Walking in Victory

Today's guest blogger is Suzanne Holland. Suzanne is a grateful follower of Jesus Christ, wife to John, and mom to two grown up boys. She is also a student at Reigning Grace Counseling Center and hopes to become a Certified Biblical Counselor, offering the hope of the Scriptures to those who are hurting.

“Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?  Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?”  Luke 12:25

I’ve been worried lately about my future mobility, my health, and the possibility that I may need more care sooner than most of my same-age peers. It is scary to think that I may become dependent on others sooner than I had expected. Already, I need help with some things that would be easy for most people my age. What does this mean for my future? What will I have to give up as the years go on, and my body continues to fall apart prematurely?

But wait. Is it really premature? Am I really entitled to a certain number of pain-free, mobile years? No, of course I’m not. There are no promises in God’s Word regarding aging, other than the assurance that it will happen (Eccl. 12:3-7). But my problem goes deeper than just my sense of entitlement. I am jealous: Jealous of other women my age and older who still have their full mobility; jealous of the grandmothers at the park who can chase their grandkids around, while I sit on the bench, wondering if I will even be able to go to the park when my own grandkids come along; jealous of my friends who are hiking and planning walking tours of London, while I struggle just to stand through the Scripture reading at church. I have been battling this jealousy, fighting hard against it, and some days it really wears me out. I have pleaded with the Lord to remove it and to grant me repentance from it. I know that this kind of jealousy leads to bitterness, and I cannot allow that to happen.

The solution to my problem lies in my understanding and embracing the following statement:

          God is God and He does what He pleases with what is His.

He created me, not for my comfort, but for His glory. He formed me, not for my pleasure, but for His. The sovereign God of the universe gets to determine my mobility timeline because He is the sovereign God of the universe. He owes me no explanation. I am His, and so are my friends, and so are the grandmothers at the park, and all those people who are walking across Europe. If that is what He wants to do with them, who am I to cry foul? While it may seem unfair to me, my good and gracious Father has a plan for my life and, whether I like it or not, it includes a limp and a fair amount of pain. I will have victory over my jealousy and worry when I trust in Him for my future and learn to rejoice with those travelers and grandmas (Rom 12:15).  I will have victory when I begin to think on how He can be glorified in my suffering instead of how miserable I am in my pain. I will have victory when I learn to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, instead of dwelling on what “should” have been. All of this will come by the power of the Holy Spirit working in my heart as I submit to my loving Father in everything.

My worry, fear and jealousy will not add one cubit to my stature, but I will stand tall when I hear, “Well done” from my Father on that day when all pain and disability are gone. This is my desire, and it will keep me walking in victory until then. 

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