shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you" Genesis 3:16b
Women want to be in charge. That’s why (for the most part) we excel in parenting and domestic
things. Even if home is messy and the kids are undisciplined, we are Queens
over our own little domicile. We make the rules about the structure of the home
and most women control what takes place there.
Our desire for control does go back to the Garden. We
are no different from our ancient sister, Eve. We want to be the ones making the decisions
and running the show over the men. It is a part of the curse upon us. The meaning of
the word "desire" in Genesis 3:16 is usually misunderstood to mean
that women long for the love or affection of their husbands, but what it really
means is, "to compel, impel, urge, or seek control over."
Since Eve, we have wanted to be in control of our husbands and other men and
authorities in our lives. It is part of our natural bend that we must fight
What is interesting is that husbands want to “lord”
their authority over us (part of the curse on them), and we want to control them! This makes for some ongoing friction
Many of the young men who come to our counseling
center for premarital counseling will tell us they had no male role model to
instruct them in biblical manhood. They were not taught leadership skills as
they grew up.
Today’s men and women have grown up with the
understanding they are to be partners in marriage. Men are not taught to assert
authority, but to consider women equals in every respect, home, job, and church.
They are taught to share the duties of the household 50/50. My counseling
experience has led me to conclude wives have a difficult time respecting a
husband who is not the leader of his home.
…the wife must see to
it that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33b (NASB)
A woman who does not
respect her husband has a heart of pride. She believes that
she is better than he is, that her decisions and opinions are better than his
are. Her lack of respect is revealed in many ways. She may use non-verbal methods of communication that are
disrespectful such as: giving him the cold shoulder, eye rolling, finger
tapping, loud heavy sighing, “whatever-ing” and so on. She may look upon him
with disdain and distaste, or belittle him in front of their children and friends. Some
women blatantly disregard his wishes are inconsiderate of his time and requests, or “forget” to do something
important he asks her to do.
...each man must love his wife as he loves himself. Ephesians 5:33 (NLT)
A man who doesn't love his wife has a heart of selfishness. He refuses to embrace his God-given role as husband/shepherd/leader and instead abdicates his responsibility and refuses to lovingly lead his wife and family. His lack of love is revealed in leaving his wife with most or all of the parenting duties including discipline of the children. He shows little appreciation for his wife's efforts at home and may devalue her God-given role as a wife and mother.
There is much work to be
done in families, and much reeducation on the biblical roles of both men and
women. I am slightly encouraged to see a small inroads being made by some
organizations and churches that are promoting biblical manhood and womanhood.
It will take generations to reorient the church and it will literally be done
one person at a time. We continue to fight against the culture and the battle
is hard. It will require tremendous perseverance and dedication, but by God’s
grace it will be won.