things she struggled not thinking about, and made a prayer list of how she could specifically pray when she was tempted.
She bathed her mind in Scripture and made a little flip chart of put offs and put ons according to Ephesians 4 to help her to have a godly focal point in a moment of strong temptation.
Eventually, she was able to set aside these thoughts and desires of the heart and she learned to redirect them toward ones that gave God glory and honor.
I once had the pleasure of meeting a young woman who struggled with daydreaming and fantasy life. Dannie was a wonderful young lady who had the most vivid imagination I ever encountered! Her thought life was so vivid that she could almost live there, and it was causing her problems in the real world.
You may find it hard to believe, but daydreaming can actually be a revelation of a sinful heart. I have counseled women who enjoy watching daytime "soap operas" and reading what are called "romance novels" but are really soft core pornography for women. Such is the stuff of many fantasies of the modern woman.
Such indulgences set a woman up for sinning in the theater of the mind. A woman who struggles with daydreaming may dream up a scenario in which she compares her husband to a character she reads about in a book. She may place him in the shoes of the fictitious man being written about and expect her husband to think and act in the same way. When her husband acts like who he has always been, the wife can become bitterly disappointed and angry. Often, the poor man has no clue as to why his wife is upset with him!
If you can, put yourself the position of a woman who is competing with her husband's internet or magazine pornography fixation. A women whose husband looks at pictures of naked women, who are airbrushed or photo-shopped to perfection may not be satisfied with the usual woman who shares his bed at night. He is living in a separate world of his own making. The wife is often furious because she knows there is no way after a few kids and a dozen years of marriage she can look like that, or be as exciting and daring as what is on the screen or the pages of the magazine.
Now, think of a husband who competes with the literal man of his wife's dreams- daydreams that is. He can morph into anything she wishes, and because he lives in her head he can adapt to whatever she needs at the moment. He can be tall and blond or dark haired, romantic, and sweep her off her feet. He can be a knight in shining armor one day and a rakish pirate the next! He doesn't need to take out the trash or pick up the dog poo from the yard.
The daydream man is often nothing like the real man, and this difference causes the woman to become dissatisfied with her husband. Reality is nothing like fantasy and these daydreams will cause a woman to have a very poor attitude toward the man she is married to. She may feel cheated and act out angrily toward him.
I would not want to leave out the single women from this conversation either. It used to be that single women had only their daydreams and imaginations to help them engage in sexual immorality or fantasy life. But thanks to the internet, a single woman can have virtual sex with a man who is a composite of bits and bytes. Her imagination may fill in the gaps about his personality and she too can have a very sinful and self-indulgent thought life. Some single women actually carry on virtual relationships with these computerized creations and consider themselves to be in love or in some sort of a romantic entanglement.
The mind is a very, very powerful thing ladies! Is it any wonder the Lord tells us to guard our thoughts? Does it surprise you that lust begins in the mind before it ever gets to the physical realm? It shouldn't!
Sexual is not the only kinds of daydreams we have ladies. Have you ever nursed a grudge? Have you ever replayed a hurtful incident over and over in your thoughts thinking of how you would like to get even with someone? I sure have! Have you ever thought about how you would react if something you want badly would come true for you? This can also be harmful because none of it is rooted in reality!
Philippians 4:8 tells us to meditate on many things, but they are all things that honor and glorify God. We are admonished to think on things what are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent and worthy of praise. Every thought of a godly woman ought to be glorifying to God.
When Dannie and I worked together, our goal was to reorient her heart and mind to be focused on what was first of all true and real. The fantasy man of the romance novel or soap opera is no more real than the pin up girl in the magazine. They are both illusions of fleshly perfection that are intended to hook you like a fish and drag you away into further sin. (James ) True and real means that she accepts life how it is. Sometimes that means husband is too short or too tall or bald or skinny or fat. He may be perfectly steady and not overly exciting to live with, but that is the reality she has been given and it is God's ideal for her.
We also had to work on what was honorable. It was totally dis-honorable for her to be thinking sexual thoughts about her fantasy man. Her thoughts needed to be directed towards being thoughts that were God-focused. This demands a renewing of the mind (Romans 12:2) from a mind that thinks of self and pleasure seeking to a mind that wants to glorify God and give Him praise and honor in all respects. To do otherwise is to practice gross idolatry, because she is placing herself first, even before God. All forms of self-worship are idolatry.
When thoughts are true and honorable they are more likely to be right and pure. The entire focus of the act of thinking is different when a person wants to worship God.
Dannie was able to see how her thoughts were leading her astray in acting out her fantasies of all kinds. She did determine that she would make herself accountable for her thoughts, and that she would harshly reign her thoughts in when she found herself wandering off. She kept a thought journal and recorded the things she struggled not thinking about, and made a prayer list of how she could specifically pray when she was tempted.
She bathed her mind in Scripture and made a little flip chart of put offs and put ons according to Ephesians 4 to help her to have a godly focal point in a moment of strong temptation.
Eventually, she was able to set aside these thoughts and desires of the heart and she learned to redirect them toward ones that gave God glory and honor.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Overcoming Over Talking
Yesterday I began the topic of women who talk too much. Talking too much might include things like finishing someone else’s sentences, or having the last word or even one-upping them in a conversation. She may also over talk, which is continuing to talk while someone else is speaking. She may also interrupt the speaker to insert her point of view.
Have you ever listened to yourself when you talk? Have you ever had the opportunity to observe yourself interacting with your husband or someone else? This can be very enlightening!
Very often the women who complain about their husbands exhibit these types of behaviors. This is really a serious problem in a marriage or relationship, ladies!
Some other ways women talk too much are: babbling on and on about nothing, having idle talk or gossip about others, participating in unwholesome or careless talk about immoral or unseemly things. They become busybodies, knowing everyone’s business. They may also be sarcastic and critical of others thinking they are superior to their peers.
I have seen how women respond to other women who talk too much; they are excluded and ostracized because for some reason we tend not to tolerate this from each other.
The Husbands seem to respond to their wives who talk too much in a variety of ways. Some simply tolerate the behavior or ignore her as she goes on and on. Other men will yell at or berate their wives for talking too much, telling her to “shut up.” Depending on the personality of the man, he may even adopt a passive role in the marriage; submitting to his wife out of self-preservation.
These marriages may have started out loving and wonderful, but many have become prisons of misery for everyone concerned. The wives become shrill and shrewish and the husbands become withdrawn and henpecked.
As with all matters we face, dealing with this issue begins in the heart and her life will be changed as the heart of the woman is changed by God. She must begin to change this life dominating sinful pattern by asking God to help her to see her heart. David said in Psalm 139 "see if there is any wicked way in me" and this must be her prayer too.
As God reveals the contents of the sinful heart, she must repent of her sin and then and confess it to those she has sinned against. It is good to be honest with them about what she has learned about herself. She must ask forgiveness from those she has hurt and sinned against, and thank God for His forgiveness as well.
Then it is time to demonstrate some practical actions of repentance. Some things a person can do would be to keep a little journal of the times they are tempted to sin in speaking and every day or so, go back and look at those entries.
Determine what the thoughts, beliefs, and desires of the heart were at the time of temptation or sin. Make a biblical plan to change, first by having the mind renewed by the Word of God (Rom. 12:2) with prayer, and then by making practical plans for when tempted to sin this way. When failure occurs, promptly confess it and examine where the error in thoughts, beliefs, and desires took place and then plan a different biblical response for next time. Sinful patterns can be overcome through mind renewal and a biblical plan for change.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Do You Talk Too Much?
Being a woman and a biblical counselor I hear my share of complaints from wives who are dissatisfied with their husband’s attentiveness toward them. They want his time and undivided attention. They want him to sit and listen to them talk. They tell me they want his advice on problems and his leadership in their home and with their kids but he won’t give it.
When she pushes him for a reason he gives a reply that amounts to, “It doesn’t matter what I say, you will do what you want anyway.” He may also make comments about how she will just argue until she gets her way. This signals a huge problem: some women simply talk too much.
When a woman talks too much there is no room in the marriage for the husband to be the leader of the home or to get in a few words edgewise.
What does talking too much reveal about a woman? It reveals much about her heart for sure! A woman who talks too much is not living out Phil 2. She is not considering others better than herself. This is pure selfishness and reveals a lack of submission to Scripture. A woman who talks too much is most likely not a submissive wife either.
A submissive woman is nothing like what the world wants to make her out to be. The biblical definition of submission (hupataso in Greek) means; to come under another as in military rank; to be under their protection and guidance, and to fall in place under. There is no intonation of "doormat" or slave attached to this word when it is viewed properly. The ugly distortions of the feminists regarding submission make it out to be a horrible and evil matter that takes away a woman's personhood. Nothing could be further from the truth!
When a woman is constantly over ruling or contradicting her husband or those in authority over her it is a clear indication she does not understand biblical submission, or even worse if she does understand and refuses to obey God in this command. Submission is a heart issue long before it is an action. Submission in the heart is a willingness to obey God despite how it feels or how others view it.
A woman can fake submission; I call this sitting down on the inside while standing up on the inside. She can appear to be the picture of submission and compliance to the observer, but her heart is hard and angry toward God and the one to whom she is to submit.
In addition to being selfish and unsubmissive, these women believe their opinion is more important than their husband's, or anyone else's. She may think he is not wise enough to make decisions, or that her ideas are better than his. This is nothing more than gross pride ladies.
Perhaps God has gifted you in ways He has not gifted your husband; however your role is to be a supportive helper. There are ways to express your opinion and to tell your husband what your perspective is on a situation. It becomes a problem when the woman is unable to keep it to a one or two time "suggestion." When the husband does not react or agree with her it becomes a battle with barrage of words to convince him to follow her leading, or perhaps she has a fit and retaliates in some other way.
Are you a woman who talks too much? Think about this, and if you are really brave, ask your husband tonight if he thinks you talk too much!
This is not the end of this topic, I will continue this next time!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Joy in the Classroom of Life
For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, 1 Peter 2:21 (NASB)
It is once again time for me to do a review. The 48th year of my life reminded me once again of the personal cost there is to be a Christ-follower. Of course, it is nothing like the cost that was paid for my redemption but it is costly nonetheless.
This past year has made it abundantly clear that the call of the Christian life includes suffering as well as joy. Following Christ, becoming Christ-like, being identified with Christ will all bring sorrow and pain into life as I am broken and poured out. This is not always a bad thing. As I am transformed from who I once was into who I am becoming, God is glorified.
I am reminded that God did not redeem me unto salvation for me to live life as I please- to live life for myself. More than ever, this past year I have understood that I have been bought for a purpose and I have a mission ahead of me.
God has taught me much...It is a blessing to be able to see the fruit of God's teaching bear fruit in my life. By His grace, as I have suffered I have grown. By His grace, as I have grown I have reflected Him. By His grace...His grace alone.
I am a woman richly blessed! There has been much joy in this past year as well! I have a wonderful and loving husband who is all I could ever want for a sojourner through this life, he is my soul-mate and he completes me. I could not ask for a better man to share my life. He is my best friend and I would not trade him for anything or anyone. I have fantastic kids, a thriving ministry to you, and great friends and family.
Our family continues to grow in size and our ministry family also continues to grow. We are reaching more people via the blog than ever before, and our local counseling center is also expanding. All of these things are great blessings to me.
There has also been hardship and even sorrow mixed with my joy. I understand perseverance more now than I did before; I understand forbearance and forgiveness more than I did a year ago too. These are good things because the lessons learned in the classroom of suffering are what prepare us to be effective servants to our fellow man. These lessons are often very painful and break us down emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Our sufferings remove our prideful self-sufficiency and teach us the truth- without Him I can do nothing, with Him all things are possible. I have learned this is true.
So onward I go, into the last year of this decade of life! I am excited as to what it will bring and how God will enable me to glorify Him as I continue on this journey.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Sanctification and the Gospel
Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body that you should obey its lusts, and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. Romans 6:12-13 (NASB)
I have been meditating on the blessing of sanctification in the life of the Believer. Sanctification is often looked at as putting feet on our beliefs and our faith. Sanctification is a result. We are sanctified (set apart for holiness) at our conversion which is the point in time when God saves us by His grace. Sanctification is done to us and for us by God (positionally) and we are passive recipients of it.
Practical sanctification is the working out of your own salvation (Phil 2:12b, 13). Because the Holy Spirit resides within us, new actions and attitudes will come out of us. This is the evidence of our salvation in Christ Jesus.
A gospel-centered approach to sanctification is all about change as Romans 6 tells us. On the basis of what Christ did for us on the cross and on who we are in Christ we are to practice personal holiness of the heart that overflows into our actions. We grow to understand personal holiness through the appropriate use of the Word and its application to first our heart and then it will overflow to our lives.
A key component in all of Christianity is belief, or faith. We can “know” Christianity intellectually and recite its doctrines and say we believe it is true, but we have to live as though it is true- because it is. The transfer has to be made from belief to action.
We tend to live and act according to our belief systems. If we believe that we are what God has declared us to be- dead to sin and alive in Christ, then we will (or should) begin to live that way. Once we understand the cross and our acceptance by grace through faith and God’s never-ending love for us, the desire to live how we please and abuse the grace of God should not be a part of our lives.
The Bible is clear that we are to change, and that the Word and the Holy Spirit are the agents of change. Sanctification that is gospel-centered is a result of a heart that desires God and flows from a heart that is centered on the gospel.
What is non-gospel oriented growth? The best example is the performance based Christian. This is the belief that if you are truly a committed and growing Christian you will live your life by a certain set of rules. There is also the belief that you earn or forfeit the blessings of God by how well and how often you succeed or fail at living the Christian life. It is “check-list Christianity.” They practice the spiritual disciplines; they try and work on their heart issues and sin areas by human effort.
They live with a sense of never measuring up because their flesh is still very strong. They are constantly measuring themselves against themselves, and coming up short. They are not meeting their own expectations as a Christian and believe that God is displeased with them, that they are “out of fellowship” with Him, not “walking rightly,” and so on. Life is lived on the performance treadmill and they are never quite able to keep up.
They recognize that they are lacking and inconsistent in true spiritual growth, so they live with an ongoing sense of guilt at their failure to perform. There is little to no joy in the life of a person driven like this.
For years I was trapped there, and it is joyless and void of authentic Spirit-grown fruit. I am very glad to see men like John Piper, and Jerry Bridges speaking out against performance driven Christianity in recent years.
The truth is that folks who think they are “perfect” and acting “Christian” in all the right ways don’t need the gospel anymore. In many ways they set themselves up as superior to the rest of us and sinfully think in their hearts they are more spiritual and holier than the rest of the unwashed masses.
This brings us again to the cross. It brings us back to what Christ did for us, our right standing in Him, and our inability to do anything to save or fix ourselves. Because of our failures, because of our ongoing struggles with sin we are to go back to the gospel and reckon ourselves dead to the power sin has over our lives.
So while in the process of sanctification, keep focused on the gospel. The more you grow, the more you will see how sinful and wicked your heart still is! This can be mighty discouraging. But rather than it taking you into the pit of despair, let it take you to the cross with thanksgiving!
Let it remind you of all you don’t have to do to be acceptable, and how much you are already loved and accepted by God in Christ. Let the gospel motivate you…let it complete its perfect work in your heart and overflow into your life.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Weary and Burdened?
There are times in each of our lives where we come up against obstacles that threaten to knock us over and flatten us. These times cause us to look up to the heavens and cry out, "Why God, why?"
Many are experiencing serious financial difficulties and cannot believe what has befallen them. Hard working people who have saved and invested for decades find themselves unemployed and living off their dwindling savings. Too young to retire and too old and experienced to be considered for new positions because of their pay scale and remaining years of employment, these find themselves not eligible for hire.
Some find themelves stuck with real estate that will not sell. After years of improvements and investing in a house that they hoped and planned would at least break even at sale time, these folks find themselves in the midst of a nightmare that involves terminology like "short sale" and the dreaded "foreclosure."
Still others are facing devastating loss as loved ones are facing death. Life is full of the strange language called medical terminology. Words like "terminal" and "hospice" are becoming familiar and for some, realistic hope for a cure in this life is fading.
No matter what problem you face today be it a great or small issue, life just gets wearing and we tend to get weary of it.
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 (NASB)
I am so very thankful that we can go to the Lord with our sorrows and burdens. I once again have to ask, how do the unbelievers make it through this life without Christ?
These tough days are intended to mature us and develop our character. They are intended to make us more like Christ as we share in His sufferings. These tough days are intended to make us long for our heavenly home. They are intended to diminish our love of the world and the things in and of the world.
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 (NASB)
God's purpose in all things is to make us more like Christ.
For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son... Romans 8:29 (NASB)
I am thankful this life and its hardships serve a purpose. I am thankful He is accomplishing His goals in my heart and life. I am thankful He loves me.
Do not weary in doing good my friends. Do not despair and do not think all your worldly misery is for nothing. God is aware of every tear and every sorrow. He is walking with you through every moment of suffering.
Pour out your heart to Him and experience His wonderful lavish grace wash over your aching heart.
Many are experiencing serious financial difficulties and cannot believe what has befallen them. Hard working people who have saved and invested for decades find themselves unemployed and living off their dwindling savings. Too young to retire and too old and experienced to be considered for new positions because of their pay scale and remaining years of employment, these find themselves not eligible for hire.
Some find themelves stuck with real estate that will not sell. After years of improvements and investing in a house that they hoped and planned would at least break even at sale time, these folks find themselves in the midst of a nightmare that involves terminology like "short sale" and the dreaded "foreclosure."
Still others are facing devastating loss as loved ones are facing death. Life is full of the strange language called medical terminology. Words like "terminal" and "hospice" are becoming familiar and for some, realistic hope for a cure in this life is fading.
No matter what problem you face today be it a great or small issue, life just gets wearing and we tend to get weary of it.
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 (NASB)
I am so very thankful that we can go to the Lord with our sorrows and burdens. I once again have to ask, how do the unbelievers make it through this life without Christ?
These tough days are intended to mature us and develop our character. They are intended to make us more like Christ as we share in His sufferings. These tough days are intended to make us long for our heavenly home. They are intended to diminish our love of the world and the things in and of the world.
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 (NASB)
God's purpose in all things is to make us more like Christ.
For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son... Romans 8:29 (NASB)
I am thankful this life and its hardships serve a purpose. I am thankful He is accomplishing His goals in my heart and life. I am thankful He loves me.
Do not weary in doing good my friends. Do not despair and do not think all your worldly misery is for nothing. God is aware of every tear and every sorrow. He is walking with you through every moment of suffering.
Pour out your heart to Him and experience His wonderful lavish grace wash over your aching heart.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
God's Amazing Grace
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed; 2 Corinthians 9:8 (NASB)
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NASB)
Grace is sufficient. So many times I hear people say they don’t think they can do it - they can’t bear up under the strain or under the persecution. They tell me how weak they are, and I tell them to rejoice in that weakness! Because then they can really see that it is not them doing it--it is Christ! The grace of God is enough to carry them through!
Grace is sufficient, and it is enough. If it were not enough, God would have made a better provision.
I also have to remind myself that God’s grace will be present in abundance when I need it and not before. I cannot store up grace for a rainy day like I can my pennies; it will be sufficient and not lacking anything in that moment.
For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace. Romans 6:14 (NASB)
I really love this passage of Scripture. When I first realized this, I think I about flew out of my seat!
Romans 6:1-2 says, “What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?
Realizing that grace is in my life changes my perspective on things, people and circumstances. When I view all of life through the lens of God’s grace demonstrated toward me, I have no other alternative than to change how I live.
Some may disagree with my statement because of the issue of free will. My position is that a true believer will change. They just will! No will of man can overcome the power of the living God; some may change slower than others, but all of us will be changed.
When the sinner, through the power of the Holy Spirit, begins to understand the enormity of what grace has done for them, their desire becomes one of change to bring Him glory. If the desire to change is not present, then we will question the validity of the salvation testimony.
When we realize that we are now free from the “have to’s” in obeying sin, our perspective on that sin changes immediately. I have no choice but to conclude that I sin because I like its temporary results; I like the rush, the immediate gratification, and the clandestine feeling that I am getting away with something.
I deceive myself by thinking sin brings me pleasure when in reality it does not - not true pleasure, not pleasure without guilty feelings. This is because always after the immediate gratification comes the immediate understanding that I have taken this wonderful grace and abused it and trampled it carelessly.
This is the realization of grace--the understanding that God has given us this wonderful gift that I surely do not deserve and has not given me all the misery I do deserve. He has brought me into His kingdom as His child and given me the riches of this kingdom, having lifted me out of slavery and misery and given me His inheritance. The realization that these things are true about me and cannot be revoked or taken away by anyone causes me to fall down and worship Him.
It also causes me to live out this worship in life and demonstrate it to others.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Conflict and Peacemaking
I read an interesting and thought provoking quote the other day. It got me to thinking....
We have conflict with other people when our practical theology parts ways with our confessional theology. That is, when what we profess and believe about God is revealed by how we actually live.
Here is something that might make you shake a little- the condition of your relationships demonstrates what you believe about God.
You might say that your relationships are great and that you are at peace with those in your life, but do your relationships actually bear that out? Are your relationships harmonious ones? Do you have unresolved issues with friends and family that you are simply ignoring because it is easier that way?
Something to understand is that your relationship problems and the lack of internal peace that comes with is reveals the condition of your own heart. There is nothing like a "good" conflict for revealing what is really going on in your heart!
Those words you said in anger...revealed what you really think about them but are too polite to say under normal conditions. The stuff you threw, the door you slammed, all that sort of acting out in anger is revealing the rebellious two year old who lives inside you who demands her own way. That part of you that has not been submitted to the discipline of the Holy Spirit.
Your relationship problems didn't begin with that argument, that argument was the result of an area of your mind which has not been renewed and an area of your heart that has not been surrendered to the Lord God, King of the Universe.
We must constantly be reviewing our thoughts, beliefs and desires in light of Scripture and while thanking God for His abundant grace, begin to address those things in our hearts that lead us to sin. We must begin to ask ourselves the hardest of questions that we really prefer to reserve for other people!
"What thoughts of mine led to what I said?" "Are those thoughts pure, lovely, holy, righteous, honorable?" "How do my thoughts line up with the Word of God?"
We must do the same for our belief system. Your beliefs shape what you do because we are motivated by truth. If you believe something to be true you will act upon it. You must ask the Lord's help in discerning what you believe to be true. Do those beliefs line up with Scripture? If not, then reject those that are false.
So how does this all reveal what you and I believe about God? We "preach" to ourselves every day Ladies. We are either preaching good theology or bad theology, truth about God or things that we would like to be true about God, but aren't. When you have a destroyed relationship you have forgotten that the Lord commands us to be reconciled to one another and to love one another, to share one another's burdens and to admonish one another.
If your relationship is blown up, you are practicing false beliefs about God in thinking that God does not notice or does not care about the discord between you. He cares, deeply.
It is not always possible to be reconciled, I know that for sure. But let it never be that our relationships are torn because you and I refused to practice good theology. I would rather take the chance of speaking the absolute truth in love to a fellow sister or brother in Christ and take the risk of their temporary anger than to have an unreconciled relationship.
This stuff is costly..it takes hours and sometimes days and weeks to resolve. It is messy, leaving hurt and pain in its wake. And it is glorious, when two who were at odds with one another embrace and cry and fall over each others words to express sorrow and repentance and ask forgiveness.
I would rather the latter in my world, and I intend to make it so whenever possible.
We have conflict with other people when our practical theology parts ways with our confessional theology. That is, when what we profess and believe about God is revealed by how we actually live.
Here is something that might make you shake a little- the condition of your relationships demonstrates what you believe about God.
You might say that your relationships are great and that you are at peace with those in your life, but do your relationships actually bear that out? Are your relationships harmonious ones? Do you have unresolved issues with friends and family that you are simply ignoring because it is easier that way?
Something to understand is that your relationship problems and the lack of internal peace that comes with is reveals the condition of your own heart. There is nothing like a "good" conflict for revealing what is really going on in your heart!
Those words you said in anger...revealed what you really think about them but are too polite to say under normal conditions. The stuff you threw, the door you slammed, all that sort of acting out in anger is revealing the rebellious two year old who lives inside you who demands her own way. That part of you that has not been submitted to the discipline of the Holy Spirit.
Your relationship problems didn't begin with that argument, that argument was the result of an area of your mind which has not been renewed and an area of your heart that has not been surrendered to the Lord God, King of the Universe.
We must constantly be reviewing our thoughts, beliefs and desires in light of Scripture and while thanking God for His abundant grace, begin to address those things in our hearts that lead us to sin. We must begin to ask ourselves the hardest of questions that we really prefer to reserve for other people!
"What thoughts of mine led to what I said?" "Are those thoughts pure, lovely, holy, righteous, honorable?" "How do my thoughts line up with the Word of God?"
We must do the same for our belief system. Your beliefs shape what you do because we are motivated by truth. If you believe something to be true you will act upon it. You must ask the Lord's help in discerning what you believe to be true. Do those beliefs line up with Scripture? If not, then reject those that are false.
So how does this all reveal what you and I believe about God? We "preach" to ourselves every day Ladies. We are either preaching good theology or bad theology, truth about God or things that we would like to be true about God, but aren't. When you have a destroyed relationship you have forgotten that the Lord commands us to be reconciled to one another and to love one another, to share one another's burdens and to admonish one another.
If your relationship is blown up, you are practicing false beliefs about God in thinking that God does not notice or does not care about the discord between you. He cares, deeply.
It is not always possible to be reconciled, I know that for sure. But let it never be that our relationships are torn because you and I refused to practice good theology. I would rather take the chance of speaking the absolute truth in love to a fellow sister or brother in Christ and take the risk of their temporary anger than to have an unreconciled relationship.
This stuff is costly..it takes hours and sometimes days and weeks to resolve. It is messy, leaving hurt and pain in its wake. And it is glorious, when two who were at odds with one another embrace and cry and fall over each others words to express sorrow and repentance and ask forgiveness.
I would rather the latter in my world, and I intend to make it so whenever possible.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Looking Forward
Last time I blogged about looking at life in the rear view mirror. There is a reason the windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror in your car; the rear view mirror is small and shows you only where you have been, and the windshield is large and shows you where you are headed.
Attempting to drive down the highway while looking only in the rear view mirror would bring tragic results to you and those you share the road with. Yet, many women live looking in the rear view mirror of their lives. They are fixated on the events and hurt of the past and have become captive of their own thought life. This brings so much sorrow and distress into the present that for the physical, emotional, and spiritual health of the woman resolve must be reached.
Reconciling the hurt, anger, and betrayal needs to be done at the heart level in order to truly move forward. No matter what has happened in the past it is in the past and there is nothing that can be done to change that. No amount of backward glances, "what if" thinking, hoping, or wishing will undo what has been done. It is best to accept what has happened as being a part of the tapestry of life; an intentional and purposeful part of life.
That may sound cold and cruel and it is not intended to, however I want you to understand that God is always sovereign over the events of our lives. It does not mean God approved or sanctioned sin. It does mean that He intends to use the past for our good and His glory. As a person begins to accept the hurt and come to the place where by the power of the Holy Spirit they are able to forgive the offender a sense of freedom begins to develop within. This also doesn't mean the hurt person offers forgiveness to the one who is unrepentant or has not asked to be forgiven, but rather the hurting heart turns over to God the responsibility for recompense.
Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-21 (NASB)
What this means in daily life is forgiveness is lived out via demonstrating love to the person who hurt them. This is what Christ did, and with Him as our example and the Spirit of God indwelling us, it is not only possible but expected that God’s abundant grace will pour over them and enable them to return good for evil.
Philippians 4:8-9 must become the normative thinking for the person who has been deeply hurt and no longer desires to live life looking in the rear view mirror.
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8-9
She must choose and determine to look at what is taking place in the present in the relationship in question. If the person who has hurt her is repentant and is no longer living a sinful life, then that is where her focus needs to be! What is “true” is that repentance has taken place, the person has returned to an “honorable” state before God! Their heart has been broken over their sin and having confessed their sin to God and you, is now “right” before you.
These are the things that bring peace into the heart of a person who has been deeply hurt because of someone else’s sinful actions. This is what living life looking forward at the whole wonderful life ahead of you means and not backward in the small rear view mirror of painful past actions.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Living Life In the Rear View Mirror
Some women bear horrible scars from wounds inflicted upon them by others. Maybe it was a parent who neglected their child, women who was raped by a family member, a wife whose husband was unfaithful, or was molested as a child. All of these issues tend to make a woman introspective, cause her to continually look at herself and wonder what she did to "deserve" such treatment. She spends a lot of time looking backwards in life, reliving the incident and questioning the person who hurt her (when that is possible.)
The number one question people ask is "Why?" "Why did you hurt me?" This is the burning question in the heart of a person who was deeply hurt by someone who should have loved them enough not to.
These women tend to live life looking in the rear view mirror, always focusing on what once was rather than looking forward to what life could be. There is no moving on or moving forward in life.
This is a destructive trap many fall into and as a result they live in bondage to a past they cannot go back and change. All of life revolves around what was done to them, how they hurt, how betrayed they have been. Many a woman has cried out to me about the pain she lives in today because of what happened to her previously.
Her thought life is consumed by the event(s) and often she picks apart every detail she can remember. Questions answered only bring more questions in her mind and she is never satisfied with what she learns, there is always room for one more question. The perceived need for one more answer or detail.
It may not matter if the person who hurt her is repentant, she may have forgiven the person but is still clinging to the hurt she bears. This is often the case in abuse or infidelity when the perpetrator has demonstrated the fruit of repentance even for a prolonged period of time. She cannot move past the offence(s) in her daily life, and if the one who hurt her is still a part of her life she is faced with having to live in both worlds with that person. The offenders past is consistently a part of her present.
She may draw connections from the depths of her pain to completely unrelated things like songs, movies, and poems that “speak to me” about how she imagines it to be. Her day may be proceeding just fine when a random thought will trigger a whole series of thoughts about the past and before long she finds herself sorrowful because of what has happened to her.
It may not matter if the person who hurt her is repentant, she may have forgiven the person but is still clinging to the hurt she bears. This is often the case in abuse or infidelity when the perpetrator has demonstrated the fruit of repentance even for a prolonged period of time. She cannot move past the offence(s) in her daily life, and if the one who hurt her is still a part of her life she is faced with having to live in both worlds with that person. The offenders past is consistently a part of her present.
She may draw connections from the depths of her pain to completely unrelated things like songs, movies, and poems that “speak to me” about how she imagines it to be. Her day may be proceeding just fine when a random thought will trigger a whole series of thoughts about the past and before long she finds herself sorrowful because of what has happened to her.
These are all symptoms of an unsettled state of mind/heart. She is a victim of her own thought life and living this way is draining and plainly miserable for her. It is common when a person has a life-altering or jolting event happen to them. A person in such a state may be given the diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dysthymic Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or Depression by the psychiatric folks. Their answer is psychotropic medications...but for those who have not yet ventured down that path, there is another way.
Please note: If you are currently taking a psychotropic medication we do not encourage you to stop taking them on your own. If you wish to stop medicating, you are to contact your medical doctor for assistance with this process. Many of these drugs cannot be stopped cold-turkey and bc4women does not advocate doing so!
Please note: If you are currently taking a psychotropic medication we do not encourage you to stop taking them on your own. If you wish to stop medicating, you are to contact your medical doctor for assistance with this process. Many of these drugs cannot be stopped cold-turkey and bc4women does not advocate doing so!
Next time we will look at how to deal with this problem biblically.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Not Forsaking Our Own Assembling
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near. Hebrews 10:23-25 (NASB)
We have a counseling outreach into the community and we often see people who are disconnected from a local church. Most of the people we see call themselves Christians yet do not belong to nor attend a local church. I find this amazing and very sad.
The reasons I am given for why Christians are not attending church rarely hold any water with me and more than that very few of the reasons are biblical.
The greatest group of non-church attenders have stopped going because they are disgruntled and angry at "the church." Someone hurt their feelings, church didn't meet their "needs," church got in the way of other weekend activities, was too far to drive, didn't have a Sunday School program for the kids, or some other excuse.
Some, to their credit stopped attending a church because the doctrine was perverted or the leadership was ungodly. They attempted to rectify the situations and were unsuccessful so they had to leave out of conscience. This is far and away the minority of people.
Some people watch church at home, thinking that television teaching is as good as the real thing, or being there in person. This is a wonderful option for those who are too ill or infirm and cannot possibly get to church, for parents with sick children, or bad weather. Even on a rare sleep-in Sunday watching the church service via the internet is alright. However, church TV should never be a steady diet.
I see all sorts of problems when people forsake the gathering together with one another for church. First, it is not biblical to separate yourself this way. Hebrews 10:25 is clear that Christians are to regularly gather for the preaching of the Word and for fellowship with other Believers.
We derive encouragement from one another when we meet. We get out of our own hurting worlds and invest ourselves in the lives of other people. We have an opportunity to serve others both in the church building and through using our God given gifts of teaching, music, ministering, counseling, discipleship and many other avenues of service.
There is also the necessary aspect of teaching and preaching. Being in the body of believers and receiving corporate instruction is important for mutual edification.
A person who is not in the church is also not allowing themselves to receive any sort of challenge to developing or present sinful habits in their life. This is frequently what causes people to leave a church in the first place; someone dares to confront them about sin in their life.
You must understand that the church is in a sense God's workshop and the people in it are to help rub the rough edges off of one another. Through our interaction with fellow Christians we can see and better understand issues of the heart that must be dealt with so we can grow and change. If a person is unwilling to attend and be a part of a church it is as though they are telling God that He must sanctify them some other way. They act as though they believe they are too good to be admonished or rebuked.
A person who comes for counseling and has no church family has no one to pray for them; they have no one to support them and care for them spiritually. There is also no accountability for sin or change and this is where I find the greatest danger.
All Bible believing Christians need to be in the church.
We have a counseling outreach into the community and we often see people who are disconnected from a local church. Most of the people we see call themselves Christians yet do not belong to nor attend a local church. I find this amazing and very sad.
The reasons I am given for why Christians are not attending church rarely hold any water with me and more than that very few of the reasons are biblical.
The greatest group of non-church attenders have stopped going because they are disgruntled and angry at "the church." Someone hurt their feelings, church didn't meet their "needs," church got in the way of other weekend activities, was too far to drive, didn't have a Sunday School program for the kids, or some other excuse.
Some, to their credit stopped attending a church because the doctrine was perverted or the leadership was ungodly. They attempted to rectify the situations and were unsuccessful so they had to leave out of conscience. This is far and away the minority of people.
Some people watch church at home, thinking that television teaching is as good as the real thing, or being there in person. This is a wonderful option for those who are too ill or infirm and cannot possibly get to church, for parents with sick children, or bad weather. Even on a rare sleep-in Sunday watching the church service via the internet is alright. However, church TV should never be a steady diet.
I see all sorts of problems when people forsake the gathering together with one another for church. First, it is not biblical to separate yourself this way. Hebrews 10:25 is clear that Christians are to regularly gather for the preaching of the Word and for fellowship with other Believers.
We derive encouragement from one another when we meet. We get out of our own hurting worlds and invest ourselves in the lives of other people. We have an opportunity to serve others both in the church building and through using our God given gifts of teaching, music, ministering, counseling, discipleship and many other avenues of service.
There is also the necessary aspect of teaching and preaching. Being in the body of believers and receiving corporate instruction is important for mutual edification.
A person who is not in the church is also not allowing themselves to receive any sort of challenge to developing or present sinful habits in their life. This is frequently what causes people to leave a church in the first place; someone dares to confront them about sin in their life.
You must understand that the church is in a sense God's workshop and the people in it are to help rub the rough edges off of one another. Through our interaction with fellow Christians we can see and better understand issues of the heart that must be dealt with so we can grow and change. If a person is unwilling to attend and be a part of a church it is as though they are telling God that He must sanctify them some other way. They act as though they believe they are too good to be admonished or rebuked.
A person who comes for counseling and has no church family has no one to pray for them; they have no one to support them and care for them spiritually. There is also no accountability for sin or change and this is where I find the greatest danger.
All Bible believing Christians need to be in the church.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Has God Let You Down?
Have you ever thought God let you down? Have you asked God for something, expecting to receive it, and you didn't? If you ever have thought God let you down or you find yourself disappointed in God, you have a grave misunderstanding about Him.
Webster says that to disappoint is "to fail to fulfill the expectation, hope or desire of. To prevent the fulfillment of a hope or a plan."
All of our disappointments come in varied shapes and sizes. Some are small and seemingly trivial and others are huge and leave scars that take a long time to heal.
What is your response to disappointment? Do you accept it well? Do you pout and get angry? We are so easily swayed and turn away from God in these moments. Many times we don't realize it until we have gotten ourselves into such a mess...and then we don't know where to go. Usually, we complicate matters and go everywhere but to the Lord.
Psalm 118:8-9 says, "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in princes."
God is the only one who will never let us down. Scripture says "God is perfect" (Ps. 18:30) and He is the only one who will never disappoint us.
So when there is something that you truly believe is important, and does not come to pass you have a choice: You can accept that is thing (whatever it is) is not as important to God as it is to you, or you can get angry with God.
The wiser choice is to accept that whatever you desire or want is not a big thing in God's eyes. He has a better plan, and a different plan for your life (Jer. 29:11-13). Trust that God's plan is more important than your own and that He is in control.
These decisions will affect how you respond when your wants and desires are not granted. If you find yourself contending with God, it may be because your heart is fixed on something other than God. That "something" is usually yourself. When you look at those disappointments from God's perspective it will change the focus to what God is accomplishing in your situation.
God changes your heart and your expectations and the result is joy! You will find your will in submission to His will and you will also see that you are content with the plans the Lord has for you. Your confidence will only grow and grow that He is for you and not against you.
It goes without saying that there are times you will also learn that God allows some problems to remain in your life for longer than you would like. Sometimes they are permanent! Paul learned this when he asked the Lord to remove the thorn in his flesh and he is reminded that the grace of God is sufficient to meet the need. Your circumstances may never change, and that will be ok. The point is that you grow through these times and learn the lessons the Master desires to teach you.
While in the midst of disappointments, set your heart on glorifying God through right responses and acceptance of His will for you. In this you will find joy!
Webster says that to disappoint is "to fail to fulfill the expectation, hope or desire of. To prevent the fulfillment of a hope or a plan."
All of our disappointments come in varied shapes and sizes. Some are small and seemingly trivial and others are huge and leave scars that take a long time to heal.
What is your response to disappointment? Do you accept it well? Do you pout and get angry? We are so easily swayed and turn away from God in these moments. Many times we don't realize it until we have gotten ourselves into such a mess...and then we don't know where to go. Usually, we complicate matters and go everywhere but to the Lord.
Psalm 118:8-9 says, "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in princes."
God is the only one who will never let us down. Scripture says "God is perfect" (Ps. 18:30) and He is the only one who will never disappoint us.
So when there is something that you truly believe is important, and does not come to pass you have a choice: You can accept that is thing (whatever it is) is not as important to God as it is to you, or you can get angry with God.
The wiser choice is to accept that whatever you desire or want is not a big thing in God's eyes. He has a better plan, and a different plan for your life (Jer. 29:11-13). Trust that God's plan is more important than your own and that He is in control.
These decisions will affect how you respond when your wants and desires are not granted. If you find yourself contending with God, it may be because your heart is fixed on something other than God. That "something" is usually yourself. When you look at those disappointments from God's perspective it will change the focus to what God is accomplishing in your situation.
God changes your heart and your expectations and the result is joy! You will find your will in submission to His will and you will also see that you are content with the plans the Lord has for you. Your confidence will only grow and grow that He is for you and not against you.
It goes without saying that there are times you will also learn that God allows some problems to remain in your life for longer than you would like. Sometimes they are permanent! Paul learned this when he asked the Lord to remove the thorn in his flesh and he is reminded that the grace of God is sufficient to meet the need. Your circumstances may never change, and that will be ok. The point is that you grow through these times and learn the lessons the Master desires to teach you.
While in the midst of disappointments, set your heart on glorifying God through right responses and acceptance of His will for you. In this you will find joy!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
The Perils of Hardheartedness
Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God. But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called “Today,” so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:12-13 (NASB)
I am an observer of trends. While I don't personally (typically) follow trends I see them on a daily basis in both my ministry and everyday life. An unfortunate trend I am observing among Christian women is the revelation of hardened hearts.
I am deeply concerned as I see the increasing levels of rebelliousness in the hearts of "Christian" and "churched" women. I have to ask myself what this means... Is it that our churches are no longer teaching on the perils of rebellion and disobedience to the Word of God? Is it that our women's Bible studies are watered down and void of anything resembling sound theology? Is it that these same kinds of studies have become small groups of women affirming a feelings based theology? Could it be that our older women (Titus 2) have abandoned their responsibilities to teach and train the younger women? Is it that the love for Jesus and truth in the hearts of many women has simply gone cold?
I think it is all of the above. I am sick at heart at the weak doctrine I hear is coming from many pulpits today. Pastors, who are charged with feeding their sheep solid Bible truth from the Word of God have in many cases traded their responsibility for the most recent church-growth gimmick. Fearful of upsetting attenders, the word "sin" is now taboo in many churches with many pastors opting to use words like "mistake" instead.
Traditional roles of men and woman are no longer taught either, out of fear of angering the more liberal women and out of a belief that those God-given roles are outdated and not applicable to our day and age. There is little teaching on the value associated with being a keeper at home. Submission is equated with abuse, marriage vows omit the words "obey" and "honor" and women are held to no standard other than "what feels good to me."
It is from these polluted springs that our women's Bible study curriculum's are flowing. Bible studies for women are often aimed at soothing the feelings of women who struggle because they may be violating the Scriptures. In these kinds of studies women are encouraged to learn how their temperament and personality affect their behavior, to be empowered in their churches and marriages, and offered 12 steps to victory in one area of life or another; all the while taking God's precious Word out of context, proof-texting, and using it to support sinful choices and decisions.
The sinful aspects of the heart are being indulged and supported by well meaning (but dangerously wrong) leaders who feel they are helping suffering, struggling women. How do I know this is true? Because I see them, one after another come through our counseling office. Hard hearts are revealed as women are leaving their husbands and even their children because they "feel God does not want me to live this way any more." Hard hearts are revealed as women rebel against their God-given roles and assuming God will bless their abandonment of home and family for something "more fulfilling" than house work and child training. Hard hearts are revealed as more and more women are opting for divorce and extra marital affairs (adultery!) because their husband is not the man they want him to be. They are living dangerously through the internet, connecting with long lost boyfriends and virtual strangers with whom they bare their hearts, becoming involved in emotional adultery if not eventual physical adultery.
We must return to the Word, to the Truth of the Bible for these trends to reverse. We need brave, courageous women with an understanding of theology to take up the mantle of responsibility and step forward to teach, rebuke, correct, and train women in righteousness. We need women who are willing to speak the truth in love, call sin "sin," and stand by Biblical principles regardless of how unpopular they may be among the masses.
Are you one of these women? If not, why not? I urge you to get educated and get in the trenches with me.
I am an observer of trends. While I don't personally (typically) follow trends I see them on a daily basis in both my ministry and everyday life. An unfortunate trend I am observing among Christian women is the revelation of hardened hearts.
I am deeply concerned as I see the increasing levels of rebelliousness in the hearts of "Christian" and "churched" women. I have to ask myself what this means... Is it that our churches are no longer teaching on the perils of rebellion and disobedience to the Word of God? Is it that our women's Bible studies are watered down and void of anything resembling sound theology? Is it that these same kinds of studies have become small groups of women affirming a feelings based theology? Could it be that our older women (Titus 2) have abandoned their responsibilities to teach and train the younger women? Is it that the love for Jesus and truth in the hearts of many women has simply gone cold?
I think it is all of the above. I am sick at heart at the weak doctrine I hear is coming from many pulpits today. Pastors, who are charged with feeding their sheep solid Bible truth from the Word of God have in many cases traded their responsibility for the most recent church-growth gimmick. Fearful of upsetting attenders, the word "sin" is now taboo in many churches with many pastors opting to use words like "mistake" instead.
Traditional roles of men and woman are no longer taught either, out of fear of angering the more liberal women and out of a belief that those God-given roles are outdated and not applicable to our day and age. There is little teaching on the value associated with being a keeper at home. Submission is equated with abuse, marriage vows omit the words "obey" and "honor" and women are held to no standard other than "what feels good to me."
It is from these polluted springs that our women's Bible study curriculum's are flowing. Bible studies for women are often aimed at soothing the feelings of women who struggle because they may be violating the Scriptures. In these kinds of studies women are encouraged to learn how their temperament and personality affect their behavior, to be empowered in their churches and marriages, and offered 12 steps to victory in one area of life or another; all the while taking God's precious Word out of context, proof-texting, and using it to support sinful choices and decisions.
The sinful aspects of the heart are being indulged and supported by well meaning (but dangerously wrong) leaders who feel they are helping suffering, struggling women. How do I know this is true? Because I see them, one after another come through our counseling office. Hard hearts are revealed as women are leaving their husbands and even their children because they "feel God does not want me to live this way any more." Hard hearts are revealed as women rebel against their God-given roles and assuming God will bless their abandonment of home and family for something "more fulfilling" than house work and child training. Hard hearts are revealed as more and more women are opting for divorce and extra marital affairs (adultery!) because their husband is not the man they want him to be. They are living dangerously through the internet, connecting with long lost boyfriends and virtual strangers with whom they bare their hearts, becoming involved in emotional adultery if not eventual physical adultery.
We must return to the Word, to the Truth of the Bible for these trends to reverse. We need brave, courageous women with an understanding of theology to take up the mantle of responsibility and step forward to teach, rebuke, correct, and train women in righteousness. We need women who are willing to speak the truth in love, call sin "sin," and stand by Biblical principles regardless of how unpopular they may be among the masses.
Are you one of these women? If not, why not? I urge you to get educated and get in the trenches with me.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The Greatest Need in Counseling
If you are a person that other's gravitate toward for help and assistance in solving life's problems you already know that people come with a variety of problems. Contrary to popular thinking, the greatest need of a counselee is not always an answer to their problem! Rather, the greatest need is to learn to interprit their problems from a biblical perspective (1 Cor. 10:13). We all need consistant reminders that our problems are not unique, but common to man.
We need those reminders that God has His finger on the pulse of our everyday lives and nothing escapes His notice. He is intimately aware of our trials and our triumphs and He knows the end of every story. That alone is encouraging! When things seem hopeless to me and the problems appear to be greater than any possible solution I am very comforted by the truth that God is sovereign and in charge. God knows the way through our trials and aches and difficult circumstances.
Our problems multiply as we try to get around God's truth and God's way for dealing with our stuff and label our sin as something other than sin. We seek to legitimize it, put a decent face on it, and gain sympathy and understanding from others as a result of it.
To help others (or ourselves) we have to ask the right questions if we want to arrive at the right conclusions. A right question would be, "Is this some dysfunction or mental illness, or is it an outflow of some sin I am involved in?" Much of the stuff labeled with psychiatric terminology is the result of unrepentant sin in a person's life. Just for a few examples, let's look at the label "addictive personality disorder." The Bible would call it idolatry because one person is worshiping another or they are worshiping the created thing rather than the Creator. The person who is said to have "intermittant explosive disorder" is actually struggling with sinful anger! Having the biblical persepective on our problems is the best place to start.
Rather than thinking there is no hope in a given situation, we must reorient our thoughts Godward and ask questions like, "Where is God in my trial?" or "How does God see this situation or circumstance?"
So often we believe we need things or a particular person to make us happy or to fix our circumstances. We must begin to ask ourselves what our true need is as we walk through the valley of suffering. The only answer is that God is enough in every trial and every sorrow.
Lest you think that I speak glibly about this I want to assure you that I have endured severe trials of my own in which I had to practice what I preach! The most difficult part of this is to deny myself the immediate relief that comes with bowing before whatever worthless idol I set up to meet my felt needs. Like everyone else, I have succumbed to pragmatism from time to time. I have sought my own way trying quick fixes just be done with the problems because I believed I could not stand it any longer!
All that resulted from those attempts at circumventing the lessons in God's classroom was a return trip at a later date and time. God intends that we build character in these valleys, and that we experience growth in character and Christ-likeness as a result of the lessons learned. He also is imparting wisdom and discernment to us along the way.
This is the reason we have to begin with the right questions that are centered around God and His Word. To begin anywhere else will bring us to the wrong conclusions and lead us off-course.
We need those reminders that God has His finger on the pulse of our everyday lives and nothing escapes His notice. He is intimately aware of our trials and our triumphs and He knows the end of every story. That alone is encouraging! When things seem hopeless to me and the problems appear to be greater than any possible solution I am very comforted by the truth that God is sovereign and in charge. God knows the way through our trials and aches and difficult circumstances.
Our problems multiply as we try to get around God's truth and God's way for dealing with our stuff and label our sin as something other than sin. We seek to legitimize it, put a decent face on it, and gain sympathy and understanding from others as a result of it.
To help others (or ourselves) we have to ask the right questions if we want to arrive at the right conclusions. A right question would be, "Is this some dysfunction or mental illness, or is it an outflow of some sin I am involved in?" Much of the stuff labeled with psychiatric terminology is the result of unrepentant sin in a person's life. Just for a few examples, let's look at the label "addictive personality disorder." The Bible would call it idolatry because one person is worshiping another or they are worshiping the created thing rather than the Creator. The person who is said to have "intermittant explosive disorder" is actually struggling with sinful anger! Having the biblical persepective on our problems is the best place to start.
Rather than thinking there is no hope in a given situation, we must reorient our thoughts Godward and ask questions like, "Where is God in my trial?" or "How does God see this situation or circumstance?"
So often we believe we need things or a particular person to make us happy or to fix our circumstances. We must begin to ask ourselves what our true need is as we walk through the valley of suffering. The only answer is that God is enough in every trial and every sorrow.
Lest you think that I speak glibly about this I want to assure you that I have endured severe trials of my own in which I had to practice what I preach! The most difficult part of this is to deny myself the immediate relief that comes with bowing before whatever worthless idol I set up to meet my felt needs. Like everyone else, I have succumbed to pragmatism from time to time. I have sought my own way trying quick fixes just be done with the problems because I believed I could not stand it any longer!
All that resulted from those attempts at circumventing the lessons in God's classroom was a return trip at a later date and time. God intends that we build character in these valleys, and that we experience growth in character and Christ-likeness as a result of the lessons learned. He also is imparting wisdom and discernment to us along the way.
This is the reason we have to begin with the right questions that are centered around God and His Word. To begin anywhere else will bring us to the wrong conclusions and lead us off-course.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Stinkin' Thinkin'
As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7 (NLT)
There is no doubt that thoughts direct the course of our lives. We base our actions on what we are thinking at the moment and over longer periods of time.
Our thought life is a critical aspect to change discontent in life because what we think or believe about various things will determine how we respond to them. Our thoughts form our opinions, create our belief system, and fan the flame of our desires. What we think determines our emotional mood and causes us to have various feelings.
Our thoughts precede our emotions; our emotions and desires are a result of our thought life. For example, people who struggle with discontent will think about how things are not the way they want them to be. They believe they are entitled to something different, something better. These thoughts breed feelings of unhappiness, anger, envy, and jealousy.
The thoughts lead to actions, sulking, crying, angry outbursts, whining and other kinds of things that people do when they are discontent.
This produces fruit of discontent.
For example, Paul says that love of money is the root of all kinds of evils. Money serves as an example that most of us can readily identify with since we often see money as THE tool to get us to our personal Utopia which is why coveting money seems to something most of us wish for. Having said that Paul could just as easily said "the love of something other than Christ is the root of all kinds of evil).
This means that the fruit of discontent does not appear in isolation from other bad fruit. If the root of discontent is craving (a loving) for more power, more (loving) control, more (loving) approval, more (loving) pleasure then we can expect more bad fruit than just an overall sensation of never being quite satisfied.
Imagine for a moment the limbs on one of your backyard trees. Each limb has a number of smaller limbs, some larger than others but all produce leaves or fruit. The root system of a tree is similar to the above ground limb system of a tree with each root having a number of tentacles.
The fruit on a tree is the result of the quality of the root system and if discontent is obviously present we can expect a number of different tentacles within the root system that eventually manifest themselves as more bad fruit. In other words, there are within the root system many idols and serving those idols produces other bad fruits on the tree related to discontent.
Discontent can come from a heart of envy. I want something that someone else has. It's comparison via others and wondering why we have not been so blessed.
- I wish my kids were like her kids.
- If only my husband were more like hers.
- She has a job she loves, why can't I?
- She is really popular, why not me?
- I am not happy with my looks and wish I looked like her.
- I am not as smart as her or as successful as she is.
You get the picture?
At first glance it looks as if discontent is the main thing to repent of and certainly it is a significant presenting problem as you've seen from all the bad fruit produced.
When a person is discontent, she is allowing her desires to rule her life. This will begin to govern your relationship with other people and it may become the motivation for other sin. You will become a covetous person, wanting what you see other people have.
The desire is coveting, a craving for something unlawful or a godly desire that has become a demand and it's all born out of the worship of another God. Because of the way that coveting values a particular thing over trust in and obedience to the Lord as the provider, it is also a breach of the first commandment, which the apostle Paul makes clear when he refers to coveting as idolatry (Eph. 5:5; Col. 3:5).
This is why there must be repentance at a deeper level, repentance in the root system.
(Thanks to my friend Pastor Bruce Roeder for his outline on The Discontented Heart, from which today's post is drawn)
Friday, October 7, 2011
Christ and Contentment
In addition to what we have looked at in our previous postings, contentment is also rooted in how we see our present circumstances.
Your perception is your reality. How you perceive things to be is how they are to you, no matter who tells you different! If you see your situation as hopeless and never changing you will most certainly be discontent. Rather than focusing on you, again look to Jesus as the example:
fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2
Jesus did not focus on the torture of the cross; He looked past it to the joy of what would be accomplished by the cross. He did not focus on Himself; He focused on our redemption, our forgiveness, our reconciliation with God that would come only by His actions. Jesus focused on seeking God and the things of God. It was enough for Him to have food, water, and a place to lay his head at night in this world. Nothing else of the world mattered to Him.
Is that enough for us? Or are we busy seeking all this earthly stuff that we believe we have to have to make us happy and content? We have become so earthly minded in our country of abundant goods! Every wish and whim is available to us from literally any place on the globe for the right sum of money. We seek after many of the wrong things, and become discontent when we cannot have them.
Our desires will never be satisfied with earthly treasures or goods. There is always just one more thing that we think we need… We pursue the wrong solutions for our struggles too…
Drugs, alcohol, sex, a new woman or man, a new job, new home… and now of course we have psychotropic medications as the supposed solution to feeling better.
If only I had…
If only I did…
If only I didn’t…
Contentment resides in the heart.
Jeremiah Burrough’s says, “You must learn to know your own hearts well, to be good students of your own hearts. By studying your heart you will come soon to discover wherein your discontent lies.” In other words as the cartoon strip Pogo says, “We have met the enemy and he is us!”
So many counselee’s want to blame all their problems on Satan. We want to believe that we have so much goodness residing within us that to turn our hearts in the direction of discontent that Satan must come and afflict us as he did Job.
I am here to tell you that Jer. 17:9 reminds us that there is enough wickedness and self-deception residing within each one of us that Satan does not have to bother with us much…
We are discontent because we want more of all the wrong things.
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