Words from the mouth of
a wise man are gracious, while the lips of a fool consume him; the beginning of
his talking is folly and the end of it is wicked madness. Yet the fool
multiplies words. Ecclesiastes 10:12-14a (NASB)
Because my ministry is
primarily to women I spend a lot of time listening. I can safely say with some
authority that some women simply talk too much for anyone's good.
I see this problem when
women come in with their husbands for counseling. Sometimes I see a woman
talking over her husband. He will be speaking and she (being the consummate
mind reader) "knows" how he will finish his sentence and saves him
the trouble. She often answers questions he has not asked yet!
I see this problem in
all kinds of women in social situations. In a gathering, the woman who talks
too much is often avoided. Everyone seems to know she has a lot to say about
absolutely nothing. Her talk is empty chatter intended to fill the void of
silence. Sometimes she gossips or maligns others believing that what she has to
tell them is valuable information.
I am willing to bet we
all have known someone like this at one time in our lives. Maybe upon
reflection you are wondering if you are one of them!
Here are a few things to
get you thinking today, can you answer "Yes" to any of these
questions? If so, you may be a woman who talks too much.
- I cannot stand silence when I am in a room with
someone. I have to make some small talk at least every few minutes.
- I frequently talk but say nothing productive or
- I have to make a point, or agree, or have some input in
every conversation while in a group.
- I find myself lying (to be included) about situations
that have happened to others. Pretty much everything has
happened to me!
- I am loud to be noticed.
- I make use of over exaggerated gestures as I talk.
- I make myself the center of attention through laughter,
and open ended phrases that welcome comments.
When a multitude of
words are coming forth there is such a great danger of ungodly speech! It
becomes so easy to embellish a story, add details that are not true, or say
things that are unkind and hurtful.
In the multitude of
words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise. Proverbs 10:19 (NKJV)
Here are some other ways
women talk too much:
Babbling about nothing
(Proverbs 10:8); Idle talk (1 Timothy 1:3-7); Gossip (Proverbs 20:19);
Unwholesome talk (Ephesians 4:29); Busybodies (1 Timothy 5:13); Harping
(Proverbs 27:15); Complaining (Proverbs 21:19); Grumbling (Philippians 2:14)
Ladies, there is much to
be said about silence and meditation, even when you have an opinion. There is
no shame in listening quietly, or silent agreement. In fact, it may be the
better part of wisdom!
Talking reveals much
more about us than we realize. Talking too much reveals what is going on in her
heart. A woman who talks too much is revealing a heart of fear, a heart
of selfishness, and a heart of pride.
things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the
man." Matthew 15:18
Women who talk too much
are typically fearful. They are fearful of not being liked or accepted by their
peers and mistakenly believe that if they are verbally visible they won't be
invisible, ignored or unimportant. A woman who talks too much is not
living out Phil. 2. She is not considering others as more important than
herself. It reveals a heart of selfishness.
Do nothing from
selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as
more important than yourselves; Philippians 2:3 (NASB)
A woman who talks too
much is most likely not a submissive wife either. She may believe her opinion
is more important than her husband's, or anyone else's.
There are ways to
express an opinion and to tell someone what your perspective is on a situation.
However, often women who talk too much are unable to keep it to a suggestion. When
her opinion is not agreed to it becomes a battle with barrage of words to
convince others her way is right or best.
If you are a woman who
talks too much and you see yourself here in this posting, begin to change this
life dominating sinful pattern by asking God to help you to see your heart.
David prayed that God would "see if there is any wicked way in me"
(Psalm 139) and this ought to be your prayer too.
As God reveals your
sinful heart to you, repent and confess to your husband or accountability
partner what you have learned about yourself. Ask forgiveness of those you have
wronged or offended by your non-stop chatter, and thank God for His forgiveness
Keep a little journal of
the times you are tempted to sin with your speech and every day or so, go back
and look at those entries. Determine what you were thinking, believing, and
desiring in your heart at that time.
Make a biblical plan to
change, first by having your mind renewed by the Word of God (Rom. 12:2) with
prayer, and then by making practical plans for when you are tempted to sin this
way, as you will certainly be. When you fail, promptly confess it and examine
where you went wrong and plan how you will respond differently next time.
Sinful patterns can be overcome through mind renewal and a biblical plan for