I heard this quote the other day, “Don’t let people be the
determiner of your reputation.”
My thoughts are focused on being authentic and I have strived to
be real in every respect when dealing with people. This has its upside and
downside as it opens me up for frequent criticism from people who don’t much
like what they see.
Being a leader of women, I am in various settings where protocol
determines what I wear or how I react. For example, to show up to women’s
conference in cut off jean shorts and a t-shirt would not be a good idea no
matter how I feel about it. If someone disagrees with me about something, I
must be cautious in my response both in verbal and non-verbal communication.
Being a leader also means people observe
and scrutinize my actions and words and evaluate through their own perceptive
grid what they see. An important thing to realize is that our perceptions are
our reality, so even if I may think a particular thing is no big deal, another
person may hold it in a place of great importance. These things can cause women
who are in leadership positions or aspire to be in leadership to have pause or
to become frustrated with the frequent introspection that is required.
Sadly, the wrong things can motivate our
introspection. When I am criticized I can choose to change the behavior because
it will please others and cause them to think well of me. This is man-centered
change for the purpose of improving my reputation before man. On the other
hand, those around us can be great signposts that direct us to look to the
heart of the matter.
I see within myself a desire to look good
to others and yet I want to remain comfortable with inner sin. It is the
fleshly desire to have all the right actions, correct protocols, wear the right
“church face”, and yet not care how my heart looks to God. Perhaps to say, “not
care how my heart looks to God” is incorrect. More accurately, I could say that
I have more of an emphasis on what people think than what God thinks. I doubt
if I am alone in this desire… Maybe you are seeing that within yourself too as
you ponder words of mine.
The other aspect of my heart longs to be glorifying to God in all
respects. I desire to die completely in my daily life to the sin that so easily
entangles me. I want to break free from old sinful thought patterns that lead
me still to these dead end places of self-exaltation. I wish to knock the idols
down and crush them under my feet and smash the altars of my heart- the high
places- where I worship one other than God; where I worship me.
This part of me says I will
fight the desires of my flesh that want to remain comfortable. This part of me
says that I have been a Christian too long to still deal with some of these
same old things and to have my heart unaffected for change. It asks, “What is
wrong with me that these things remain?” That answer is simple: my heart is
unyielding and hardened toward change in these areas. Some “pet” sins that I
love so dearly mean much more to me than my desire to honor the Lord and I have
ignored the Holy Spirit for so long that in these areas He is very quiet to my
Can there be any other explanation for these ongoing sinful desires and
habits of the heart? Is there any other reasonable discussion to be had on this
topic? I think not. Oh this is not flagellation or self-beat-up, it is a part
of the reality of every Christian as the flesh battles against the Spirit and
the Spirit fights against the flesh (Galatians 5:15)
There is no joy in ongoing sin. There is no joy is ongoing disobedience
to the Lord and His Word. Change of life must be done for the glory of God and
for that reason alone.