Hurt, Pain, and Rejection

If you have ever been rejected you will both benefit from and be affected by todays post.  The pain of rejection goes so deeply that at times it feels as though it could split you in half and wash you away, and no one likes to be hurt like that! When it happens, pride is affected and the sinful heart determines, "No one is going to treat me that way!"

I truly believe that the pain of rejection can only be righteously resolved through the application of biblical principle to the heart and life of the person who has been hurt. Rejection is such a deeply personal hurt because often it is not our deeds or actions that are rejected, it is us as people, and our very personhood is what seems to disqualify us from being a part of the life of that person. There is little we can do when someone finds our very existence unacceptable to them or too distasteful for them to be around.

The inborn response of the heart when you are rejected is to become angry at the one who has hurt you so deeply. The anger is very deeply rooted and can even become dangerous if left to remain and fester.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Ephesians 4:31(NASB)

Scripture tells us that bitterness is what ensues when the anger that comes from the pain of rejection is not dealt with biblically. And bitterness is a disastrous fruit. Bitterness results from believing that the one who sinned against them is not sorry and is not going to ask forgiveness. The wrath that flows from the wounded heart is what determines someone is going to pay for how I have been hurt and what destroys all possibility of future a relationship with that person.

Every day the rejected and wounded person decides to keep that bitterness alive in their heart by revisiting the hurt. They replay the memories of the rejection over and over in their mind. Sometimes they determine that everyone around them must hear of what has been done to them, and gossip and slander and every kind of evil speaking flow like a river from their heart. A malicious spirit develops within this person and in the end; they become the very thing they hated.

Often, God is blamed for not intervening in the matter and they become bitter toward God because they believe He will not punish the people who hurt them, God is not hearing their plea, or He does not care about their plight. Since God isn't going to avenge them, they take matters into their own hands.

The thinking becomes circular and the more they dwell on what has been done to them, the injustices they have suffered, or the loss they have incurred, the deeper the root of bitterness goes.

It is important to understand that God allows these circumstances in the lives of His children. He uses all events in our lives to make us more like Christ. Our response to attack and accusations and rejection needs to follow the pattern set forth in Scripture.

So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. Colossians 3:12-15 (NASB)

Are You Struggling to Overcome?

There are times when a counselee seems to be unable to overcome a sin issue even though they have learned the truth and understand the truth.  This is always puzzling to me as a counselor because I have complete confidence in the Word of God to address every problem of life.  

I am not one to support the saying of “the devil made me do it” but as a believer in all that the Bible has to say I do not deny the reality that there is an invisible realm in which the forces of good and evil exist. It is in this realm that spiritual warfare takes place for Kingdoms and countries. It is in the human heart that spiritual warfare takes place in the Christian’s life.

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. 2 Corinthians 10:3-4 (NASB)

What does it mean when a counselee is seemingly unable to overcome a sin habit such as anger, or using pornography, or swearing? It is spiritual warfare?

The reality is the Believer is always involved in spiritual warfare! Our flesh is strong and is made stronger as we are influenced by the world and cooperate with the Devil as he operates in this sphere. The Spirit of God indwells the regenerated person as well and this sets up an ongoing battle in the heart and mind of each of us. The battle is evidence of a changed life for there is no conflict in the inner man of the unregenerate heart.

For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. Galatians 5:17 (NASB)

Many are fooled into believing they have no control over their actions; that they are incapable of staying away from pornography or exploding in anger or swearing. This is self-deception and excuse making at its finest. It is so much easier to shift the blame for sinful behavior over to the Devil than it is to take responsibility for your actions, isn’t it?

Note what Paul says at the end of Galatians 5:17, “so that you may not do the things that you please.”

 This goes hand in glove with what is said elsewhere in Scripture

…lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit… Ephesians 4:22b (NASB)

…make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts. Romans 13:14b (NASB)

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts, and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness  Romans 6:12,13 (NASB)

“Lust” is the result of what a person thinks about, and desires (longs for) in their heart.  As the lusts are indulged over and over the sinful thoughts and responses become a pattern of life, and a part of their normal behavior. Angry responses and other sinful actions become automatic behaviors that are default positions for the individual. A person who has a difficult time overcoming a sinful habit is most likely giving themselves permission to act in that same sinful pattern. 

While there are occasions when the person is conscious of granting themselves permission to act sinfully, many counselee’s report that it “just happens” before they realize it.

The key to overcoming these kinds of sinful automatic behaviors is to admit the real problem is not the behavior you exhibit, but the heart issues behind that behavior. What motivates the sin is in the heart and that is where the first change has to occur. 

Are You Blind?

For years I worked in the medical field that specializes in eyes. People needing surgery for cataracts, laser surgery for blurry vision, or those wanting to have the procedure that eliminates most of the need for glasses or contact lenses were a part of my everyday life.

After their procedures most everyone would exclaim, “I cannot believe how well I can see!”

Many people come to counseling blinded by worldly wisdom and sin.  As a counselor my obligation is to open up the Scriptures for the counselee and help them to see the truth about their situation in light of the cross. 

There are people who know what the Word of God says; they know some of the Ten Commandments, and they have at some point in life heard people talk about right and wrong and following the “golden rule” but they have no idea how to do what is right. Most have no idea that how they are living is completely wrong from a biblical perspective so they need to be taught.

But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised. 1 Corinthians 2:14 (NASB)

A person who is unregenerate has no idea how to understand or apply the Bible because its precious truths are not open to them! Scripture says they are spiritually dead (Eph. 2:1a, 5a) and cannot understand the spiritual truths of the Bible because dead people cannot comprehend! Where there is no life there is no ability, and Scripture makes it clear that this is the reason so many people struggle in understanding the Bible and applying its truths to their lives. This is why many people cannot change.

To the unbeliever the Bible carries one consistent message: “Repent of your sins, and believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved.” (Acts 2:38, Romans 10:9,13)

When a person is regenerate they have been enabled by the Holy Spirit to understand the Scriptures but many have an erroneous understanding of how to interpret them or how to act on them.

Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God, which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words. 1 Corinthians 2:12, 13 (NASB)

Believers have been enabled by God to see and understand things that are intended for His children alone. The Bible contains messages about daily living for those who believe by faith in God and the atoning death of Jesus Christ for the sins of the world.

They must first believe that the Bible is the inspired and inerrant Word of God. I think this answers the “Why” question that so many people have posed when someone who professes to be a Christian reveals no lasting change in their life.

All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. 1 Timothy 3:16, 17 (NASB)

The Biblical solution to spiritual ignorance is to teach a person the truth. God’s Word driven into the heart by the Holy Spirit does not fail to impact the life of the disciple of Christ. Allow me to repeat, the Word of God does not fail to change the life of the person who reads it, meditates upon its truths, and makes them a part of their daily life. When no change in life is evident there is a reason, and it is not a failure on the part of God or the Bible. When there is a failure to change the question of regeneration must be considered. Asking such a question is not judging or condemning, it may be a very loving act on your part. 

Those Who Have Hurt You

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-21 (NASB)

As a person begins to accept the pain of being a victim they can (and must) come to the place where by the power of the Holy Spirit they are able to forgive the offender.  In forgiving, the hurting heart turns over to God the responsibility for recompense. To be clear, this does not mean the hurt person offers forgiveness to the one who is unrepentant if they have not asked to be forgiven.  

What this means in daily life is the offended person must surrender their perceived right to revenge of any kind. This can be incredibly difficult, especially when the pain is enormous and raw and your heart may be broken by loss or betrayal of some kind.  But God makes it possible! In fact, it is not only possible to do; you can actually forgive with joy!

You may have been the victim of horrible people who have sought to take everything you value in life. Perhaps you have longed for revenge and went so far as to meditate on ways to retaliate against the person who hurt you. You have most likely realized that this kind of thinking fosters the anger you have in your heart and the more you think about how hurt you are the angrier you get!

While righteousness might be restraining you from ever acting out your thoughts of revenge against the person who hurt you; in your heart you commit murder daily.  I understand wanting revenge, wanting to strike back, wanting to inflict pain even though there may be no way you can ever repay enough evil for evil. I promise you, it will eat you up inside. You will become hateful in your heart and anger will be your constant companion.

When you determine to obey the conviction of the Holy Spirit there may be a mixture of relief and fear and discomfort. You will experience relief because in Christ there is a part of you that really does not want to live like that anymore. You will have a measure of fear that somehow you will not be avenged; that those who hurt you me will “get away with it.” You might have discomfort because and revisit feelings of abuse all over again for a short while.

When you begin to speak truth to yourself about what God says in the Word, and remind yourself that God is never late, and He is just and faithful to do what He says He will do it will become much easier to let it go and place it your hurt and anger and desire for revenge in His hands.

You must believe that one day God will avenge the wrong done to you. There is no sin that goes unpunished; there is always a price to be paid. What I am asking you to consider is that it is possible God has already exacted the penalty from the wrongdoer who sinned against you. It is possible He already has done so in Christ. It is possible that Christ has already paid the penalty for that sin their sin debt has been paid in full. It is possible that they have received grace and mercy and are now your sibling in Christ.

You have to remember that while you might believe they don’t deserve forgiveness, neither do you. While they don’t deserve mercy, neither do you! It is all of grace, and nothing else. The ground is level at the foot of the cross where all forgiven debtors stand, shoulder to shoulder praising our awesome and forgiving God.

To Die Daily

“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.” (Galatians 2:20 NASB)

Living a crucified life means I die to the worldly things I once loved. Through an act of my will I decide to exchange those corruptible things for incorruptible things that have eternal value. The reality is that there is an inevitable void that develops in the flesh when we first start willingly setting our fleshly and worldly desires aside. Unless we are immersing ourselves in Him and His Word other fleshly desires come marching in to swiftly fill that void. Sometimes they are new things; a computer game, television program, new book to read, or some other distraction. Sometimes they are old sinful “friends” that we thought we were rid of; habits and lusts that were once conquered or maybe just set aside in favor of a new distraction. 

Often we use these things in attempt to make ourselves feel valued and worthwhile. These things don’t have to be necessarily bad they can be as benign as working or exercising or a sport or other activity you enjoy that makes you “feel good.” However, when done to excess you may find those things are once again replacing what really matters, your love and devotion to Christ. 

Christ must be the centerpiece of all we do, the Master of our thoughts, the owner of our souls, and the love of our lives. Until He is in practice as well as proclamation all of these things we will continue to struggle and hurt and kick and scream in failure. He demands to own all of who we are because He paid for all we are! He did not only purchase our hands and feet He purchased our mind, soul, and most importantly our hearts.

He desires that we use what He has redeemed to bring Him honor and glory in our daily lives. This is a sacrifice and the Lord is honored as His people choose this path in the midst of all the other options we are presented with.  It is so much easier and more comfortable to go with the flow and blend in with the people we are surrounded with!

A life of sacrifice, laying yourself on the altar and being His woman at His disposal is much harder to maintain. It is difficult with the Lord and the grace He provides, and impossible without the ministry of the Holy Spirit and the hiding of the Word of God in your heart. The cost is so high and the flesh is still so strong that we are unable to provide enough self-will and motivation to make it happen.

For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace. Romans 6:14 

Immorality of the Heart

Unless you live in a cave there are things you and I as Christian’s are going to have to face. We live in a highly sexualized culture where women are often treated as objects of sexual gratification and children are sold for sexual pleasure. There appears to be little that is private and morality seems to have taken an extended holiday.

I have seen the effects of all kinds of sexual sin in my counseling office, in churches, and among people I know and love.

You need to know this: sexual sin is pervasive and invasive. If it were a person, it would not care about your income, race, color or creed.  Sexual sin is a captor and it takes hostages. You also need to know there is hope.

Some women have been involved in watching pornography or other lewd voyeuristic behaviors such as going to strip clubs. Others have spouses who have committed adultery- physical adultery by having sexual contact with another woman or emotional adultery by being involved with another woman without sexual contact.

No matter what kind of adultery your spouse has committed when you learned of it your life was changed, your world tilted off of its axis, and you realized nothing would ever be the same again.

Despite what your husband has done I want you to hear me clearly when I tell you that adultery does not have to ruin your life or your marriage. Adultery is a sinful act that was done by your husband and it does not define who you are.

For many reading this it is too late. You have learned your husband has been involved in some aspect of sexual immorality and you are reading this blog looking for help, healing, and hope. You have no idea what to do with the heartache that has claimed your life. Others have not yet experienced the heartache of his sin and you may be wondering what to look for, or how you will know he is straying.

Historically, sexual issues have been considered a man’s domain. It is critical that you understand that sexual immorality is not just for men any more. Women are also struggling in growing numbers with many of the same issues men do, and for the very same reasons.

Why is it that people are not gripped by all sins to the same degree? What separates us? What makes one person what the world calls an addict, and the other a casual consumer? One day, science may have an answer, but to date there is nothing scientific that proves there is anything medical going on inside the body of an addict that makes them different than anyone else.

Many Christians involved in sexual immorality genuinely want to stop. They know it is wrong, and when they are not tempted they want to stop. They also are disgusted by their behaviors when they are able to think about them objectively.

It is important you realize that sexual immorality (adultery) does not happen in a vacuum.  I don’t think there is ever a day that a man or woman wakes up and says, “I think I will go and be sexually immoral today.” There is always some underlying issue of the heart that begins long before he ever takes the step of physical adultery or clicking on that porn site on the computer.

The human heart is set on gratifying self, this is a universal truth and it applies to everyone. Those who have been regenerated by Christ and are fortunate to be in a good church are taught that they are to deny themselves, life is not about them, and they are to live and use their lives to glorify God. However, we are still sinners and often we struggle with the gargantuan desires of the flesh. Ephesians 4:18-19 says sinful desires make a person’s heart hard to the truth of God’s commands and can lead even a Christian to act as an unbeliever does.

People give a variety of reasons for sexual immorality and adultery; too many to list actually! Whatever the reason given you must understand there is really only one reason; they have a sinful heart. 

Christ, Your Rescue

Even in emotional suffering Christ is sufficient. The danger of being lured away by worldly philosophies is it causes us to refocus on temporal things, and to loose our desire and vision for God.

My Pastor says, “Once we lose our vision for God, who He is, what He has done through His Son Jesus Christ, we get a vision for something else. God is put on the shelf, an abstraction. Christ’s work on the Cross becomes a footnote in history that has application when I die but is irrelevant now.”

Has this ever happened to you? Have you lost your focus on Christ and begun to look at temporary situations as all there is? I want to redirect you today from focusing on yourself, and your situation, the things that get you down, and cause you to feel bad to focusing on Christ in the Bible.

In the NASB the terms “in Him” appear 94 times. The terms “with Him” are there 114 times. If something is mentioned that many times, it has got to mean something! So let us look today at Him and discover some of the realities about Jesus. It is inevitable that we relate some of them to ourselves but it is important that you understand that these things are true about Him regardless of how they do or don’t affect you.

. …in Him you have been made complete… Jesus is able, by virtue of who He is to make us complete. I have heard women and men say of their spouse, “He/She completes me.” While I have no doubt that we can find someone who so matches our personality that it seems that we are incomplete without them the only One who can truly complete you is Christ.

Remember that you are born with that God-shaped void in your spirit. You and I were born sinners, spiritually dead, without life, unable to do anything about it at all. We are helpless and as hard as we may try, as many good deeds as we may do we are still insufficient and incomplete without Christ.

Who else in the history of all the world can make a person complete? No one but Jesus.

When we are complete in Him, we are also immediately positionally secure. This means that no matter how you may feel about it God says that you are secure. Recently I was watching the hurricane recovery efforts in the south, and I watched a man being hoisted into a helicopter in the arms of a rescuer. The man had some security line around him, and he was being held tightly by the other man but I can only imagine that he was a little concerned about how secure he truly was as he was lifted hundreds of feet in the air.

The man who is the rescuer knows exactly how secure his charge is. He knows what it takes to rescue him, and he has done all that is necessary to harness the man in. Regardless of how that man being rescued feels, he is safe.

Jesus knew exactly what was needed to rescue you and He went the whole distance. He did not stop short of the necessary sacrifice to secure your eternal destiny. This is why as he hung on the cross he cried, “It is finished!” because all that needed to be done was done.

He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. 2 Corinthians 5:21 (NASB)

You and I cannot add nor subtract from that in any way because we did not do it! Our salvation was monergistic meaning it was a work done by One. We are passive in this process because we have been saved by someone else. Just like that man could not get up into that helicopter alone; you cannot get saved from your sin without Christ for He is your rescue.

Under No Obligation

Being list and detail oriented is a blessing…and a curse. God has gifted me administratively and by His grace I use this gift to minister to others.

I have a PHD in details. PHD as in Piled Higher and Deeper. Occasionally, the details could swamp me if I let them. When I find myself being overtaken by all life brings my way my emotions threaten to take over and throw me about. I want to give up, I want to run away, and I do not believe I can handle another thing.

These are times when I realize (hindsight) I am trusting in myself and in my own power and ability to make it, and that is a deadly mistake! Jesus Christ is the “power source” of the believer’s sufficiency and perseverance. Because of Him I will persevere and I will grow in my faith because I have received all that it is necessary to sustain me through these trials and to eternal life through the power of Christ.

To experience the reality of my position, I must closely identify myself with Christ. It is in Him that I “…might walk in newness of life.” (Romans 6:1-4) This means I must put on in practice who I am In Christ… 

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. (Galatians 2:20) 

This means that the part of me that had to sin is dead and gone and lives no more! That verse means that I am no longer under the obligation to sin- ever. 

Before I was saved, before I was crucified with Christ I was under obligation to the flesh, I literally had no choice but to sin! (Non posse non peccare Lat. Means: It is not possible to not sin) But now I have the ability to refuse to sin (posse non peccare Lat. ability not to sin)

I pray this brings you incredible hope today! You have the ability to refuse to sin, even in the midst of trials, discomfort, pain, misery, sorrow, disaster, and anything else you can think of. You and I have been thoroughly equipped to say “no” to the flesh when we are tempted to sin because we are “in Christ!”

I pray earnestly that you will grasp what I am saying here! I am showing you the freedom you have to live life above the discouragement and sorrow of this world. Not that you will be sorrow free, none of us will ever be that but in Christ we can face these worldly difficulties with a godly perspective.

Christianity offers more than “just Christ” – it offers life, freedom from performance driven living, freedom from condemnation, freedom from shame and guilt of sin.

“Without Christ you have nothing. With Christ you have everything.”

Faith Triumphs Feelings

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. Genesis 50:20 (NASB)

Joseph’s brothers meant evil against Joseph just as Satan sought to harm Job (Job 1). God set limits as to how far Satan could go in that harm, and He set limits upon Joseph’s brothers’ schemes to harm him. Joseph, like Job, understood God’s sovereign control and His limitations on secondary causes such as Satan, the sins of people, and even natural disasters. 

In Joseph’s case we see that Joseph saw how God let things run their course to accomplish some greater goal that was invisible to Joseph—when he was in the pit, when he was falsely accused by Potiphar’s wife, and when he was in prison for a crime he did not commit. God used all of those circumstances behind the scenes to accomplish something that brings glory to Himself—the figurative salvation of many people who would starve without Joseph’s intervention forgiveness of his brothers.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 (NASB)

To understand Romans 8:28, we must first understand that every book in the Bible is somehow about Christ and God’s plan in redemptive history. With this is mind, we see that Joseph in many ways parallels Jesus Christ in the New Tes­tament and serves as a type of Christ, that is, a type of Savior In other words, in the story of Joseph, who saved his people from physical hun­ger, we see a picture of the coming Christ who would save His people from their spiritual poverty and hunger.

Romans 8:28 does not tell us that all things are good. It tells us that God uses all things for the good of those who love Him. While we, like Job and Joseph, often do not understand exactly how God does this one thing, we can be sure that He uses these things to help us become more like Christ.

In the end, Job repented of questioning God, he was humble, thus reflecting the nature of Christ, who humbled Himself (Phil. 2:6-8) so that those who believe will be saved.

Joseph forgave those who sinned against him, thus reflecting the forgiveness of Christ when he died on the cross.

The doctrine of God’s absolute sovereignty ought to be a great comfort to us because we know God is using all of our circumstances, and all of our trials to help us become more like Christ in our responses to these troubles. God promises us that whatever the circumstance we need not sin in re­sponse to it, and that we will, by His grace, be able to endure it.

Once we understand that God is in absolute control of each and every situation, we can step out in faith and trust Him because God will allow nothing to detract from His glory; and he will allow nothing to detract from the ultimate good of His people. Romans 8:28-29 is a promise. It’s a promise that no matter what happens, we can be assured that God is working behind the scenes for the ulti­mate good for those that truly love Him.

This is why when faced with adversity; our faith must triumph over our feel­ings. There is purpose in our adversities; and while we may not totally under­stand the bigger picture, we can understand that God is using all things to make us more like Jesus (Rom.8:29).

Heart Attack!

Today we are attacking the heart.  The Bible tells us that the heart of man is sinful and wicked.  Contrary to the world's sage wisdom it cannot be trusted to guide us or give us good or wise counsel. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own under­standing... Proverbs 3:5 (NASB)

You must realize the heart has been affected by the fall. What Adam and Eve did in the Garden killed us. The human heart has been badly affected...devastatingly affected... deadly affected. Look what the Apostle Paul says,  

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 (NIV)

But in realizing just how bad the bad news is, we also recognize there is hope. There is hope for sinful man and his bad heart. There is hope for the person who has truly received Christ as Savior and Lord. The Bible declares that a person who has been “born-again” has a new heart that did not previously exist.

Therefore, if any man is in Christ he is a new creature, the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come.  2 Corinthians 5:17 (NASB)

This means that the Holy Spirit will apply re­demption to your hearts; thus, enabling you to live a life pleasing to Him as you put off your old habits of the heart and put on new habits of the heart.

Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23 (NASB)

And I will give you a new heart with new and right desires, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony heart of sin and give you a new, obedient heart. Ezekiel 36:26 (NLT)

For all have sinned; all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Romans 3:23 (NLT)

Psalm 51 is the account of David “a man after God’s own heart” who sinned greatly in his life. Take a few minutes and read this Psalm in your own Bible.  You will see that this wise man recognized that he was in deep trouble. He knew his sin had separated him from God. It wasn’t just the sin he committed at that time, but he admits he “was born a sinner.” He understands there will be judgment for his sin and he asks for pardon from his sins, for redemption, salvation.

First Corinthians 6:9-10 tell us that because of all their sin the unsaved will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NIV)

To not “inherit the kingdom of God” means that you will be eternally separated from Him. When you take your last breath you will be lost and without hope for all eternity. There will be no second chance or reprieve.

Perhaps you have heard this before and discounted it. I would urge you not to harden your heart today.

Before you can fully appreciate the good news found in Christ alone, you have to first grasp just how bad the bad news is and realize your desperate lost condition.

The good news is that Jesus Christ came to redeem sinners, and to set us free from the penalty of sin and death. God has provided a way for you to be made right with Him through Jesus Christ.

For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:21 (NLT)

The only way to be made right with God is through Jesus Christ. It is essential that you understand and believe that there is nothing you can do to save your­self.

...the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. Romans 8:7-8 (NIV)

Without Christ it is impossible to submit to God or obey Him

Once you were dead, doomed forever because of your many sins. You used to live just like the rest of the world, full of sin, obeying Satan, the mighty prince of the power of the air. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passions and desires of our evil nature. We were born with an evil nature, and we were under God’s anger just like everyone else. Ephesians 2:1-3 (NLT)

God saved you by his special favor (grace)when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. Ephesians 2:8-9 (NLT)

Salvation is a gift of God that we receive by faith. You must believe that you are a sinner in need of salvation, there is no way to save yourself from the penalty of your sin, and believe that Jesus Christ came to pay the penalty for it by giving His life for you on the cross.

The Heart of Man

For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, for­nications, thefts, murders, adulteries, ... Mark 7:21 (NASB)

Last time I challenged you to do more with what I wrote than just read it over and move on. I challenged you to be a Berean and study these things out for yourselves. The biblical study of the heart is one of the most important studies you can have! As you study what the Bible says about the heart you will see that Jesus Himself reveals the true condition of men’s hearts. He speaks about the heart many times as do the other New Testament authors. 

Contrary to popular belief, to follow your heart is not a good thing! It is in fact a very bad idea! 

The heart of man is not “basically good” but seriously flawed and utterly corrupt, and without the grace of God, will remain so. Since Adam all men and women are sinners by nature and by choice, so it would be accurate to describe ourselves as basically de­praved and not basically good (See Romans 3:9-18, 23; 5:10-12).

Proverbs indicates it is folly to trust in one own’s heart:

He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered. Proverbs. 28:26 (NASB)

Instead, we are to trust in the Lord (and His Word) and not rely on our hearts.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own under­standing... Proverbs 3:5 (NASB)

You must realize the heart has been affected by the fall. But in realizing just how bad the bad news is, we also recognize there is hope. There is hope for sinful man and his bad heart. There is hope for the person who has truly received Christ as Savior and Lord. The Bible declares that a person who has been “born-again” has a new heart that did not previously exist.

Therefore, if any man is in Christ he is a new creature, the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come.  2 Corinthians 5:17 (NASB)

This means that the Holy Spirit will apply re­demption to your hearts; thus, enabling you to live a life pleasing to Him as you put off your old habits of the heart and put on new habits of the heart.

Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23 (NASB)

And I will give you a new heart with new and right desires, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony heart of sin and give you a new, obedient heart. Ezekiel 36:26 (NLT)

The reason we need a new heart is tomorrow's topic. See you then! 

Can I Trust My Heart?

The problems people face are found in either the outer man or the inner man. The inner man refers to thoughts, desires, will, emotions, as well as his spirit. The outer man is the physical—that part of man that is subject to decay. 

Therefore, we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. 2 Corinthians 4:16 (NASB)

All the aspects of the inner man are captured by the word “heart.” Thayer’s Greek Dictionary defines heart like this:

2b1) kardia-the soul or mind, as it is the fountain and seat of the thoughts, passions, desires, appetites, affections, purposes, endeavours 2b3) of the will and character 2b4) of the soul so far as it is affected and stirred in a bad way or good, or of the soul as the seat of the sensibilities, affections, emotions, desires, appetites, passions.

From these considerations we can clearly see that the heart and soul are one and the same thing, and by no means is the word “heart” confined to mean, “how we feel.” What makes matters worse is that when we trust our feelings in order to make decisions or “speak truth to us” we often rationalize sin. For example, how many Christian divorces have taken place because the feeling of love is not what it used to be? How many Christians equate feelings of sadness with, “I must be sick or have some sort of depression disorder?” How many people make decisions based on the fuzziness of “following your heart?”

For example, as a biblical counselor I have had people tell me they have made a certain decision because they prayed about it and, “had a peace in their heart.” This is the Christian version of following your heart. A couple of examples I’ve seen are starting a business that failed or making a move that bordered on the irrational.

The language reflects a subjective, experiential, feelings-approach to life rather than a solid, scriptural approach to life.  

A biblical understanding of the heart is necessary before we can understand how to change to glorify God. But we also need to understand our true heart’s condi­tion so that we see our desperate need for a Savior and His righteousness.

It is very popular today in many churches to say that man (and his soul) is basically good. The notion that man is basically good is perpetrated in the church by a psychologized gospel that exalts man. One popular poll asked professing evangelicals if man was basically good or bad. The astounding results showed that 77% believed man was basically good. Perhaps we should not be surprised by this as many preachers are preaching messages that are based on making people “feel good” about themselves.

Man was created by God in His image. The Scripture teaches that man was cre­ated sin-free and has a rational nature, intelligence, a will, and moral responsi­bility (Gen. 1:26-28). But being created in the image of God does not mean that man is basically good by nature.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God and lost their innocence (Rom. 5:12). Man was guilty of sin and incurred the penalty of spiritual and physical death becoming subject to God’s wrath because God cannot tolerate sin. Man then became in­herently corrupt and totally incapable of choosing or doing that which is accept­able to God apart from divine grace (Rom. 5:19). Man, thereby, has no power within himself to recover and is hopelessly lost. Historically, this radical cor­ruption of the soul has been called “total inability.”

Wayne Grudem notes in his commentary on Ephesians 4:18 that total inability does not mean that every person is as bad as he or she might be, for God’s common grace restrains unredeemed sinners from fully realizing their sinful potential. Every person has the potential for even the worst of sins, since every aspect of a person was affected by the fall (will, emo­tions, thoughts, etc.). Scripture (see Romans 12:16) indicates we are inclined to think too highly of ourselves and our “goodness.” We are more prideful than we want to believe!

We find the true condition of the heart in Scripture.

Then the LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continu­ally. Genesis 6:5 (NASB)

This is one of the strongest and clearest statements about man’s sinful nature. The people of Noah’s day were exceedingly wicked from the inside out. Why? Because the fall affected every aspect of the heart.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9 (NKJV)

The prophet Jeremiah declares the heart is deceitful above all things and desper­ately wicked. At the very least it means our hearts cannot be trusted. Yet, in our culture we constantly hear from psychology that we are to follow our hearts, make the right heart choice, or are told your heart can be trusted to guide you.

When these things are said, they are, in fact, equating feelings with the heart. Clearly, that notion is contradicted directly by what God says - do not trust your heart emotions because they are deceitful and cannot be trusted to lead you.

For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, for­nications, thefts, murders, adulteries, ... Mark 7:21 (NASB)


Think about these things...this may be the first time you have heard these truths and perhaps this has rocked your world! Be a Berean and study these things, and learn what the Bible says about the heart. This is the first step toward true and lasting change in your life! 

Words Matter

Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts. 1 John 5:21 (NLT)

I think a lot about idolatry. I think about the things I worship and I think about the things my counselees worship. Much of what I deal with in counseling is issues of idolatry that manifest themselves in actions such as sexual immorality, excessive spending, deception, outbursts of anger and rage, drunkenness and drug abuse.  

We know these particular issues are idolatrous because they are rooted in a heart that worships self.  Furthermore, we know that a person who worships self is very clued in to how they feel on a moment by moment basis.  They will frequently talk about how they just feel this or just feel that; and nearly 100% of the time they misuse the word “feel” in their disclosure.

What a person really is trying to tell me is they think, believe, or desire something that is very important to them but they have been conditioned by our culture to feel it rather than correctly articulating it as a thought, belief, or desire. 

Well you might be wondering, “So what?”  Who really cares how a person expresses themselves? Does it really matter?  I am here to tell you, “Yes. It really does matter.”

Words matter.  What you say and how you say what you say really does matter!  Words can reinforce lies that we tell ourselves and lead us further into unbelief or other sin. Words can harden the heart of the listener, and words can shipwreck your life (James 3).

Using clear and concise words help us to determine if something is biblical or unbiblical, sinful or not sinful, idolatrous or not idolatrous. This is why I am so firm on identifying things as thoughts, beliefs and desires instead of feelings.

What is the difference between a desire and a feeling? Can it be both? Yes, it can be both.

Thayer’s Dictionary of Scripture defines our desires in various ways that boil down to desires being either a particular mode of thinking or judging or cravings that can be either good (food) or bad (lust).  

A counselee must be able to support their desire as biblical with Scripture (in context). This is important because emotions can lead one to justify their desire for certain things. Yet feelings prove unreliable as a method of living life to glorify God. We often wrongly believe we “deserve” things for unbiblical reasons. Our wrong beliefs can lead us to wrong emotions.

We are to place our desires and wants on the altar of sacrifice to God.  Surrender them to Him for His approval and then act in obedient response to the will of God.

This is the action step of change.  If we do not take this most important step of acting on our new beliefs or understandings, than the rest is useless. Please do not fall into the trap of thinking that just knowing about it is enough, we must act on what is right!

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask? Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God trans­form you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is. Romans 12:1-2 (NLT)

The idolater has had little difficulty with worship; it is just that the object of worship is wrongly directed. We have provided Scriptural admonition and some practical application for action, but how can one be taught to fall in love with God?

The short answer is we can’t! Numerous passages in the Old Testament recount God commanding Israel to love Him (Deut. 6:5; 11:1, 13, 22; 13:3; 19:9; 30:6, 16; Josh. 22:5; 23:11) and to demonstrate their love by being faithful to Him and worshiping Him only. They were a dismal failure at this! We are incapable of worshiping God or loving Him without the enablement of the Holy Spirit.

Allow me to draw you a word picture what this might look like; we are to dis­play the evidence of the love of Christ in our actions. This love should well up within us like a geyser and overflow onto the lives of others! Because of all that Christ has done for us, and all that we are in Christ, we are to continually reflect glory to God through worship as we obey the Word, serve others, demonstrate forbearance, and overlook hurtful offenses and so on. This is worship as we pas­sionately live life for His glory!

Often those people who benefit from the reflection of our love for Jesus Christ are people who we have conflict with: our spouses with whom we have discord, children who are ungrateful, or co-workers and employers who take advantage of us. Our view of their response to our graciousness changes radically when our motive for doing these things changes. You see, if I am serving others for the glory of God, then does it matter if I am appreciated? If I am obeying and submitting to a harsh authority because of Christ, and because it pleases Him, then is it going to be bearable?

I maintain that when my goal for all I do in life is to glorify God then nothing else matters. God receives my spiritual acts of worship (Romans 12:1), and I experience joy because man’s response just doesn’t matter anymore! It has ceased to be about me and my feelings and my wants and my perceived needs, and it is now all about Him. It is how I can bring Him glory in daily living. 

Grace Glorifies God

Grace is given to us because it glorifies God to do so, not because we are deserving, special, or worthy.  Have you ever thought about what a marvelous thing it is that God chooses to bring Himself glory by saving us? 

John Piper says, "Grace is not simply leniency when we have sinned. Grace is the enabling gift of God not to sin.  Grace is power, not just pardon. Therefore, the effort we make to obey God is not an effort done in our own strength, but in the strength which God supplies."

God demonstrates grace to us because He is holy and cannot tolerate our sinfulness.  I have written before that in the Bible you don’t read about the cherubim and seraphim surrounding the throne of God and saying, “wonderful, wonderful, wonderful” or, “faithful, faithful, faithful.” They say, “holy, holy, holy” when speaking of God. He is a holy God and we would be foolish to think that sinfulness on any level is acceptable to God.

Our unholiness demanded a stiff redemptive price - the blood of Christ. Our unholiness is the reason we need grace unto salvation. We are completely and totally unworthy of what we have received. It is in seeing our unworthiness that we can begin to have a glimpse of just exactly why we are to demonstrate grace to those who have hurt us so deeply.

In those painful relationships when we show grace to those who don’t deserve it, it is important to realize it may not make one bit of difference in how we are treated by them and it may not change any manner of response by the offender.

What we will experience is freedom from bitterness. In spite of the rotten way we may continue to be treated, we will see God working in our lives as a result of responding in a Christ-like manner.

When helping others to understand this, make it a goal to help them to get their focus off “self” and onto what God is doing in their heart and life as they step out in faith and obedience to the call of Christ.  Remind them the goal is not to end the suffering, but to glorify God as they are suffering. 

And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.   2 Corinthians 9:8 (NKJV)

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”   2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV)

Grace is sufficient. So many times I hear people say they don’t think they can do it - they can’t bear up under the strain or under the persecution.  They tell me how weak they are, and I tell them to rejoice in that weakness! Because then they can really see that it is not them doing it - it is Christ! The grace of God is enough to carry them through! Grace is sufficient, and it is enough. If it were not enough, God would have made a better provision.

I also have to remind myself that God’s grace will be present in abundance when I need it and not before. I cannot store up grace for a rainy day like I can my pennies; it will be sufficient and not lacking anything in that moment.  

The Price is Paid

A woman once came to me and told me she had been unfaithful to her husband. Another told me she had an abortion, and yet another told me she had been intimate with many men. All of these actions took place before these women were Christians and yet all of these women struggled with remaining guilt and shame. None of them said they experienced freedom in their Christian lives, and they all said they felt used, dirty and damaged. 

Such is the state of our world. In this generation of “free love” and “easy sex” we find things are not so easy, and all these things have a price to be paid. 

Each of them tell me that they cannot forgive themselves these past indiscretions, and in the case of the woman who aborted her child, she says she cannot forgive herself of killing the child. 

All the women are church going women who hide behind a mask of fear of being exposed. They fear someone, anyone finding out who they are and what they have done so they isolate. They may attend your Bible study or small group or prayer circle but let me assure you, they are very alone, trapped in a secret world of pain. 

They do penance of various kinds, wrongly thinking that some sort of restitution is needed and required by God. One woman promotes marriage weekends, another volunteers at the crisis pregnancy center, and the last one works in youth group hoping to steer young woman away from her path of promiscuity. 

These women need to realize that help and hope and healing are available to them in Christ. This business of forgiving yourself is not a biblical principle. No where in the Bible do we find Jesus telling anyone to forgive themselves. The women I wrote about today have read the account of the adulterous woman in John 8, and are familiar with Mary Magdalene, and the woman who wept at the feet of Jesus.None of these women asked Jesus how to forgive herself, they sought His forgiveness. When they received it, they obeyed His command to sin no more in this manner. They became His followers and lived their lives for Him. 

We could learn a lot from these women and their immediate response to Jesus. When Jesus forgave them, it was done. His forgiveness was complete and total. When He forgave you, it was finished the ransom was paid and you were freed! 

Oh, but you feeeel like you must do something, it is too easy to just place it at the foot of the cross, you must pay a price or have a penalty- something! The guilty feelings that you hang on to that you somehow believe will help atone for your sin are actually adding sin to your heart and life! 

To ever think that you can add anything to His payment for your sin or to think you’re your self abuse will obtain forgiveness is blasphemy. If Jesus’ sacrifice was incomplete, our redemption is not assured and God is a liar. 

The Stranglehold of Worry

I saw a picture of a young celebrity on television the other day. She is only in her mid-twenties but looks much older than her years. Her face has been hardened by surgical intervention, botox (I imagine), and rough living.   I thought it was a shame to see someone so young look as though she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. 


I see other women who appear to also be carrying a heavy load on their shoulders. I can see it in their faces too; the lines of worry and fear have etched their way deep into the softness of their cheeks and foreheads.  There is so much fear and worry in our lives today! The financial picture for many families continues to get darker, prices keep going up, income is unsure beyond the money you have in your pocket.  


We are fed stories of impending doom and ruin all day long from all forms of media; and add into the mix the statistics about sickness and disease of one form or another and we have ourselves a hot mess of anxiety. 


I could focus on a number of areas of fear, worry, and anxiety; but today I am going to aim at what seems to be an obsession with health and youth for many women: women have become very fearful of growing old and looking their age. 


Before I go further, I will get the log out of my own eye:  I am not wild about getting old, I color my hair because I don't want to be grey, I eat carefully to hold off the effects of aging and illness, and I walk 30 minutes in the mornings (when it is not bad weather) because it is good for my legs. I would consider those reasonable things to do, and those are not the kinds of things I have in mind to talk about today. 


What concerns me is the absolute obsession I have seen develop in women regarding health and vitamins and holistic living. 


Jesus said, “For this reason I say to you, do not worry about your life, as to what you will eat; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. “For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing." Luke 12:22-23 (NASB) 


When Jesus speaks about worrying, He is referring to the amount of time a person spends focusing on something in an obsessive manner. It occupies their thoughts a large amount of time, and "How I feel," "How I look" and "What is wrong with me" becomes the focus in life. This kind of thinking truly does have a stranglehold over many Christian women today. They are wasting precious hours ruminating on what ails them and how they feel, and throwing precious dollars away on doctor after doctor only to walk away frustrated after being told there is nothing wrong with them. 


I am not saying don't get check-ups or go ahead and throw common sense to the wind and eat as you please. We have been given stewardship over our physical body and it is right that we take care of it as the temple of the Holy Spirit. The body is a vessel to be used for the intended ministry of God. 


What I am saying that there is far too much emphasis being placed on the physical life and the mis-belief that you can add one minute or day to your life through organic food and vitamins.  


“And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life’s span?" Luke 12:25 (NASB) 


Health and longevity of life have become an idol to many women today. For some, it is because they do not understand God.  God always completes His plans for the days of our lives and it is important to realize that we cannot prolong or shorten the appointed day of our death. For others it is the belief that they can somehow control the outcome, and alter God's plan and the timing of their own demise. 


This world is not our home, and we are not intended to build our hopes and dreams upon what it has to offer us. This world is a lay-over as we wait to be called to the final part of the journey- heaven!  Jesus is teaching us that our time here is to be spent in greater pursuits than personal health and being a display for some designer clothes. We have a purpose here, and we can trust that God will keep us here long enough to fulfill it. He is a faithful God. 


Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:1-3 (NASB) 


The focus of the Christian woman is to be on Christ during her time here on earth. The precious hours of the day are to be used to further the gospel and seeking things above, not things of vanity. We are to seek to honor Christ and in so doing we will empty ourselves of selfish desires and idolatry of heart. We will become passionate about what God is passionate about- the eternal things that will affect the souls of others. This is our calling, this is our quest- proclaiming Christ.