"Cougar" Moms and their Daughters

I knew the title would get you today! On my Facebook feeder there was recently a link to an article about how it is not a good thing for daughters to be close friends with their moms.  I read the article and have linked it here for you, but I warn you, it is from Huffington so it is not Christian. 

Some of the points the author makes are valid.  There do seem to be a number of women trying to live their lives over through their young adult daughters these days.  Mom's who are more "friend" than parent at the point in the child's life when they need a mother more than a friend do not do their daughter's any good.  Young children need that structure and common sense counsel from a mom who is willing to tell them that "good girls don't" and to help them make other life decisions.  This is in contrast with the mom's mentioned in the linked article who are still choosing their 27 year old daughters clothes and makeup. 

The whole idea of the "Cougar Mom" is also very disconcerting to me.  Mother's and daughters should not be dating in the same age bracket (or the same man ..er..boy!) is my thought. I don't watch any of those television programs that are mentioned in that article, but if that is being promoted on those shows it would not surprise me one bit. 

I did have an extraordinary relationship with my Mom and would encourage other women to do so too. What I have posted below is from a eulogy I wrote for her when she went home to Jesus in 2009: 

My mom taught me how to be a wife and a mom, and I think that is her lasting legacy in my life. It was because of what I saw in her that I really only ever wanted to be a wife and mother rather then pursue college or a career. I watched how much she absolutely loved everything about both of those things and it made me want what she had. Mom loved to cook and bake and clean the house. She loved and excelled at the tasks many women frowned on. To her they were not drudgery, they were love. She fussed over the details of meals, making sure all the colors were on the plate. She loved to make the food look nice on the plate. When it was time to plan the Christmas or Easter meals, she would plan out every detail. She had a pile of cookbooks and would pour over them looking for ideas.

She loved gadgets and had just about every one there was. Not many people can boast they have an electric potato peeler! Sometimes she would buy something for the kitchen just because it was cute!

My mom was sacrificial. I remember her buying something for me that I only wanted and forgoing something for herself that she may have needed. Many people have commented on how we have cared for our parents during mom's illness, and this too is a testimony to things that were instilled in us.

My mom was one of my best friends. She and I just hung out together. We enjoyed many of the same things and until the past few years we spent many hours a week together. We made Christmas ornaments, cookies, painted things, shopped together and ate at our favorite Red Lobster whenever we could.

She is a part of me, in more ways than the usual mother-daughter relationship. I valued her opinion and perspective and I learned so much from her. Her influence in my life cannot be overstated nor can it be replaced.

My kids tell me all the time that I am the best mom ever...if that is the case, it is because I learned it from you, the best mom ever.

We did have a wonderful and close relationship with appropriate boundaries and freedom to be ourselves.  If I had a daughter, I would hope she could say these things about me one day. If you have a daughter, make it your life's work to pour into her the best of you and one day she will thank you.  

If you are a daughter who is not close to her mom, I urge you in the strongest way possible to do everything in your power to have a relationship with her.  I know there are often times that is not possible for a variety of reasons, but if it is at all possible to do so without bringing additional harm and pain into your life- do it.