When I was in high school,
I knew a couple of girls who got pregnant. Both of them got abortions after
great encouragement from their boyfriends.
During the early 1990's, I
was very involved in the pro-life summer in Milwaukee and did some sidewalk
counseling as the women were headed toward the abortuary. The girls were easy
to spot; they looked terrified, were usually alone, and carried a brown paper
bag. My goal was to walk with her as she approached the barricades and do my
very best to get her to change her mind in the few precious minutes I had with
her. At other abortuaries, I had to stay on the public sidewalk with a parking
lot that separated me from the girls. When they arrived in cars, more
boyfriends or men came along. I wondered what those guys were thinking as they
sat and chain-smoked in their cars or as they wandered in and out of the
building, waiting to take the girl home.
Culture leads us to believe
most men are in favor of abortion on demand, and that they have little
conscience in the matter. We are led to believe they are willing to hand over
the money “to get rid of it” and go on their merry way. That was what I
observed when the girls I knew found out they were pregnant.
Learning
that men suffer strong negative emotions regarding abortion was surprising. Post-abortive
men can also suffer from depression, anxiety, guilt, shame, a desire to escape
through drugs and alcohol. They struggle with many of the same Post-abortion
Syndrome issues women do. One notable consequence of abortion in
men is they struggle with intense anger, reportedly being five-times angrier
than men who are not party to an abortion. They tend to hide their emotions in
substance abuse and promiscuity.
The Roe decision of 1973 removed the right of a man to have
any say in what happens to his baby. His girlfriend or his wife can
abort his child and he has absolutely no say in the matter. It is her body and
her choice. He has no voice in if his child lives or dies. If he wants the
child and she chooses to abort, he will suffer grief, anger, and a tremendous
sense of loss for all that he will never experience with his child. For some
men, this is devastating because given the option they would raise the baby
alone.
Abortion is a violent
act that ends the life of the couple’s child. Abortion is a selfish decision
for one or both people to make. The abortion choice causes anger in both men
and women, but it is known to produce intense and anger in men. This leads to
physical, emotional, and verbal abuse in
the relationship. If the woman did not want the abortion but was pressured or
forced into it by her man she will be resentful and angry towards him.
Hostility will continue to build in the relationship over time.
Abortion violates the God-given roles of assigned to men.
God has designed men to be protectors of women and children. A man who is a
willing party to an abortion violates his nature to care for and protect those
who cannot protect and defend themselves. Instead, he pays for his child to be
destroyed.
Man is also designed to be a responsible provider. Children
cause a man to grow up and leave the freedom of youth and childhood behind. Abortion removes the need to grow into the
responsible man God intends for him to be. Instead, he lives to play and
escapes responsibility for his choices. His selfishness and irresponsibility
are enabled to grow.
Many of the men
I am aware of who encouraged abortions simply did not want the any of the
responsibility that parenting requires. Many times there was no desire for an
ongoing relationship with the baby’s mother, as she may have been a casual date
or a conquest. The man has no interest in marrying her or anyone else at that
time in their life. He does not want to provide financially for the child for
18 years or more either so abortion is the path he encourages her to take.
Abortion allows a man to violate his God-ordained role as a
parent, and head of the family. By
ending the life of his child, he is not going to be a parent nor does he have a
family to take leadership over.
Presently, there is little being done on a large
scale to help post-abortive men deal with the abortion choice. A
few things are very clear in addressing the abortion choice with a man. He must
accept partial responsibility for an abortion because he is responsible for the pregnancy. If the relationship was illicit,
he is guilty before God for his part in it. If he encouraged or forced his girlfriend
or wife to have an abortion, he is responsible for abdicating the roles and
position in the family given to him by God.
The only
solution for the couple who chooses abortion is repentance for their decision
before God, confession to God and to each other that what they have done is
sinful and they regret it. They must seek forgiveness and restoration from God
and each other, asking for and granting forgiveness for their individual roles
in getting the abortion.