But because of
immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her
own husband. The
husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife
to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the
husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have
authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one
another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to
prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of
your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (NASB)
Some women live in
marriages with little to no physical intimacy. Women have been informed by culture to believe that men always
want sex, and are always ready for sex, so a man who doesn't want sex bewilders us. This is becoming an issue with increasing regularity in my
biblical counseling ministry. It is a
myth that women are not interested in intimacy, and while there are certainly,
exceptions most women are hungry for their husbands loving touch. The reality
is that a woman can be in a marriage where she desires intimacy and her husband
does not.
Most women are well versed
in the dangers of withholding herself from her husband. We are warned about the
possibility of him straying to pornography, or committing adultery if we aren’t
willing to be intimate with him, but what about when intimacy is withheld from
a wife? We are certainly confronted with the opportunities and the temptation
to stray from fidelity, especially in our feelings-based culture where we hear
all the time that our "needs" must be met. Society has emboldened
women to act out sexually through television, romance novels, and books like
Fifty Shades of Gray. We are encouraged to self-gratify by using pornography
and to flirt with emotional and physical adultery through social media.
Despite temptation to be
unfaithful, the majority of women don’t stray and but remain steadfast in their
commitment to their husband in the midst of loveless marriages. They are
lonely, aching, hurt, and rejected. They fear others knowing about this, they
struggle with anger, envy, bitterness, and confusion, and this is natural.
If you are a woman in
such a marriage, pray, pray, pray! As you pray, ask God to help you to focus on
the aspects of your marriage and relationship that already honor Him and to
keep your feet from stumbling into sinful thoughts, beliefs, and desires of the
heart. This battle is fought and won (or lost) in the heart, so guard your
heart well against bitterness and anger. Continue to love him unconditionally.
Your obligation is to honor God by how you conduct yourself in your marriage.
Treat him kindly and lovingly in spite of the hurt and pain you may be feeling.
Immerse yourself in books like 1st and 2nd Peter which
address suffering for righteousness sake.
I encourage you not to take revenge against your
husband (Romans 12:17-21). If your husband
is a Christian, gently and lovingly point him to the Word of God. First Corinthians
7 clearly says when we marry we belong in every way to our spouse. We commit to
loving and cherishing that person and we both commit to meeting the physical
needs of marriage. I encourage you to be wise, and not to use the Bible as a
weapon in an attempt to force, guilt, or manipulate him into having a physical relationship
with you. Let the Word speak for itself and trust that God will convict his
heart.