Today's guest blogger is Emily Duffey. Emily is a staff member of Reigning Grace Counseling Center, my assistant, and my friend. I know you will be very blessed by her post today.
hard to wait around for something that might never happen. But it’s harder to
give up when you know it’s everything you want.” ~Anonymous
Along with countless other young women, I grew up dreaming about
my wedding day. I would look through the wedding magazines, picking out my
dress, selecting colors, coming up with theme ideas and décor for each of the
four seasons (just in case!), but set my heart upon the fall. I would write
these lists of what everyone would be wearing and create the seating
arrangements. I had planned the perfect honeymoon vacation
spot. I had the wedding music set, the first dance, all of it. While I didn’t
go as far as some of my friends did, the dreams were set, the plans thoroughly
thought out, and the event firmly settled as future reality. I was waiting for
my Prince Charming to come along to put “the plan” into action.
After high school, the first wave of friends got married. Then
there was college—round two. Round three came somewhere around 25; round four
was right about 30. I’m waiting on round five to show up. Each time a friend
gets married, that mental wedding day planning list I first mentioned comes
back to mind—I would suggest ideas I’ve always wanted to use for myself, but
find the hope of every using them for myself fading. While I
was joyful for my friends and their upcoming nuptials (humming along while she
walks down the aisle to the song I had planned on using), the quiet ache in my
heart continued to grow. Tears of joy have, at times, been mingled with tears
of personal sorrow. I’ve often asked that eternal question that has no
satisfactory answer in the moment: Why?
For quite some time I believed I would not desire to marry, were I
to remain single. I believed that those who remained single were desirous
of this state, and did not seek out marriage. I just knew that
since I wanted to be married, I would be married.
I just wasn’t ready yet—I had something I had to get right in my personal life
first; I had to sin less; I had to do all the things God wanted me to do first,
of course. But I believed, deep in my heart, it would happen one day. Perhaps
you can imagine my surprise when I learned this truth:
Just because you desire marriage does not mean you will get
this truth exposed how I had fallen into a common to man problem, and I know I
am not alone!
There are a lot of singles (men and women) whose focus is solely upon marriage.
It is what they talk about, research, consider, ponder, dream about. What you
may not realize is that while marriage is a good and desirous thing, it can
become too important. When your life’s passion is to get married and you have
placed the desire for marriage over the Lord, you have created an idol.
Elyse Fitzpatrick, in her book Idols of the Heart,
explains that “Satan will strike at the heart of your idolatry. He’ll observe
your words and actions, and he’ll know what you long for more than holiness.
He’ll know what you fear. And it’s there he’ll attack you. He’ll frighten you
with the thought that you’ll never be happy without your longed-for desire.”
Fear is a powerful thing. The fear of being alone, of the unknown,
is enough to cripple the struggling heart of a woman longing for marriage. The
reality that marriage may not come in spite of the heart’s desire for it can be
an excruciating realization. The greater the pain you experience as you begin
to change your hearts focus, the deeper the idolatry. A great part of the pain
is the realization that there has been a deep, grievous offense against the
Lord, your Maker!
crushed when I realized this. The reality that I may never marry because that
is what would most glorify God AND be the best thing for me (Romans 8:28)
overwhelmed me. This certainly didn't feel good or right! I felt crushed and
betrayed. I struggled with understanding how God could give me a desire for
marriage and not fulfill it. It was a very difficult period of time for me, and
I still struggle at times. I had to learn more about God and respond biblically
in spite of my feelings. If you find yourself here, I encourage you to do the
You have to put your dreams, wants, and desires on the altar as
Abraham laid Isaac, his promised child, on the altar of sacrifice. Abraham
believed God, knowing that the death of his son would obliterate his dreams.
His greater desire, though, was to honor and glorify God. He believed God’s
promise, that Sarah would bear him a son (Issac) through whom the covenant
would be established and his descendants would be blessed (Genesis 17:19).
Therefore he placed his faith in God to keep His word (as He cannot lie, Titus
1:2) and did what the Lord asked of him. He was willing to sacrifice his only
son for the glory of God, believing in Him.
What promises can we bring to mind, focusing our
thoughts when we are asked to give up our dreams? Where should our
thoughts go when sorrow like sea billows roll over us? How can we, like Horatio
Spafford, proclaim, “It is well with my soul" and genuinely mean it?
Remember . . . all things are
for our good and His glory:
(Romans 8:28 NASB)
- And we know that God causes all
things to work together for good to those
who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Remember . . . Jesus is truth:
(1 John 5:20 NASB) - And we know that the Son of God has come,
and has given us understanding
so that we may know Him who is true; and we are in Him who is true, in His Son Jesus
Christ. This is the true God and eternal life.
Remember . . . to take an
Timothy 1:17 NASB) - Now to the King
eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and
glory forever and ever. Amen.
Remember... To rejoice through
(Romans 5:3-5 ESV) Not only that, but we rejoice in our
sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance
produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us
to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy
Spirit who has been given to us.
Remember . . . Everything that
comes to us is first filtered through the Lord's hands:
(Job 1:8-12 NASB) - The LORD said to Satan, "Have you
considered My servant Job? For there is no one like him on the earth, a
blameless and upright man, fearing God and turning away from evil." Then
Satan answered the LORD, "Does Job fear God for nothing? Have You not made
a hedge about him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have
blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land.
But put forth Your hand now and touch all that he has; he will surely curse You
to Your face." Then the LORD said to Satan, "Behold, all that he has is
in your power, only do not put forth your hand on him."
Remember . . . You must realign
your heart’s desire to be that of God’s desire—delight in Him!
(Psalm 37:4 NASB)
- Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of
When your heart delights in God, your desires become His desires,
and they are pure, righteous, and holy. But what does it mean to delight in
God? The Hebrew word means to be happy about or to take exquisite delight in. I
like that—to take exquisite delight in God. This level of attention is to
be consumed with God, what He wants, what He desires, and the things that honor
and glorify Him—when this is where our thoughts are focused, you will have a
difficult time focusing on yourself. It becomes less and less about you and
what you long for (in this writing, a spouse) and more about how to live out
life to glorify God. In doing this you are delighting more in the gift Giver
than the gift. He must increase; I must
decrease (John 3:30).
This doesn’t apply only to the desire to be married. Your desire
might before a godlier or more attentive husband, for children, for better children
. . . any number of things! When your heart is consumed with His glory,
it becomes your driving force, your heartbeat. It is the reason “why” you do
what you do.
Changing your desires is a work of the Holy Spirit, a
supernatural act of God. It is a change of heart. It may not come naturally or
easily. Spend time with God, and bathe yourself in the Word of God. Seek His
face, asking Him to change your heart to desire Him above all things. Pray for
a single devotion, undivided, to Him and Him alone.
Labels: Guest Blogger