Biblical Counseling for Women: Big Sisters and Little Sisters

TITUS 2:3-5 “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

I have the great privilege of being a mentor to several younger women. It has become a passion of mine to encourage women to mentor the younger generation of women and girls.

Of course it does not necessarily take a certified Biblical counselor to address the needs of the younger generation. I do believe that Biblical Counselors are uniquely qualified and positioned to address deeper discipleship needs and life struggles, but so many of people’s problems can be walked through with a gifted and equipped Mentor.

I have engaged in intergenerational relationships intentionally over the past few years. God has blessed this in my ministry, and I have seen the fruit of fulfilling my own Titus 2:3-5 calling. If you are not spending some intentional time with women from generations other than your own, you are missing the mark. I believe Titus 2:3-5 is not just a suggestion - it is a command.

As I write this, I have asked God to break your heart. He has broken mine - for the things that break His. My heart breaks for hurting younger women - women who have suffered from difficult circumstances, women who suffer from mental illness, women caught up in the bondage of sin and its consequences. My heart breaks for girls - girls who are from broken homes, girls who carry shame from bad choices, girls who feel lonely and insecure, girls who have no one to teach them about Jesus.

In order to mentor well, your heart must be broken first. You need only to look around your church to see women and girls who need a Word of hope. Do not be fooled by outward appearances - shame, loneliness, guilt, suffering, and sin like to hide behind a facade. If you are a Christian who can articulate a clear Gospel, with the understanding that it applies not just to salvation but also to sanctification, you are able to share a Word of hope with a hurting woman. In fact, you are called to it.

Once your heart is broken, remember The Gospel and all that God has provided for hope and healing. He binds up the brokenhearted and sets the captives free. I want to be in on that Good News, don’t you? What a privilege it is to walk alongside another and see what HOPE God provides for her.

Everyone is a younger woman AND an older woman at the same time (unless you happen to be the rare woman who is the oldest and wisest in your sphere of influence!) I once asked a group of 40 women of all ages at a retreat to write on two notecards. One card was to be addressed to the older women (all 40 did this, even the oldest women who felt that some of the others were more spiritually mature even if not chronologically older). We called these older women the “Big Sisters.” As they addressed the older women, they were to tell them what they would like to learn from them.

The second card was to be addressed to the younger women. Again, all 40 women did this because everyone has someone who is younger than they are. We called these younger women the “Little Sisters.” They were to give a Word of hope or advice to the younger women.

The insights from this retreat activity were more profound than I expected. It broke my heart all over again for the younger generation of women, and it also confirmed my passion to serve them, especially the hurting. We displayed these cards throughout the retreat, but there were a few cards handed to me privately by women who asked that they not be displayed in that context. I have changed slightly the quotes in order to protect their privacy, but the insights are intact.

This is just a small sampling of those insights in hopes that it will spark a desire in you to consider the ministry of Biblical Mentoring. I will not be commenting on these insights, because I think that they speak for themselves.

May God break your heart for what breaks His.

These messages were written as older women to the Little Sisters.

“To My Little Sisters” ~

*”Fall in love with Jesus. You are not alone. You have Our Lord with you at all times. You also need to build a relationship with a Big Sister who can show you how to grow up and walk faithfully with Jesus.”

*”Find your beauty, confidence, self-worth, and esteem from God alone.”

*”I don’t think I have much to offer you. I don’t have a big testimony, and I don’t feel adequate to help you with your life’s struggles. I am so sorry.”

*Your identity is in Christ and His love and sacrifice. That’s much more important that any self esteem.”

*”I once had an abortion and I’ve never told anyone. If you have had one, please tell an older woman and ask her to help you to heal.”

*”Forgive us for judging you. We, too, have our insecurities. Just ask us about that.”

*”You will never regret your life, if it is spent following Jesus and seeking His face.”

*”Don’t rush through the seasons of your life. They are meant to be enjoyed.”

*”Don’t be afraid to come right out and ask me for what you desire from me.”

*”Ask me those taboo questions. I won’t be shocked, I’ve had them too.”

*”I really do want to spend time with you. I’ve just been afraid to ask. I am afraid you will reject me.”

Written as younger women to the Big Sisters:

“To My Big Sisters” ~

*”Be a good listener and encourage me.”

*”I am afraid of how the older generation will judge me because of my past. How do I get over that insecurity?”

*”You seem very busy. I hate to take up your time. I don’t think I am worth it.”

*”Teach me how to love someone who says they don’t love the Lord anymore.”

*”How do I move on from my mistakes?”

*”I feel like I am all alone. I am afraid to approach you.”

*”How do I trust God with my children who don’t want to follow Him?”

*”I need encouragement through many trials. Please help me.”

*”How can I keep my marriage alive?”

*”I made shameful mistakes in my past that I am afraid to share. Can I trust you?”

*”Why is it that no matter how much we know God, we continue to doubt His purpose for our lives?”

*”Please remind me in all my daily struggles how to keep my eyes on the cross and for all that I do and say to be Gospel-centered.”

*”I want to hear your life story. I know you have wisdom. Please share it with me.”

More of these insights can be found in various resources on Word Of Hope Ministries’ Biblical Mentoring site at www.biblicalmentor.com. Please visit to learn more about becoming equipped to serve through intentional intergenerational relationships!