Biblical Counseling for Women: The Heart That Lacks Assurance

The heart that lacks assurance is within a person who is either unsaved or within a person who professes to be a Christian, but is acting carnally. A person who is unsure of his or her eternal destiny or salvation is unsettled inside. There may be an uneasiness or fear of almost everything.

People who doubt their salvation have no idea who they really are. They often spend their entire lives “searching for themselves.” The Bible is clear about the condition of people who are unsaved; meaning they have not accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

If you are a believer you may lack assurance because of a specific sin you have committed in the past. I have counseled many women who carry the guilt of abortion, for example, who are not sure whether God has forgiven them. It is possible you may be living your life right now as an unbeliever would, living for self, living for the pleasures of life rather than the glory of God. This will also cause you to lack assurance.

Women who struggle daily with the life-dominating sins related to pornography also express doubt about God’s love for them. This is understandable until you understand the ceaseless, matchless, and boundless love God has for His children. While He never, ever condones or accepts our sin, His love for us is greater than the stain of our sin. His love for us is why Jesus Christ came to earth and died for our sin on Calvary’s cruel cross.

The Bible is the only source of help we have to help us understand who we really are. From the Creator of man, we have the facts about man, which are far superior to any psychological theory about man. The Bible gives us facts about what is normal, what is abnormal, and how to change. If you do not believe the Bible is the actual Word of God, I would urge you to reconsider your opinion! I cannot commit much space in this writing to addressing the accuracy of the Scriptures, but I would urge you to get a copy of the Bible for yourself and begin to read it. Many books are available to assist you in understanding what the Bible says about itself:

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It straightens us out and teaches us to do what is right. It is God’s way of preparing us in every way, fully equipped for every good thing God wants us to do. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NLT)

The superior answers of the Bible lead us to understand that we can have victory over difficult events of the past and present. It describes issues and problems of life that are far deeper than feelings. The Bible has the answers to help people and has the answer to the deepest issue of your life—your personal relationship with Jesus Christ. This relationship is foundational to victory over every problem in life. No, a relationship with Jesus Christ doesn’t promise you will be healed from cancer in this life or that your husband will love you more, or that your circumstances will change for the better. But, look at what the Apostle John wrote in his first letter about Jesus and how He affects our lives:

The one who existed from the beginning is the one we have heard and seen. We saw him with our own eyes and touched him with our own hands. He is Jesus Christ, the Word of life. This one who is life from God was shown to us, and we have seen him. And now we testify and announce to you that he is the one who is eternal life. He was with the Father, and then he was shown to us. We are telling you about what we ourselves have actually seen and heard, so that you may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. This is the message he has given us to announce to you: God is light and there is no darkness in him at all. So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness. We are not living in the truth. But if we are living in the light of God’s presence, just as Christ is, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from every sin. If we say we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and refusing to accept the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong. 1 John 1:1-9 (NLT)

These are powerful words! Clearly, you are either in the light or in the darkness. Without the power of God through Jesus Christ, you are in the darkness. If you are in spiritual darkness, it is impossible to effect real change in your life. This is because without Christ we are sinful and incredibly wicked. The Bible says that our sin separates us from a holy, sinless God.

For all have sinned; all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Romans 3:23 (NLT)

It isn’t just the sin you commit each day that causes you to fall short; the truth is that you were “born a sinner.”

You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just. For I was born a sinner—yes, from the moment my mother conceivedme. But you desire honesty from the heart, so you can teach me to be wise in my inmost being. Purify me from my sins and I will be clean, wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Psalm 51:1-7 (NLT)

Because of sin, there will be judgment. The psalmist David asked for pardon from his sins, for redemption, for salvation. The Bible makes it clear that because of their sin, unsaved people will not inherit the kingdom of God. The judgment to come may be terrible and terrifying news for you to read. If it were the end of the story, I would agree! But God is gracious toward us, and did not leave us in this condition.

The good news is that Jesus Christ came to redeem sinners and to set us free from the penalty of sin and death. God has provided a way for you to be made right with Him through Jesus Christ.

For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ. 1 Corinthians 5:21 (NLT)

The only way to be made right with God is through Jesus Christ. You must understand and believe that there is nothing you can do to save yourself. Salvation is a gift of God that we receive by faith. You must believe you are a sinner in need of salvation; you have no way to save yourself from the penalty of your sin. Instead, believe that Jesus Christ came to pay the penalty for your sin by giving His life for you on the cross.

For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous,to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit, 1 Peter 3:18 (NIV)

Do you see your need for the Savior? There is much confusion about how a person gets saved or redeemed due to the influence of evangelistic methods that promote praying a prayer or asking Jesus into your heart. There is no prayer that saves you. There is no special formula to receive Christ. What is necessary is a biblical response to the gospel. You must understand that you are a sinner in need of salvation and that you cannot save yourself by any works or deeds. You must believe by faith that Jesus Christ came to be your Savior and that He died on the cross for our sins and accept His free gift of salvation. If you respond to the call of Christ, it is because you have been divinely enabled to believe and respond to the gospel by God and in that first moment of belief several amazing things take place:

You are justified in Christ. You are adopted as a child of God. You are set apart (sanctified) and made righteous before God. You also gain access to the throne room of God because you are no longer an enemy who is under His wrath, but His beloved child.

He also comes to dwell within you in the person of the Holy Spirit and you are changed forever. He removes your heart of stone and gives you a heart of flesh that is able to be transformed and conformed to the image and likeness of Christ.

If you want to pray a prayer, there is of course no harm in talking to God about what He has done for you in Christ. Many people are moved to confession of sin and repentance as a part of what God is supernaturally doing within them. It is critical you understand it is faith—not a prayer—that saves you.

For if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved. As the Scriptures tell us, “Anyone who believes in him will not be disappointed.” Jew and Gentile are the same in this respect. They all have the same Lord, who generously gives his riches to all who ask for them. For “Anyone whcalls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:9-13 (NLT)

Once saved, you have now been enabled to change on the heart level (mind, thoughts, desires, intentions, emotions) through the Person of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit living His life in you. The Lord empowers you to make the changes in your heart that are evidenced in your behavior and this will give you the assurance you presently lack.