And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. Matthew 7:3-5 (NLT)
When a relationship is broken it is our natural tendency to point to the other person and place the blame on them. They said or did something we don't like and this is how we justify our anger toward them. It is preferable to look somewhere other than at ourselves. When this becomes the way of handling every conflict a self-righteous attitude will develop.
When a person wants to address the reason for fractured relationships they must begin with themselves. The examination process begins right at home by asking the Lord to reveal the contents of your heart. Ask Him to show you how you have sinned against others (Psalm 139:23-24). You may be wondering why begin with your heart and how you have sinned. Re-read the Matthew 7 passage carefully…Jesus tells those who prefer to begin with how they have been sinned against rather than deal with their own culpability that they are hypocrites!
It is highly unlikely that you have no responsibility before God in your difficult relationships. If nothing else, your responses to being maligned and rejected may not be glorifying to God. What the Scripture says is true, confession of your own sin and repentance for that sin must take place in your heart first.
Some women wonder what they have done that is to be confessed and repented of, because they truly are blind to their own sin. A few common things people do are:slandering the other person in the conflict, curse or swear at them, withhold affection, deny intimacy, pick fights or be argumentative. Others are more malicious and break things or refuse to render aid or help.
Now let me say at this point that not all women do these things, and the point of the list is to help you to see the depths of your own sin, to prick your conscience or to make you aware of some things you did not realize you were doing. You must deal with your own sin.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT)